One word? When seven would do…

I remember the bit in When Harry Met Sally when Sally is crying down the phone to Harry and then says ‘and I’m going to be 40…’ Harry asks ‘When?’ aghast. Sally carries on sobbing ‘someday….’

I have 10 days left. I’m going to be 40 someday.

Maybe I am getting old. For my birthday I would like a washing machine and a bath…. 😉

Christmas Eve was lovely. The kids both made stockings. Davies really wanted to do it all himself – cut out the fabric, stitch it, design and glue on decorations. Scarlett is actually quite a good sewer but far lazier and if she could have handed it all over for me to do she would have done so. Except I was up for some sewing myself so was busy turning an old pair of jeans into a shoulder bag for myself.

I semi rescued the Christmas cake, then decided only we would ever see if and it would still taste lovely even if the icing was dragging the marzipan down off the sides. So I stopped and moved to eating it instead 🙂

I can’t remember much more about the day, we watched some festive stuff but were all a bit wired really from anticipation of Christmas and fear that something might still happen to stop us staying in the static.

At 430 we headed down to the shop for mince pies and mulled wine. There was quite a gathering down there and it was a lovely hour or so all gathered in the shop chatting, sipping mulled wine, bantering and exchanging festive cheer. It is the sense of community here and the being part of something like this which holds us so tight and makes us want to fight for what must often seem to the outside world like a mental dream and a test of sheer bloodymindedness that is keeping us here. It isn’t – we simply know that the good bits are so good we would never hope to find anything like this again.

We walked home, very laden down with festive food and drink – tax credits paid on Christmas Eve meant that we were able to fully indulge, along with cashing in our Christmas Club funds that we’d been saving all year. Brandy, whisky, wine, beer and a bottle of fizz, along with treats like Baileys extra thick double cream to load onto mince pies, salmon, cheeses and things like Terrys chocolate oranges for stockings.

Back at home I did the final wrapping up while Ady got the curry on – we always had a Christmas Eve takeaway back on the mainland, ever since our first Christmas together – clearly not an option here so a homemade curry has to suffice. Maybe next year we’ll plan to cook extra in advance and freeze it so it is more like a takeaway!

While at the shop we had learnt that the internet had been struck by lightning earlier in the day and was out of order. Word was that it would be out until Boxing Day at the earliest, if fixable on Rum by venturing up Hebnet Hill, longer if it was something requiring a part to be sent up. This filled us rather with dismay – both as we knew we had people who were waiting for updates on our safety on facebook, friend feed, blog and by email. And because we had planned lots of iplayer viewing for our slice of Christmas TV pretending to still be normal – Doctor Who, Open All Hours, Miranda!

The kids went to bed lateish and then pretended to be asleep at about midnight so we were able to load up under the tree and in stockings. I think we were in bed by 1am. It was eerily quiet and felt as though we were all holding our breath waiting.

Davies and Scarlett woke about 715am and opened their stockings in Davies’ room. Ady got up and put the kettle on and got the fire lit and I followed about 15 minutes later. Presents were more reserved this year but they still had about 15 gifts each under the tree, mostly things they had specifically asked for and a few surprises. Davies had 4 DS games, some books, some lego, some pencils, a laser pen. I had also got him a Spy Watch with secret video camera and microphone, some clothes and more books. Scarlett had Playmobile, clothes, DS games, books and I had made her a cuddly pig and we got her an MP4 player with a load of her photos that used to be on a mains plug in digital photoframe that she loved and lots of her favourite music and a tiny, tiny opinel knife that she saw back in LLangollen when we were WWOOFing and has talked about ever since. Everyone had Christmas jumpers 🙂

Ady got the fullbox set of The Good Life on dvd, a penknife, chocolate, biscuits. I got books, a new headtorch, a new rechargable reading light and some of the very best chocolates that no one else likes (my most favourite sort!) Scarlett gave me my favourite of her candles and Davies had made me the most fantastic book all about me going on Popmaster – fully illustrated with a fill in the blanks popmaster question bit at the back ending with Ken Bruce awarding me with a signed autograph, which is enclosed in the back of the book and is a genuine Ken Bruce autograph. I LOVE it ! 🙂

Presents all exchanged we listened to Junior Choice on the radio, opened the fizz for Bucks Fizz and ate cinnamon rolls fresh from the oven. Yum.

Ady fed the animals and the kids got stuck into their various things. It was a very chilled morning. We managed to get signal around midday and rang my parents to speak to everyone there – Mum, Dad, Kat, Frazer and Robin. It was nice to hear them all happy and together and meant I was able to feel pleased to be not there without feeling guilty! 😉

At 2pm we were all ready for some fresh air and exercise so walked down to the shop for a glass of fizz as Jinty opened for a couple of hours. It was very festive feeling in there and Bonnie was allowed off the lead and behaved really well, playing with Jock and striking the right balance of friendly but not annoying to everyone at the shop.

Back home again almost at dinner time. We had a modest sized but very delicious Christmas dinner and watched The Good Life Christmas special which felt entirely appropriate.

The rest of the day was equally low key, music, some games, lots of chocolate and drink and nice nibbles. Lots of kids on DSs. We all went to bed around 11pm, knackered.

Boxing Day we had a boat! The kids slept in while Ady and I went to meet it, then realised it was running to a different timetable – d’oh! So we came home again, via collecting a car full of firewood to at least justify the journey. We faffed with the washing machine a bit and have now deduced it will need more water pressure than our water butt offers. We have a plan to test this theory this weekend, fingers crossed.

Back to the boat where petrol came off at last – hurrah! A bit of a festive catch up with various people at the boat and then home for late lunch. The internet came back – woohoo! Lots of packing stuff up and carting it down the hill to go to the castle where we had been invited for Boxing Day games, snacks and sleepover fun.

It was us, Mel & Em and Vikki. We had a really nice afternoon / evening playing low brow games like Bird Bingo, Mexican Train Dominos, Trivial Pursuit, Charades. Davies and Ady played lots of X box, Scarlett and Emily did loads of crafting stuff. Lots of nice food, Bonnie was really well behaved and just wandered about and hung out under the table. A real highlight was skyping with Mel’s family who have a Boxing day tradition of indoor fireworks so we joined them virtually for that. It was utterly hilarious, most definitely made all the funnier for Mel’s clear utter cringing mortification at her family. Loved it! 🙂

We all went off to bed about midnight – the kids slept in one room, Ady and I in another but in twin beds. I had a poor nights sleep, first too cold, then woke all tense and clenched where I was cold, then felt a bit ill so sat in the loo for a while, then back to bed only to be woken by Bonnie about an hour later wimpering. I woke Ady to deal with that as I knew she probably needed to go out for a wee and I had no contact lenses in so didn;t fancy blundering around various levels of the castle to get out. I still had to lay awake with the light on to check he came back a few minutes later and had not been locked out though. I finally got to sleep just before dawn I think.

Mel was already at work when we all got up so we breakfasted with Emily and then headed off. The kids popped along to the yurt to light a fire and we caught up with Ali in the village then all came home to fed animals.

Ady had a frustrating day trying and failing to get the wind turbine up – the cable which runs up the inside of the pole had fallen down inside and despite repeated best efforts could not be coaxed up again. He is planning to deal with it tomorrow morning while I am at work. I burned all the rubbish from Christmas deliveries, got the fire going and bought in more wood and assisted and encouraged in phase one of post Christmas tidy up. We may have guests next week so room needed to be made in bedrooms and I have been feeling generally oppressed by the level of stuff closing in on us. I do love Christmas decorations but after three weeks I am ready to declutter again and have our already very space limited static feeling a bit roomier once more.

Dinner was leftovers. We have ordered my birthday present (reconditioned camera), caught up a bit online and I really need to go to bed as I have work in the morning!

I am so cautious about feeling positive incase another big storm comes and takes the roof away but we have had a good few days and all is heading in the right direction.

On Saturday morning I worked and it was a good couple of hours, lots of people in, plenty of them stopping for a cup of tea and a chat. I came home and Ady had more or less finished the pig move, I helped a bit and then we had lunch before heading down to the castle for carols. While there we processed all the laundry mountain, getting two washes and one load of drying done and back home with the second load of drying on and ready for collecting the next day. That was a literal load off my mind, every time I went in the bathroom my heart would sink at the heap of dirty laundry to deal with and I was running out of clean pants! Hopefully our petrol will arrive soon and we can actually test the washing machine here on the croft.

Carols were lovely – mulled wine, mince pies, someone playing the gorgeous steinway piano in the great hall and a load of us gathered to sing together. It was a perfect couple of hours 🙂 Fixed my soul. Home for wrapping presents for me, cooking dinner for Ady and a festive film. Everything felt so much better.

Yesterday was Turkey Day. Ady did the first one on his own – the disabled one that we have been nurturing along for the last 2 weeks. Fliss had rather screwed Ady down on a price so we sold her that one discounted as the leg was bruised. We’ve made our money back on it though and it would never have continued for long so was always a lost cause once it had been injured. I helped with the second one. We shot it in the head to kill it, then bled it and then plucked it. I helped with the plucking and Ady gave me a very comprehensive turkey biology. It’s crop was huge, so big and full I brought it up for the kids to cut open and inspect – full of fresh grass and grain. All it’s organs were pink and healthy and although sad to have killed an animal it makes me happy to know what a great life our animals have.

We delivered Fliss’ turkey, collected the laundry and then I made some cranberry sauce, some bread, some mince pies and got dinner sorted as Vikki was coming up to eat with us. we had a nice evening with her although she stayed later than I was really up for being hospitable for so I went straight to bed when she left at about 1am.

Today was a rescheduled ferry and although our petrol didn’t come everything else did including some things I had given up expecting before Christmas so that was great. Ady and I walked down to collect the post and some bits from the shop then home for a late lunch. The kids spent the morning decorating gingerbread houses that Dave and Naomi had brought for them when they visited and Scarlett in particular was very artistic and spent hours on it. They look fab and smell divine. I turned the ginger infused vodka into liqueur and had a disasterous attempt at icing the Christmas cake which will need fixing up tomorrow once the first layer is dry. It will taste fine though which is the main thing!

Ady did lots of ‘just popping out…’ things which was a bit irritating as we had agreed to spend this week with the kids but they enjoyed having me around all day. Tomorrow they want to make stockings, I want to sort the cake out and we’re all heading to the shop for mulled wine and mince pies in the evening before our traditional Christmas Eve curry.

I am ignoring the weather…

I’m so fretful about the pigs 🙁 I feel so guilty that two animals in our care have died. I can make lots of excuses or justifications and I know that in their name we will be better pigkeepers and learn lessons for the future but it utterly sucks that creatures have died in the name of our learning lessons. I think that they were just too small and thin to make it through this incredibly challenging winter – everyone on Rum is saying it has been the wettest, windiest winter they can ever remember. The wind is just relentless, we have almost gotten used to the walls flexing and the roof rattling it is so commonplace. That makes me feel bad that we did not manage to feed and fatten them sufficiently to give them reserves make it through and that we have failed to house them adequately. I am trying really hard not to get too hung up on this incase we lose any more of them because I don’t need to find sticks to beat myself with.

So this morning we planned to move them. Ady worked on building a new house with a floor while I worked on moving the fence. Except the electric fence wire is so tangled I spent bloody hours untangling rather than actually doing much else. I have now ordered new fence wire and a fancy reel to use so that this never happens again but for today it was grim, bleak and very frustrating. I should have put my waterproofs on but I thought it would be an hours job at most so went out in jeans and a padded shirt without even having had a cup of tea – that’s how optimistic I was. Four hours later, soaked to the skins, teeth chattering, shivering and utterly demoralised I came in having finished but feeling totally defeated. There was no bread because I’d not made any, I was very caffiene deficient, hungry, had not done anything towards the kids Christmas party and was wearing my very last pair of clean pants because the dirty laundry pile has grown to two bags while we hold off using the castle laundry until a) we have tested our washing machine and b) we have enough money to proces laundry at the castle.

So it all got very on top of me and I cried 🙁 Fortunately on the rare occasions when I lose it everyone else steps up. Scarlett came and pushed my hair behind my ears, passed me a tissue and gave me a fantastic pep talk, Davies bought me chocolate from the shop, people at the hall were lovely to me and people on facebook were even lovelier. Ady has been a superstar and now the fire is drying all the wet things (including a couple of pairs of emergency handwashed pants), I’ve had a drink or five, watched a Christmas movie and eaten (and drunk lots of tea) everything seems feasible and manageable again. Still lots to do – turkeys to kill, pluck and oven ready, much laundry to process, pig move to finish and wind turbine to put up – if it ever stops being so bloody windy!!! but we have two more days before we have declared the ‘end of term’ for Christmas break and I have gingerbread houses to construct, mince pies to bake, stockings to help make and snowball to drink – Monday and Tuesday is Family Christmas time regardless of anything else.

Counting down….

Another disturbed night – windtastic til gone 3am. This morning all was calm though. The ferry had been disrupted and was just calling once at 150pm rather than the usual 1135 and 2pm so we were able to listen to Popmaster after all. My dad said to me on the phone last night ‘have you been listening this week? There was one question I actually knew!’ to which I replied ‘Yes, and I said to Ady that I bet you knew that one when it came up’. I love that little connection with my Dad every weekday morning.

Then I chopped some firewood while Ady did toilet-related maintenance before it was time to head off and gather winkles to put on the boat. We got them from their various places around the bay, loaded them on the car bonnet (as the back door isn’t opening at the moment!) and double bagged them all, labelled them and stuck them on a pallet which Dave tractored on to the boat for us. A general chat with folk down at the pier including Merry Christmas hugs for Paul and Coryla who were heading off (so that’s another empty home in the village, hostel now has no staff or visitors).

New boots came on the boat for both Ady and I but we’re still waiting for a couple of presents for the kids and our petrol didn’t come, we’ve been promised Monday now.

We walked home leaving the car in the village for later and got caught in a massive hailstorm with hailstones the size of marbles and a bit of thunder and lightning. I’ll have more bruises on my legs from the hail! Home for long enough to eat some toast and have a cup of tea before it was time to head back to the village for the nativity. We did our snowflake turn, sang some festive songs and then I stayed for a second mulled wine with Lesley while the others headed home to get dinner on and let Bonnie out. I walked all the way home singing Christmas carols at the top of my voice 🙂

Tonights dvd was Mickey’s Once Upon a Christmas, a triple of Disney festive cartoons which was lovely and I am finally feeling properly Christmassy. Tomorrow we’re doing some more pig house improvements and then have the kids Christmas party in the hall where Ady is playing santa. We’re hoping to get the wind turbine up on Saturday, we have Vikki up for dinner on Sunday and then we are planning to not do anything other than feed the animals twice a day for the week from Monday. Not sure when we’ll hear about the price on the winkles but at least they will be with the person who is doing the next bit with them.

Winkles are done for this year. We have nearly six full sacks which is pretty good going for 4 days, wish we’d managed to find a contact earlier but it should still bring us a few hundred quid which is going straight in the nissen hut fund to kick start us. They are booked on tomorrow’s boat and the bloke is collecting them – fingers crossed for the boat running, for the winkles getting there safe and for us getting a decent price for them. Lots of ifs and buts and unknowns there really but our work is done.

Another dead pig yesterday, the other little girl. I am worried about the smallest boy, infact I’m worried about all of them really 🙁 Ady buried her next to her sister. We’re learning all the time with this animal keeping lark, it’s just so tough when your method of learning more is dead animals 🙁 We have moved their house, Ady has put a buffer sheet across the front to stop the wind and we collected an old door from SNH today to put down as a base. We’ll move them this weekend to a drier patch of land too although of course that is only dry relative to where they are rather than actually dry…

The wind is back tonight, it’ supposed to peak at about 3am and then die down, fingers crossed it does and the boat runs.

There isn’t much in the way of other news really – the kids have been home doing pre Christmas stuff the last couple of days – they are happy enough left up here in the warm to play while we go a-winkling. Tomorrow is the nativity play and on Friday it’s a kids Christmas party. We want to get the pigs moved and the wind turbine up but other than that we are done with any real jobs and next week is going to be all about Christmas. I’ve been going through photos of the last year and reminding myself of all that is amazing and great and good about life here but the fact is Ady and I are exhausted and just need a rest from the relentlessness of surviving here in a caravan in a harsh winter. I can use all the positive thinking in the world and know that this is the right place for us but we have hit the sort of wall that can only really be circumnavigated by a big helping hand or an uplift of some sort. I am hoping a happy family Christmas with the possibly promise of a really good Hogmanay might just do that for us.

Yesterday was crazy windy and Ady was not happy leaving Davies and Scarlett home alone, I didn’t think getting them up early and dragging them out was a good plan either so we compromised with just him going winkle picking. I got up and decided that was mad and if there were winkles to be picked then I should be picking ’em, so got the kids up and we all went down together. It was indeed mad crazy windy and although nothing did go wrong at the static I think they would have felt scared home alone. I dropped them and Bonnie off at the hall with their tablets and headed off to find Ady.

It was horrible down on the beach, the wind was constantly whipping at your face and throwing up spray, not particularly cold but just nasty. The wind was blowing towards the coast and just totally prevented the tide from going out at all really so there was no where to pick from. We persevered but were achieving nothing. Vikki wandered over to say Hi and comment on how not low the tide was and invited us back for a cup of tea which at that point was probably the thing we both wanted most in the world. We said we’d give it a further half an hour and she headed off to collect the kids from the hall and put the kettle on at her house.

We got about a quarter of a sack between us and decided that given there is no guarantee of getting a boat on Thursday to get the winkles off anyway we would have one more try today but if it was no better we’d give it a miss for this year. Secured our sack just below the high tide line with lots of rocks and headed to Vikki’s. She had given the kids hot ribena and put some sausage rolls in the oven – love her 🙂 We came home and Manager Mike was here, having arrived by a different route to bring us some apples. He was heading off today and wanted to wish us seasons greetings, find out if the rumour about me resigning as director was true and have a chat before he left. He stayed for an hour or so chatting and then we had showers and Ady cooked a lovely roast dinner.

Today was less windy so we were able to leave the kids to make their own way down. Davies had to light a fire in Claire’s yurt so we arranged to meet them once we had finished winkling and they had done that and we took Bonnie with us. We are struggling to get petrol for the genny booked off the island and back on again so Doug the ghillie was leaving today in his van and smuggled our empty jerry can off for us and dropped it off at the fuel merchants for refilling – I feel much more confident we might get it back before Christmas now that it is actually already off the island and getting refilled.

Winkle picking was good today – Ady and I both got a good 3/4 of a sack each – if we manage that again tomorrow and Wednesday we’ll be sending off the best part of 5 sacks and rumour is that the price might be as high as £150 a sack. Every penny will help and is planned to be the kickstart fund for our nissen hut build. I’m clinging to that thought.

The sad news was that when Ady went to feed the animals he found the smallest girl pig dead in the house. We had walked along the croft edge yesterday on the way home from Vikki’s and seen all the pigs and Dave the cockerel. This morning Dave and Speedy the pig were dead. I am less surprised about Dave as he was ailing a bit anyway although we thought we had pulled him round but Speedy is a real shame and a mystery. As we don’t know the reason for death we won’t eat the meat, particularly as she was due to be kept being Scarlett’s favourite pigly. A tough day 🙁 I had plenty of time to ponder on all of this while winkle picking but I know that big decisions should never be made on bad days.

The kids met up with us just as we were about done and the ferry was due in so we all went to the boat. The wind turbine is here 🙂 It’s too windy to put it up (oh the irony) but fingers crossed for Friday or Saturday for that. We had various post including lots of presents which means all the biggest gifts for the kids are now here. I am waiting on a few bits and pieces but nothing that would matter terribly much if it didn’t make it here in time, it will just extend Christmas a wee bit more!

We got home and I got the fire lit as I was getting really cold and achy from sitting too long in the cold car after the winkle picking. I made some bread and then dinner. We watched Home Alone 2 as advent movie tonight. It’s really windy again tonight and I am almost dreading seeing what the next morning brings. Life seems very tricky just now.

Yesterday I mostly just enjoyed properly feeling better. I spent some time sorting out the storage area under the sofa and filling up jars and tubs with pasta, rice, flour, seeds and so on. I made pastry and left it to chill, finished off the Rumble and then went down to do a phone / Skype interview for the second applicant for the bunkhouse PM job. He was my favourite but I have deferred to the others and we have gone with the other one. I am just as confident they will do the job just fine, I just preferred this one. I got home just before needing a torch and Ady had finished the laundrette. We’re waiting now for a) more petrol to arrive on a non cancelled ferry and b) a day that is not so windy we are able to actually hang wet washing out without it blowing across to the mainland before we test it but in theory it is ready to go :). Very excited. This could be more life changing than the Great Bagel Setting on the Toaster Discovery of 2008.

I made mince pies (which are delicious and already almost gone!) and pizza and we watched Fred Claus which was excellent and is probably my favourite advent film so far. I realised today we are missing Charlie Brown Christmas and The Snowman so have ordered both but they may not get here in time so will go in the pile for next year.

I worked this morning – the weather was hideous so hardly anyone came in but I enjoyed tidying up the herbs and spices which always annoy me when I am shopping as they were all disordered :). Ady came down to meet me as we were expecting a reduced to clear sale to happen but it was rescheduled for later today and I didn’t manage to get hold of him because Jinty had taken the shop phone home in her pocket!

Home for lunch, I played some games using marbles with Scarlett and then headed back down to the village to meet with Lesley and Vikki to make our final decision on the PM job. Ady followed me down and we did indeed get some cheap and free bargains at the shop before coming home for dinner. Tonights dvd was Christmas with the Simpsons which is just some festive episodes and was a bit weak really but I had got Island of Misfit Toys (which was a favourite of Davies when he was really small) from ebay so we watched that too.

Tomorrow is winkle picking = not sure if I am dreading it or looking forward to it. A bit of both I think. Wish it was not forecast to be so windy though as we need to be on the beach for 9am to catch tides and the kids will still be in bed then and I don’t like leaving them up here on their own when it is too windy.

Just as we thought the challenge was over…. on Monday we met the ferry on which there was nothing for us at all, put our veg order in and then I had to go back down in the evening for a run through of the interview questions for the Bunkhouse Project Manager job for the following day.

I felt not right while I was down at Lesley’s doing that and by the time I’d walked home I was feeling really out of breath and just wrong. It was really hot in the static which made me feel worse. Mike came up for dinner which was a lovely curry Ady made but I couldn’t face it and although I kept hinting about needing to be up in the morning Mike took forever to leave and when I did get to bed around midnight I had a restless night tossing and turning and still feeling rough.

By morning I was dashing to the loo and feeling all hot and cold and clammy and distant. I thought it was too short notice to not do the interview which has been a nightmare to organises – they were supposed to be last week but boats got cancelled, the guy from Eigg had come over the day before and stayed the night and was off back to Eigg via another overnight on the mainland, the poor guy from Canna has still not managed to get here and we’re skype interviewing him tomorrow. I just about got through it before staggering (quite literally!) home. If someone had been watching I’m sure they’d have thought I was drunk coming home, it took me about 35 minutes instead of my usual 15 and I just fell into bed.

Scarlett was an absolute angel throughout, bringing me tea, water, constantly checking me and tucking me in. That child has compassion and caring far beyond anything she gets from me, Davies tends to avoid anything germy or yucky so has given me smiles and waves from afar! 😆 Then followed a hideous shadowy 30 hours or so of bolting to the loo, not always making it, wind rattling the walls and roof, nightmare dreams and feeling like death. Poor Ady dealt with all of it so well from sleeping in the lounge (I have to clamber over him to get in and out of bed so it wouldn’t have worked him sleeping in with me even if there had been bedding to use!) and then spent almost all of the next day at the castle processing laundry 🙁 It was awful, dreadful and more than enough to have me seriously questionning what the bloody hell we are doing living in a caravan away from supermarkets, flushing toilets and washing machines!!!

Eventually by yesterday evening I had started to feel a bit more like me and had showered, eaten a little bit and sat with the others being a bit more human again. The bed was made back up and Ady was able to come back to the bedroom. Unfortunately due to being asleep for so much of the previous 24 hours I then couldn’t sleep so was awake til crazy oclock reading anyway.

Today I have felt almost normal, just a bit weak. I chopped some wood, brought it in and stacked it up, made bread and made dinner which was my limit. Made me realise just how physical our lives here are just normally even without carrying sacks of animal feed about or marching up and down the hill. Ady spent the day constructing our laundry – another galvanised sheet add on to the wood store in which we’ll put the washing machine and our second genny. It has a sloping roof with guttering into a water butt which will feed the washing machine. Fingers crossed it will be up and running next week – having spent nearly £20 down at the castle laundrette yesterday it will be very welcome! It’s so breezy and exposed here that we can line dry year round and then just air infront of the log burner so hopefully our carting laundry up and down the hill days are almost over.

Ady and the kids went down to the nativity dress rehearsal which they said was great fun, I stayed home to get dinner on and just not push myself too far. Aside from photo calendars each for my parents and Granny all the christmas shopping is done, just waiting for stuff to arrive and keeping fingers crossed that ferries come as we are waiting on petrol, diesel, wind turbine and most of the kids Christmas presents still to arrive.

The wind is back. Not scary wind, just noisy and taunting us by making the wind turbine whizz round noisily while creating no power. We’ll try and take it down maybe tomorrow.

Scarlett had a lovely birthday – after such a bad nights sleep the night before we were very relieved when everyone slept in later than planned – after 8am seemed like a very respectable time to be getting up when Davies was asking if he could get out of bed yet from about 5am on his birthday!

Rum is currently egg-less island with all of the many resident domestic birds on the island including all our own off lay for the season. The non arrival of Thursdays boat meant no eggs to be had and so Scarlett’s first, second and third birthday breakfast choices were all off the menu (fresh toast, cinnamon rolls, pancakes) so I made cinnamon doughnuts instead. They were a little doughier than we’d have liked which sounds like an odd complaint for dough-nuts really I guess but she assured me were a satisfactory substitute!

Presents from us included Playmobil, candle making bits and bobs – after having several candle making kits last year I was able to top up supplies such as wicks, wax, wick holders and wax dye which meant more supplies for the money. She’d asked for a home made cuddly toy of one of the Croft animals so I’d made a Barbara Pig and a Bonnie and some bits and bobs including an edible Christmas decoration for Humphrey’s cage, some Adventure Time tattoos. From my parents she had a Playmobil ferry (which looks a lot like our calmac Loch Nevis). I’m glad we are still in the age of toys and not just gadgets but her main gift was a DSlite. Although both Davies and Scarlett have a 3DS they miss playing their rumble pack games (they had hundreds!) on old DSlites so both asked for one of those. Davies paid half of his, we bought Scarlett’s. I am fairly sure they are copies, imported from Hong Kong off ebay but they work fine and at 50 quid each seem worth the money. Except they didn’t arrive in time due to the cancelled ferry on Thursday. Davies had spent weeks making Scarlett a book – a full 30 odd pages long, fully illustrated called Adventure Croft – a combination of Adventure Time and Croft 3 featuring Davies, Scarlett and Bonnie and characters from Adventure Time. It’s all a bit over my head but is their current favourite thing to disappear and giggle over on youtube. She was very delighted with all her gifts but says she loves the home made ones the best. 🙂

After breakfast the kids played mostly with Scarlett’s playmobil – Davies is now chief instruction follower and construction manager of making up the pieces – I sort of miss that role as it always used to fall to me, but it’s lovely to see them heads together working on stuff so I left them to it and made birthday cake and birthday tiffin instead.

Lunch was also menu planned by Scarlett – crackers, cheese (stilton, brie, cheddar), twiglets, pringles, peanuts, olives, pickled onions, chorizo followed by tiffin. We watched the Advent Movie of the day which was Merry Madagascar while eating.

In the afternoon the kids went out to play in the snow for a bit and then Scarlett and I did some candlemaking together. I assembled the cake and we all went down to the village to share it with friends and sing Happy Birthday. There was a HUGE turn out at the shop with loads of people there to sing, eat cake and wish her Happy Birthday. And a big pile of presents too – £10 in cash, a box of chocolates, a zebra hat, soft toy, owl necklace, books, modelling clay, sweets, tie dye dylon, notepad made from elephant dung, a mini tent, a DS game, pens and more. Lucky girl 🙂 The childrens’ birthdays here always restore my faith in our choice to live on Rum when I see how much Rum belongs to them and they belong to Rum, how the community sees them as ‘our Rum children’ and know them so well. They never miss the parties of old when they still get to celebrate birthdays with people who mean so much to them and are so thoroughly spoilt.

Home later than planned due to such a nice evening at the shop for Scarlett’s dinner choice of roast gammon and mashed potatoes. Much joking about the Nigella ham in coke having a whole new meaning these days! 🙂 A late night all round.

Yesterday morning I worked and had my usual nice Saturday morning playing shop. Norman brought me down a cheese and onion pasty fresh from his oven, still warm for my elevenses 🙂 Delicious. Dave and Naomi came down to the shop to say goodbye before Ady took them all along to the ferry to leave. Then he and the kids came back to collect me, having got our parcels from the ferry which included all the missing birthday presents and some cards from family too.

It had been our plan to find our Christmas tree but we popped down to the yurt to light Claires fire and discovered some damage that needed attention so by the time we arrived home for a very late lunch it was already nearly 230pm and starting to get dark. We were still missing a turkey and I had found some piles of feathers so Ady and went off searching. We found it tucked into the hedge, still alive and well aside from a broken or dislocated leg. We took it back to the rest of the group but it couldn’t keep up so we went down to the river with an axe but stood debating what to do for so long we lost daylight. The dilemma is whether to kill it now and have to freeze it or keep it alive for another week to have fresh. we were always going to be eating either this or one of the other male turkeys for our Christmas dinner so it is not a problem but we are short of space in our freezer anyway and a fresh bird would be nicer. We delayed the decision by sticking it in the car with food and water for the night where it gobbled down both and looked very comfortable.

I spent the evening ordering a replacement wind turbine and all of the Christmas presents for Davies and Scarlett – not really feasible to do much earlier than this as there is nowhere to store presents when they arrive but hopefully early enough to allow for postal or delivery delays and any more cancelled ferries.

Today it has rained all day. Ady did a few bits outside while I have been in all day, chatting with the kids, brushed Scarlett’s hair, knitted, wrote the handful of Christmas cards we’re sending and letters to go in with them and made a start on the Rum newsletter. Despite a fairly quiet day we all still feel tired but have Mike up for dinner tomorrow and a plan to fetch that elusive Christmas tree.

What a week. ‘What you wanna do’ Dave and Quiet Naomi have been here lots. Dave continues to be annoying but very kind hearted and generous which is an odd mix as it makes you feel both irritated and guilty. Eilidh and Scarlett have failed to find any sort of connection while Davies is visibly (and audibly!) relieved when Ben heads away home at the end of each day. We have said we will see them tomorrow evening at the shop for birthday cake but spend family birthdays just the four of us so have a lovely day of Just Goddards tomorrow.

After lots of issues I finally decided that I don’t actually want to be part of the IRCT board of directors just now. There are too many squabbles, whisperers and destructive and obstructive forces and it is such a fragile time for the trust just now. I’m not the first to retire early and I’m sure I’ll not be the last, I feel a bit bad that I have added to the unrest but it was sapping way too much of my time and energy and I was not feeling sufficient intrinsic reward or that I was making a worthwhile difference to justify the physical and mental drain on my time. I’m a bit teary about it but already feeling mostly just relieved which is a big step on feeling bitter and resentful which is how I could envisage it going. Ady is being very supportive and while its felt very challenging dealing with all of that while putting on a happy ‘move to Rum, it’s great’ face for the visitors, dealing with the worst weather we have ever encountered and agonising over the fact the ferry didn’t come today and therefore many of Scarlett’s birthday presents are not here in time I am sure next week when everyone has gone away, Scarlett is 11 and the weather returns to some semblance of normal and I’ve had a decent nights sleep it will all feel back in perspective again.

Ady and I were in one of our questioning moods this week wondering whether we are supposed to be here, are clinging on out of bravado or uncertainty about what to do next and last night felt like a good test. We were very que sera sera about what might happen, deciding that if the static got ripped apart then that would be our sign that our time here has come to an end. We seem to have been spared and sitting here with the table loaded with the presents (and some IOU on the next ferry vouchers) in the flickering candlelight with the fire all cosy and images of the kids playing in the snow today gives us renewed hope that this might be the right place for us in the end.

I look back on my blog from the days when Ady worked, I stayed at home HEing and think how samey it all was compared to the rollercoaster that was WWOOFing and now Rum. The highs here still outweigh the lows although the spectrum we span is SOOOOO much wider these days but when I recall all those ‘inspirational’ quotes I plastered that hall with at our Bye Then party I am reminded of what we felt was lacking, what we were searching for and what we hoped our lives might become and I realise we are living our dream just now, just at times the pinching to check we are awake hurts a bit more than it should.

Up early (for me) this morning to be organised. Oven on, bread rolls shaped from dough made last night straight in. Pastry made, mince pies in the oven in rotation, veg peeled, chopped and bagged up for soup making down at the hall, cake decorated and everything loaded up ready to take to the car. Kids advent calendared up and then left to walk down with Bonnie.

As usual everything takes longer than planned so I was frantically getting soup on and laying stuff out when Fliss arrived for Christmas Fayre so I didn’t do as much helping as I’d planned in setting that up with her, then Davies and Scarlett arrived so they set their stuff up and I carried on getting the teashop sorted.

Ady was a superstar in the kitchen cooking up chips, making hot drinks and doing the back of house stuff while I mostly chatted and served at the front. Sean, Ali and Eve came, as did Fliss and her girls, Mel, Dave and Naomi, the volunteer who is still here on Rum and Lesley & Bad Neil. We took just over £60 so made over £40 for the hall roof fund. I sold some chocolates and the kids both sold some candles and cards. We did free refills of mulled wine so Lesley and I had three mugs each and it felt a weeny bit like Christmas camp with lots of kitchen activity, mulled wine and Christmas songs playing.

Everyone left and it was just us, Dave and Naomi. We’d been invited to their kabin for dinner so Ady nipped home to the croft to feed the animals and he thought he was meeting us at the kabins while we thought he was meeting us at the hall. Then Scarlett and Davies confided that they had got locked out of the static and had to climb back in through the window but forgotten to tell us there was a problem with the door. I had visions of Ady here in the dark with no torch trying to find tools by the light of his phone and break in to the static, door running wild, pigs on the loose – Ady would have not had a straightforward trauma! So I decided I should come and check out what was happening incase he needed help. I arranged to meet Dave and Naomi back at the kabin and the kids and I walked home by the light of my mobile phone only to find no one at the croft and the door perfectly fine. So we gathered torches and another layer of clothes and headed back down knowing either Ady was properly lost somewhere or we’d crossed with him in which case he would probably come in the car for us when Naomi, Ben and Eilidh got back to the kabin. Sure enough at the bridge along came our car!

Back to the kabin for sausage sandwiches and some chats around the fire before the day caught up with all of us and we decided it was time to head back home for bed. The kids had half an hour playing as they find Ben and Eilidh rather hard work so wanted to just relax in their own company a bit before bed time. It’s another busy week ahead.

Yesterday morning was dealing with the aftermath of high winds during the night. We’d lost our washing line – totally our own fault for not bringing in some laundry which had gotten wet and therefore heavy in the rain and then whipped about in the wind so much that the fence post had snapped that was supporting the washing line. It is properly windy here when it’s windy, no messing about! Having previously only ever lived somewhere very non windy (1987 aside of course) this still take me by surprise. I recall leaving a (full) 4 pint milk carton outside the front door of the static and it getting blown away, that would never happen in Sussex!

Ady dealt with that while I emptied the poo loo (we have a luggable loo in the bathroom inside now for after dark / nasty weather outside times so that we don’t have to venture outside and it then gets tipped into the compost loo the following day. I bought a load of firewood in and then went down to plant the fruit trees in the fruit cage which is now full. It was very windy so hard as everything kept getting whipped away but I did it all and wrote the placement of everything down so I now have a map of what is planted there.

Back in for lunch, bread and pizza dough making and decorating the sweets I’d made. The logburner fan is working so well that there was nowhere in the static cool enough to put them for the chocolate to set properly! I had a phone chat with my Dad which was lovely.

We’re waiting on the next series of Will and Grace so went back to Friends which we’d abandoned but has now grown on the kids a little.

Today was work for me in the morning. I had a busy couple of hours and it went quickly – some good chats with Mel, Stuart, Sean the Rat, and then Ali and Lesley. I do like my couple of hours work on a Saturday morning :). Ady and the kids went to meet the boat and then came round to meet me in various groupings – Davies and Ben, Scarlett and Eilidh and then Ady and the car with a trailer full of stuff. I’d jokingly sent What You Want To Do Dave a wish list of baths and a washing machine! when he asked if I wanted him to put out a request on his local freecycle list for anything as they were bringing a trailer up. And off the boat came the trailer – which is also for us and will make getting logs, animal feed and friends luggage SO much easier, complete with two baths – one tin for us to do the pig processing, one plastic complete with taps and waste for us at some point – it’s currently in the polytunnel but if the nissen hut all comes good it will have a home before too long, a fire and back boiler which could meet the same fate and a washing machine. We’re hoping to build a wee shed from galvanised sheeting, hook it up to our spare genny, plumb it in to the river water and out into a ditch and away we go!

Ady and I brought it all up to the croft and unloaded the trailer. One bath is now by the pigs, one in the polytunnel, the fire is on a pallet and there is just the washing machine to get up the hill tomorrow. While we were doing that Dave and Naomi arrived so we spent a couple of hours drinking tea and chatting with them. I was supposed to be getting on with stuff for tomorrow but failed so had a fairly long evening making dinner, bread dough, cake, mince pies and packing up the chocolates. My mincepies are not very nice as I have been adding fruit to the mincemeat over the last few weeks but forgotten to add sugar so they are on the bitter side. I have dredged them very much with icing sugar which will help and they are being served with brandy sauce but if I get up early enough I may make some more in the morning between baking rolls, prepping soup and decorating the cake.

Dinner was late as a result and I am knackered now so off to bed, tomorrow is due to be another long and busy day.