When I was younger if I ever imagined myself as a parent (which I tried not to, to be honest!) it was always as a mother of children, rather than babies. I can’t say I hated every moment of Davies and Scarletts’ babyhoods because of course I didn’t, but it was on the whole something I endured, looking forward to the children ahead rather than actively enjoyed.
I liked seeing Jasper and Anna this weekend (my favourite babies :)) and getting smiles and gurgles from them. I like the potential of babies – the first steps, first words and so on, but really I was eager to get that stage over and done with when D&S were little. When Scarlett was little I had a couple of mornings childcare a week but only for a year before we moved home again and certainly the first five years plus of motherhood for me were very intense. Time off from the children was rare and spent fretting over whether they were ok or not anyway, I have still only had one night away from them since birth and that was very recently. I’d like to think I’ve not been defined by my children but they have certainly been a pretty permanent fixture, both physically and mentally for the last seven years. For most of that time I’ve not sat down without someone sitting on my lap, not walked along without someone holding my hand, not crossed a road without asking ‘is it safe to cross?’, not got in a car without buckling two little people into their seatbelts first.
The liberation of not needing a pushchair is still recent enough to feel a novelty, being able to have a bag that doesn’t have to be big enough to carry nappies and wipes and calpol and spare clothes is still a luxury and going to bed every night secure in the knowledge that I am very unlikely to be woken a couple of hours later by a middle of the night wail is something I am still grateful for rather than taking for granted. But suddenly I’m aware that I am simply not needed quite so much all the time. The children can both open the car doors, close them behind them and get their own seat belts on and off. They often answer my phone for me, they can operate all of the tv, dvd, cd and so on better than I can. They can brush their own teeth, wash their own hair, get dressed and undressed, draw their own curtains and put their own bedside lights on. They can get their own food and drink, wipe their own bottoms. They know how stuff works and they know how to find out things for themselves.
I am still very much needed, just in different – and to me, way more interesting, fun, enjoyable – ways. When I first had children September 2007 was always going to be a landmark date, an age of independance as it would be when my youngest started school, when I had a seven and an almost-five year old. Clearly that’s changed over the years but the shift is there just the same. I wouldn’t have had the last 7 years any other way I don’t think, it’s been very hard work, easily the most challenging period of my life so far. There have been times I have felt trapped, frustrated, undervalued, something of a martyr for doing it all myself, although short of paying for help there hasn’t been anyone else to turn to for it really. But it’s all been worth it. One of the things that always amuse me when talking to people about Home Education is the shocked ‘isn’t that a big responsibility?!’ remark which I always answer with ‘no being a parent is a big responsibility, this is merely a small extension of that to me’.
I feel like I’ve done a lot of spade work this last 7 years, laid a lot of foundations, put in a huge amount of initial effort. I know there is plenty of hard work still ahead (I’m just not thinking about puberty yet! ;)) but I think the grafting, the really tough stuff, the bits that I was always feeling like a blind person feeling my way through are behind me. There were several times this weekend that life just suddenly seemed so much easier with older children and on Sunday walking in the sunshine, finally able to hold Ady’s hand and chat to him while the children ran off ahead, always in sight, often coming back to talk to us or ask us to watch something, but not *needing* us constantly was a lovely feeling.
I love seeing baby pics of kids I know – there is something essential in their faces that is the same.
Comment by Allie — 10 October 2007 @ 1:24 pm
Scarlett looks exactly the same! (well she’s bigger, more hair etc – I mean her face!)
Comment by simon — 11 October 2007 @ 7:42 am