One word? When seven would do…

Chums, chicken, confusion and childbirth…

or Chubby Checker (sure he did wipeout with the Beach Boys in the 80s)

Probably the best nights sleep we have had in years last night, both horrors asleep by 8.30, both slept through until gone 7am this morning. Not sure how we did this, unsure whether we acidentally gave them sleep inducing food / drink / drugs or simply wore them out and confused them with a three day weekend but wish I could bottle it. So the Chums were the new friends we met today, the chicken was my dinner, the confusion is my total lack of comprehension of what day it is today (let alone tomorrow – hey it’s poncho day tomorrow!) and the childbirth is for the continuation of the conversation with Monster from last night about how babies get out of mummies’ tummies.

New friends came round this morning – someone from the EO list who I had exchanged emails with before we moved back here and contacted me last week to see if we had settled enough for a meet up. She has a 16yo dd who is in school (coincidentally the one I went to!) and a 6yo and 4yo dd who came round with her today. We got on with the serious business of bonding and chatting while my two and her two dismantled Teeny’s bedroom for toys, dolls, cuddly animals and so on. Ady was working from home (read hiding upstairs) and Monster did take refuge with him for a bit when it all got a bit too girly for him – apparantly they ‘wouldn’t play his games’ but coming from a family of three daughters and no sons I am guessing cars, trainsets and building stuff are not within their usual repertoire – this was confirmed by their Mum! They left with us arranging to visit them next week – the fab thing is that she is an artist and is more than happy to spend afternoons with the four of them getting busy with clay, paints, playdough and various other crafty stuff – all I need to supply is children in old clothes – hurrah!

They left and we had a late lunch which Ady joined us for, then Teeny went upstairs to ‘help’ him with his work (read mither him to pieces!) while Monster and I (yes I admit it, mainly me!) built without a doubt the very best wooden train track we have ever constructed. It was huge, took up the whole lounge, used almost every bit of track and bridges and so on we have and incorporated swirls, twists, turns, bridges, figure of 8s and more – we were both very proud 🙂

Ady then came down and handed over details of a new form for work he wanted creating by me while he played with the kids. He did more trainsets with Monster, some Dora on the Leap Pad with Teeny while I shouted ‘arse!’ a lot at the computer while I fought with first word, then excel to get his form done, then spent some time trying to get my own website sorted. Meanwhile Ady took the kids into the kitchen to assist in the cooking of their tea, so that’s science, cookery and Home ec sorted for this week! He then bathed them and once Teeny was asleep I shot off for my weekly childfree meander round Tescos. Came back to find Monster still awake so sat with him for a while til he dropped off and that was Tuesday!

Tomorrow we need to take some library books back and then Rachel, E, Kerry, EL and K are coming over in the afternoon – and bringing the poncho with them 🙂

Boots, beaches and bank holidays!

Oh and for Tim – Brother Beyond (or is that 90s? Bananarama then!)

Not a bad day all things considered! Up late at 9.30am – although I had not got to bed till gone 1am as Teeny woke at midnight just as I slid into bed and found my page in my book (Bad Mothers Handbook trash fans!), she then came into bed with us where she writhed and wriggled for hours so despite the late hour of my arising I am still sleep deprived!

The cat had crapped all around the bedroom inbetween me going downstairs and Ady going up to get dressed which meant he needed to get busy with antibacterial spray, handwashing the duvet in the bath and so on which somewhat delayed our leaving the house – bloody cats – will have to go 🙁

I think we were out by 11am though which is not bad for us, we found a parking space and started to meander around Worthing. I had put all the kids shoes in a carrier bag so we went into Clarks (why oh why oh why or why is the kids section upstairs with no lift? I mean what’s that about then? All it means is that they must lose business from people who simply will not go upstairs and a whole great area of their mens formal shoes is constantly blocked off from view by a veritable car park full of pushchairs). Teeny has indeed gone up a full size since the purchase of the lovely floral boots (which I never did get round to posting a pic of – sorry!) so she was down to just her doodles fitting – so we chose – at great length and with much deliberation and discussion of her current wardrobe colourings and input from both Monster and Teeny (I swear the woman thought we were mad!) a pair of beautiful deep pink boots, which I will post a pic of when she next wears them. Monster was deemed at the end of his doodles – which is fine as he has been wearing sandals most of the summer instead of them anyway and with about another month in his heavy shoes / trainer thingies so that was fine. Left there a mere £28 worse off which is actually quite frugal for a Clarks trip!

Monster then decided he was hungry so we called into Ady’s most favouritist place in the whole world ever for lunch. Its a tiny little side street sandwich bar which has been there for 15 years to my knowledge and sells huge doorstep sarnies, french sticks and so on with about 100 (no exagerration) choices to mix and match for fillings. It is run by this tiny little Thai lady who is mad as a box of frogs and sells a further 20 odd Thai meals too. Ady would die happy if his last meal was one of the jacket potatoes with Thai Chicken Curry – and we have not been there since we had Monster (four years in two weeks time) so the poor man has been long deprived! We sat outside and ate our lunch and in reverance to the importance of the occassion for Daddy both the littlies were very good!

Then a further wonder round town – I have a yearning for two items to complete my autumn / winter wardrobe currently – I was most virtuous last night and spent about an hour going through the wardrobe culling some of the garments I once wore but will never fit into again / bought in a moment of madness and still have tags attached but will never wear / items with irreparable (by me at any rate!) damage and some high summer items which will not see light of day again till next year – the result – a couple more bags for the car boot sale, a couple for the clothes bank and some stuff shoved to the back of the wardrobe and some brought forward. So in order to be at the cutting edge of fashion and bring my wardrobe up to date with just a few key accessories I need a pair of slouchy boots to wear with long skirts ( ideal colour beige although not practical so perhaps a darker brown) and a poncho! (and you all thought that quest had ended!). So there was some covert peeping in the shops for these items done by me and some even more covert peeping into electrical and camera retailers by Ady as Monster has decided he would like his own camera for his birthday. He also wants a puppy, most of the items shown on Nick Jnr and another baby sister, but what are you going to do?!

Back to the car and we drove to the big park where the carnival procession of floats always ends up and there is a fair, ice cream and candy floss type stands, tombolas in aid of local charities where you could win a cut glass ashtray for getting an even number raffle ticket and a display of small local girls showing off their dance moves or majoretters or cheer leaders with pom poms to some inappropriate Britney Spears track. But it was all very quiet… We deduced from the traffic buildup and signs that the destination had moved and found a new parking space back in the town again. Not sure whether we had missed the best part of the floats or if it has gone downhill since last we came or if I remembered it as big and bold and full of colour and music only because I was small child at the time (like when you go back to your infant school and it’s so much tinier than you remembered!) but frankly it was quite a sad little effort. Teeny fell over on the bad knee, Monster had a fit cos he wanted an ice cream, then when he got it he didn’t want it and I spent at least an hour wishing we could just go home! Under protest (mine) we walked down to the beach where we could still hear the highlight of the event which was the very grand marching band – both the kids love music and this really captured their attention, so aided with our finished water bottle and some stones from the beach (shh I know you are not supposed to take anything from the beach!) we made our own percussion instrument. This led to a chat about different types of instruments: how some are for the tune, some for the beat and so on: the stones later got emptied in the back of the car and around the house but never mind!

My parents arrived at our house very shortly after we got home while Ady and I were ‘discussing’ him going out to mow the lawn (him: well it needs doing: Me: don’t you bloody leave me alone with the kids!). Both small people asleep by 8.30pm, Monster having asked one of his typically deep questions just as I thought he was about to go to sleep ‘Mummy, when I was in your tummy, how did I get out?’, wine had been consumed, dinner is a cooking and a big bath has been run in my honour!

Tomorrow we have a new friend coming over, I had exhanged emails with her when we were on the verge of moving back down here – she lives pretty near to us and HEs a 4yo and 6yo dds – she sounds lovely and Monster who loves playing with little girls is looking forward to it lots.

a lovely shot of Monster last weekend 

more for the backdrop than the plane – a real landmark of home for me… 

parachutes (this might be the wrong way up actually!) 

Teeny and cousin M sharing a chair 

a fab act – the geese are so well trained and when the wind blew the right way you could hear him cooing and talking to them 

Teeny dancing – it all started to look a bit like a festival what with the mud and tents and portaloos! 

in the Utterly Butterly plane, which he was thrilled to see up in the air later complete with the pretty blonde ladies dancing around on it that we had seen walking round the craft tent earlier – he’s going to do it when he grows up apparantly! 

Monster in a helicopter 

Airshows, alcohol and alliteration…

In a move blatantly stolen from Merry’s blog I’m going to work through the alphabet. It improves my vocabulary, challenges the mind and since the departure of the google ads I have struggled for titles. Finally it was easy today to find three As!

Had a lovely weekend so far – and we still have tomorrow. Yesterday was Shoreham Airshow. We have watched the show over previous years from such salubrious locations as the layby, the local pub and on one memorable occassion we gatecrashed the barbecue of friends of friends of friends who lived behind the air field. There was always a bit of an urban myth (which we could never be bothered to prove wrong) that tickets to get in were hideously expensive but this year faced with trying to entertain two small people in a layby we looked at the website and bought tickets online for only £11 each (kids were free) and it was worth every penny. Chris, Julie and the twins also came along and we spent a very happy family day sat watching the planes, eating our picnics and in my case perusing the many crafty stalls in the airfield – pics to follow.

The weather was perfect, not too hot, quite overcast providing a nice greyish backdrop for the planes aerobatic displays and thankfully dry. The must have of the show were those folding chairs in their own bag that everyone from Tescos to Millets have been selling this year. Ady used his best negotiating skills to get a deal on three bigs one and a baby one for Teeny which can live in our car ready for other such chair requiring eventualities.

The show was very good, I am not really fussed either way about planes and such but I do like the noisy jets, I thought some of the stunt flying was excellent, the parachutes were really good and I enjoyed the kids reactions to everything too. Monster and I had the start of what I am sure will be an ongoing conversation about war when the spitfires and so on flew over. He left it for yesterday but i know his questions about what happened to children and grownups if bombs fell on them, why we were fighting with other countries and why we stopped fighting will be revisited. Luckily my Dad was 7yo when the war ended so he has enough clear memories of being a child during those years to share with him and my grandmother was an evacuee out of London down to Cornwall so she can also tell him a tale or two which will be better than relying on books and so on.

Last night the kids were both asleep by a record 7.30pm and our friend Jim, who has moved to Ireland but still comes over every weekend for work atm came over for dinner and a bit of a marathon drinking session! I know my limits and after the equivalent of about two bottles of wine at midnight I retired for the evening. I was getting louder and speaking more nonsense than usual and laughing at fairly unfunny stuff so off I went. At 2am Monster woke up crying, I was still alone in bed with drunken noise travelling up the stairs so he crept into bed with me, which is how we awoke at 7.30am this morning to Teeny yelling Mumm Mee into her baby monitor. Ady was in Monster’s bed snoring soundly – he got to bed at about 2.30am, so we tried to be as quiet as possible downstairs till he got up.

We went over to Chris and Julie’s for a few hours where the kids all had a whale of a time running amok in their garden and making a mess with the beans on toast Julie cooked for their lunch. Ady and Chris did some bonding and me and Julie sat and talked about adult education. I have found a good course on OU (thanks Merry 🙂 ) but am struggling with the cost atm, need to do some serious thinking about how to deal with that one and whether it will pay for itself anytime soon… or get my finger out and do some work to bring in some money to pay for it! On the way home my Mum rang my mobile to ask where we were – said we had been to C&J’s and were on our way home – so we would be going past the door, were we calling in – she asked, so we did for an hour. Quite pleasant, although still no mention of having the kids on either of the asked for occassions and no arrangements made for tomorrow yet either with them. We intend to go down into Worthing for a wander round, maybe some fish and chips and ice cream on the beach then down to watch the carnival through the town centre and into the park. I also want to get the kids feet measured as I’m sure their wintery shoes are outgrown and I don’t think the weather will hold for doodles for much longer!

I got the poncho, I got the poncho, la la la la la la la!!!

Well not got in have it in my possession but my (new best!) friend Kerry has just phoned to say she dropped by Matalan to have a look for me and found one and bought it – I’ll be getting it on Wednesday next week – in the meantime I am accepting bets as to whether Teeny actually ever deigns to wear it as she can be, how shall I say, discerning about her sartorial choices…

Another pretty good day today. The kids played with brio for ages and ages, Teeny had a good long sleep which enabled Monster to have some Mummy time and a play on his Thomas CDrom, then Elaine and J came over for a couple of hours. They are localish HEers who we met for the first time last week. The boys got on pretty well with just a couple of minor skirmishes and we are going over to their house next week. My mum then appeared for an hour or so, which could have been nice but Monster wasn’t really ‘in the mood’ for her – she is very cuddly and kissy which he sometimes is okay with but doesn’t really seek out, today he just didn’t want to be stroked by her all the time, so he sat on my lap just to prove a point! She then really pissed me off when I asked her if she could have the kids for a couple of hours at some point over the weekend so me and Ady can sort out garage out – we have stuff out there which is getting ruined in the rain (the roof leaks) but its a job which we both need to do together and not feasible with the kids around. After the chat at the weekend about how she wants to get more involved and so on I thought she would have leapt at the chance, but she pulled a few faces, sort of agreed but didn’t fix any time for doing it. I have also asked her if she can have them for a day in the next couple of weeks so I can go off to work with Ady and we can get Monster’s birthday pressies together (he travels round usually working near one of the big shopping malls – Blue Water or Lakeside etc so he can drop me off, meet me at lunchtime and then pick me up on his way home – ahh bliss, childfree shopping in a mecca for the spendaholic!) but she has sort of said okay but not actually arranged anything. I don’t know it’s not like we are always off doing stuff and dumping the kids on them at every opportunity, she is always saying how they never see them enough and so on, I would have thought she would have jumped at the chance to have a few hours with them. When we moved home she made all these promises about how she was going to be a real granny, go to a four day week at work so she could help with childcare so I could work a bit, wanted to spend time with them and get a real bond with them, wanted to play a role in the HE and so on, but unless we make the effort to go over there (they only live a mile away!) or I ring her to actually arrange something we could go a couple of weeks without seeing them….sigh, oh for parents who are helpful and supportive!

And finally the big news of the week – Ady has been tested and his snip was a success so our family ends here! Hurrah! Although spookily the day before we got the results I was looking at Merry and Nikki’s baby ticker’s, reading about June’s pregnancy brain and thinking about Barbara and Debbies new babies. Am also feeling ‘babyless’ as Teeny is starting to potty train (IMO the last step of babyhood) while Kerry and Rachel (Wednesday friends) have a three month old and a minus a month old as their second children. Have recovered from that brief moment of broodiness – bizarrely the first and only such incident in my life despite having had two babies!

A good day really, ending a pretty good week, got a £10 cheque from Camelot for last week’s lottery (but it won’t change us and we have gone for no publicity!) and doing the scary online bank balance check today revealed Ady has already been paid so no end of the month bounces on cheques or DDs either – hurrah! Air show tomorrow with Chris, Julie and the twins which should be a fab day – and the sun is due to shine too!

I have been epiphanised! Move over lazy buggers I’m coming to join you!

I bought a whole Amazon basket full of books on HE a year ago. I joined all sorts of lists, joined EO, HEAS, subscribed to Choice in Education, got email from MuddlePuddle, UK Families HE, Fluff, Madcow (in Manchester) WHEN (in Sussex), joined Activeo, recommended Free Range Education as essential reading to all newcomers, stuck my EO window sticker proudly in the car and started telling anyone who would listen (and I maintain argued my case well) for HE, despite this if I really thought about it too much although I could not really explain how it was going to work. I thought that as the children were far from official school age anyway it was something I would worry about when we got there!

I still feel like that pretty much, but in the last couple of weeks I have had a wake up call in several areas. Some of it blog and HE related but plenty of it not and most of all probably just that I was ‘ready’. Today I have picked up Free Range Education again and almost read it in one sitting, I have sat back totally from the kids (well minimal guidance in providing only one set of toys for the day instead of giving them free range of the whole playroom which results more in a mess and a level of boredom than anything constructive) and watched them learn, develop and just do their own thing. And I truly am convinced, I feel a real lightbulb moment has happened for me today. I know I will have doubts and concerns again (probably tomorrow:-)) but I can see how it will work, I can believe that its going to work and for the first time I am feeling as though this is not only something for the children but a wonderful opportunity for me. Deciding that instead of having my career on hold for four or five years while I rushed the children to nursery age then got back into my suits I am going to take at least 15 years out of the ‘traditional workplace’ – by which time it won’t exist in that incarnation anymore anyway is actually pretty liberating.

For the first time I can see just how autonomous can work, I’ve been reading various bits on how children learn, the motivation for learning and so on and I really feel quite strongly anti-school. I think that as with so many things in life we just accept stuff as ‘the way it is’ and don’t think to challenge or question it – well we do, when we are four but it gets eroded from us. I have always been a bit aware of (and at times rebelled against) social conditioning. For a long time I would go out of my way to walk under ladders and a real favourite of mine was to always open crisp packets upside down – it amazed me – and still does, how conditioned we are to look at the packet and ensure it is the right way up before we open it. I sort of grew out of this, partially because it felt a bit too contrived and deliberate (think Kitten from Big Brother) so now I just don’t look at the crisp packet before opening it and sometimes it’s the right way up and sometimes it isn’t – funnily enough at this weeks HE meeting I noticed I had opened my crisps upside down and wandered if it was a subconscious reaction to being back in ‘exceptions to society’s norm’ type company!

I can see into the future a bit, much helped by the blogs of those with older children than mine, and my own’s brief but wonderful period of playing and learning together without me today, that I am not becoming a surrended woman, who will indulge and invest all her time, attention and her all into her children only to be left an empty, left behind shell when they fly the nest. This is a unique opportunity to learn with them, to use the time at home to determine who it is I am and who I want to be; I can start a business from home, I can invest time into learning alongside them in subjects which will aid me in a future career and suddenly all those disciplines I have waxed lyrical about in terms of children’s learning happening so much better outside an institution are relevant to me too.

Anyway, I am starting to get a bit too evangelical even by my own (slightly skewed!) standards, so i will end here. Expect a return to normal service again tomorrow but today I had one of those rare glimmers of how it can and should be and I will strive to get another peep whenever I doubt what I’m doing!

Ah ha sorted!

Earlier why isn’t she learning, why isn’t he moving forward dilema remedied. Today (and you may have already noticed this!) I have spent quite a bit of time on the pc, to entertain and engage the children Monster has been playing with a huge Brio track we built this morning with bridges and whirly bits a plenty and Teeny has been playing with the box of puzzles. This resulted in a fairly big tangle of stuff on the floor which we have just turned into a game to tidy up. Now I am a bit anal about making sure all the toys go back into their boxes which then go back into the right storage boxes which then go back into the right places in the units in the playroom (this example of tidy pernickityness is not replicated anywhere else in my house or life I hasten to add!) so I made the puzzles quickly to determine whether there were any bits missing. They both joined in and currently having helped assemble a big jungle floor puzzle Monster is asking Teeny to point out animals to him and tell him what noise they make. She’s learning, he’s challenging and learning valuable life skills – hurrah!

Did have one small moment where Teeny emptied out a puzzle I had just put away and proceded to make it unaided for the first time. I only just prevented myself from uttering something along the lines of ‘will you just stop learning stuff and listen while I teach you!’.

Patch of Puddles?

No, not the recommendation for a very good HE blog (although of course it is one:-) ) but I am refering to the state of my house today.

The potty training is erm, experimental in its success and I am aware of at least four puddles so far. I fully expect to discover more by standing or sitting in them later…

Oh and Monster has just negated all his horridness yesterday and restored all my maternal protectiveness towards my baby boy by being very good all morning and then falling off the TV cabinet (hmm can’t imagine where he got the idea to climb up there from!) and putting a big gash in his side. I’m so used to Teeny being scraped and scratched and bruised I hardly even notice but Monster’s blood is still quite rarely seen so a big cuddle was in order for that one!

I am ungoogled!

In the interests of proving to myself I have not been subjecting my children to huge security and safety risks I have just been off and googled me and the kids and come up with nothing. I have tried both my names (clearly ‘Nic’ is not my whole name!) and even my email address – which i know used to turn up a posting to a forum I had once made but doesn’t even do that anymore.

Did turn up a curious connection between Teeny’s real first name which is also a famous character of film and books and our surname… which I was unaware of but other than that we seem quite commonly named and uneventful 🙂

Some Home Education Musings…

My Dad has a current obessesion with how little he thinks Teeny talks. This is in comparison to me as a baby (now I allegedly was capable of full conversations by a year old, potty trained at about 10 months old, the cleverest baby in my parents social circle! Wonder what exactly went wrong in my natural destined path to becoming Prime Minister really don’t you?) and to Monster aswell.

I think it is probably a condition of second or subsequent children that they rarely get the same level of time or attention lavished on them as the first. I am sure there are exceptions – Rachel’s new baby will be priviledged to have her all to itself while E is at school – but in the main you are busier, less enthusiastic about every little milestone and more inclined to wait for stuff to happen instead of pushing (walking etc – you *know* how much harder life gets once they are mobile so you almost discourage them from starting!!). But there are enormous benefits to the second child too – speaking only from my own experience – the second child has an additional sibling to love and pay attention to it, they already have a playmate to learn and copy in a similar size to them, they have more relaxed parents who sort of already know what they are doing and are more laid back about whether they are doing it right or not – they are less of an experiment that your first!

As they get older second children have advantages too – for me and my brother I had to do all the groundbreaking stuff such as negotiating pocket money raises, pushng for that half an hour later curfew and so on, he just merrily followed on two years behind me and was handed it on a plate! But he was also – and still is at 28 – the baby of the family.

***I think I may go off and do some reading on this topic actually, it’s quite an interesting one. I did A level Sociology, Pyschology and Political Studies. The Sociology was facinating at A level standard as it was lots of case studies, reading of research and theories and because we covered all sorts of aspects including religion, law and order, Family, Education and so on we only delved briefly into each instead of dredging through anything hard going. Infact I think I might get the OU prospectus and see what courses there are in this sort of area…***

Anyway, I digress, where I was going with this was that I think Teeny does miss out on not having any sort of real exclusive time with me. She can talk, and when asked to repeat almost any word she can do it, and I know she understands everything. But I think her adventurousness is possibly in reaction to not getting the sort of sitting on the floor learning colours, shapes and animals etc type stuff she probably should be doing at her age. Similarly Monster can get a bit held back as he would probably be on the way to reading and writing if it was just him here, but neither of the things they could be doing can be done at once. If I do shapes and stuff with Teeny, even if Monster is totally engrossed in playing with something over he comes to demonstrate just how clever he is – the poor child doesn’t get a look in. If we get a pencil out to do some letter work or something along comes Teeny grabbing for the pencil so she can go and scribble on the walls!

I actually don’t worry too much about how they will learn together in the future. I think their ages and personalities are quite complimentary to learning the same stuff at different levels, but at this stage where they both *need* me to be around doing pretty much all of it with them on a one to one I do feel they both sometimes miss out on some of the more academic stuff I would have quite liked to have started on. Maybe I will take my mum up on her offer to get more involved in HE and she can take one of them off for something while I spend some time with the other or something.

Also on HE, I got the HEAS newsletter yesterday and one of the items in it spurred me on to look up this article refered to in it. It’s quite old and probably very well known to all seasoned HEers and to be honest sort of had me thinking ‘yeah and?’ as to me certainly there is nothing ground breaking here but I do think it’s a nice easy to read introduction for someone like my dad. It’s quite funny that once you get past the obvious objections for HE : socialisation, not a trained teacher, how will you handle Maths and Science etc what you end up with is the (often unsaid, but thought nevertheless) what about the childcare aspect of schooling? More and more I am thinking that actually that is what school really is. I can see no benefits in sending my children to school other than the fact it would give me 7 hours a day, 5 days a week to do something else with my time instead.

Off out later to buy today’s paper but I think I have found a couple of subjects I want to explore deeper so the War and Peace, Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings part of my self improvement drive may just have to wait 🙂

Forgot to mention – addition to curriculum covered..

Reckon we should do all our lessons in Matalan – it’s just such a condusive environment to learning! Whilst in there today we also covered some biology and (although accidental) comedic drama:

Monster was being a little bugger dragging the pushchair about, generally bashing into stuff and winding Teeny up and I had been getting crosser and crosser with him when I eventually lost it and had a bit of a shout at him. He then said sorry and asked to hold my hand, I explained this was not feasible as I was pushing the pushchair and carrying a basket. As always looking for the educational opportunity in any given situation I asked him how many hands I have ‘two’ came the answer. So how many hands would I need to hold one of his hands, push the pushchair and hold the basket ‘three’ came the reply. Aha thought I smugly, that’s shut you up…but then the inevitable final question ‘But why don’t you have three hands Mummy’. At which point I may have raised my voice somewhat as I replied ‘cos if I had three hands I would be off making my fortune performing in the circus instead of staying at home to look after you and Teeny and wandering round Matalan in search of discount clothing lines’. Which was met, quite appreciatively I thought by loud peals of laughter from two nearby women. I bowed and acknowledged their reaction and continued with my shopping. Another lesson neither of mine was really lacking in before tbh – play to your audience!

Mid week educational round-up

Hmmm, let me see what have we covered?

Socialisation – This week we have mixed and mingled with a wide variety of children and adults. Some have been from the ‘HE Community’, some have been pre-school and some already within the clutches of the British Education System. There were a mix of ages, genders and those biologically related to us and those not.
English – This week we have all been speaking English most of the time!
Maths – whine equals wine. To show how I worked this out (which I understand is the correct way to win points in Maths!) here is the formula used – Whine = level of noise in decibels + length of time noise is made X number of children whining divided by (can’t find the sign on the keyboard!) number of children who have occupied time in my own womb (for some reason other peoples kids whining does not ‘do my head in’ as much as my own) forms a direct correlation with the volume (in glasses / bottles / boxes / buckets depending on your own preference and tolerance level) consumed once they have fallen asleep.
Physical Education – Teeny learnt to use the potty – I can only think of physical to stick this in 🙂 oh and they have both run around a lot!
Home Economics – Matalan is dead cheap! Especially when they are doing buy one get one free on toddler outfits! But still no ponchos!
Science – cause and effect – running round like a loony and shrieking after having been asked once very nicely not to, once quite firmly not to, once in a fairly stern manner not to and finally once in Mummy’s shoutiest voice accompanied by a firm arm grab can cause tears!

Pooh afternoon really – and Wednesday is normally one of my favourite days. I would love to blame Monster’s behaviour on seeing E two days running but E was actually very well behaved today. I would also like to blame Monster’s behaviour on the fact he is very tired but I always think that’s a bit of a parental cop out when I hear other’s excusing their delinquents shoplifting habit with it so and reluctant to accept it as a reason. What makes it worse is that Teeny has been very charming and cute and lovely all afternoon. It sounds strange but I’d almost rather they both played up at once, otherwise I end up feeling all bad about shouting at one all day while saying things like ‘who’s a lovely girl then, who is so pretty and clever and Mummy loves so much’ to the other. (and yes it has occurred to me that one’s behaviour is almost in reaction to the others – both ways but I’d really rather just shout indiscriminately!).

So Rachel and Kerry both came, EL is on holiday with her granny which did effect the dynamic a bit really as she and Monster normally play well together while E is the bad guy! Kerry was talking about the 3 stone she still needs to lose after the baby, Rachel was pondering how much she has put on this pregnancy and how quickly she is going to lose it and it suddenly occured to me that all these people who I always assumed were just naturally and effortlessly slim actually invest a huge amount of time weighing stuff, attending Weightwatchers meetings, being ruled by the scales and generally depriving themselves. I am not saying for one minute that I exist by having whatever I please whenever I want it, but I do enjoy my food (and alcohol) and would rather be shop in Evans than feel constantly obsessed by how I look in these jeans. This is a generalisation and I am not advocating obesity or anything like that, I have huge respect for anyone who puts the effort into losing weight and keeps it off and is genuinely happier (and healthier) as a result, but to listen to them talk today it really is something which controls their lives to the point where whether they are having a fat day or a thin day really puts the emphasis on what sort of overall day they will have. I know I blogged at the weekend about getting a slim compliment and being chuffed but it was momentary and certainly did not contribute to the sun shining or anything. I always thought this attitude to weight and dress size was a Bridget Jones exageration – now I find its only cos I’m fat that I have been exluded from these womanly conversations for so long 🙂

Anyway, Teeny is now asleep, Monster probably wont be long and a big bath and glass of wine await.
Read The Times and although feel most self satisfied for doing so have no big opinion on anything I wish to share!

At the hands of Teeny – random acts of mischief!

• unraveled toilet roll a la Andrex puppy;
• standing on top of toilet dragging assorted stuff from behind it down onto the floor – this has been achieved in the downstairs main bathroom with the air freshener, in the en suite showerroom off our bedroom with a full box of cotton wool buds and quite impressively in Rachel’s house yesterday where she was caught before she made a grab for anything;
• lipstick all down the stair carpet;
• emptying a box of tissues all around the lounge creating a grotto style snow scape;
• emptying every packet of wipes she can lay her hands on into whatever location she can find;
• turning the phone on and hiding it under the sofa so no one can ring us and we can’t ring it to find where she’s put it;
• liberating the full contents of my purse on a regular basis – I had a costco card somewhere which was never recovered;
• drawing on everything;
• clambering and climbing on every imaginable surface;
• escaping out of the house at every available opportunity;
• screaming with wild abandon at the first sign of an audience to ‘make a show of us’ infront of;
• inciting her impressionable older brother to acts of random naughtiness by cheering and clapping him to spur him on;

Now I thought I knew about children, I’ve read the books, visited the websites, watched Supernanny, hell I even had nearly four years experience with one of them of my own but then suddenly along came Teeny. Think you have a childproofed, kid friendly, safe environment? Wrong – for a modest fee Teeny the Toddler will come round and prove it to you. Stairgates I have never seen the point of – I think they can prevent kids from learning the necessary skill of climbing up and down stairs, but we did buy covers for sockets, anti slam devices for doors, cupboard locks for chemical containing areas, a cabinet to put all attractive posting options for sandwiches (video, sky machine etc) behind glass and keep all razor blades, drugs and assorted medical paraphernalia high up out of reach but how do you prevent a child who seems to be half circus act half mountain goat from getting into these scrapes?

Have just hung out three loads of washing, come back in the house and it is now lashing down with rain – grr and double grr!

Anyway to get back to today… had a dreadful night with Teeny again last night – she woke at 11.30pm just as I was about to go to bed and I sat up with her till 12.30am when I gave up and brought her into our bed. At 2.30am I totally lost it with her as she was standing up and jumping about, being noisy and about as far from a peaceful and considerate bed partner as a tyranasaurus rex. I shouted at her and she listened, then said ‘Mummmee, Mummee’ ‘yes Teeny’ said I resigned to never sleeping again ‘sorry’ she said and gave me a kiss. Bloody clever minx of a baby! At 3am I gave up and stomped downstairs to sleep on the sofa, within half an hour Ady had got her to sleep, put her back in her cot, put her back in the sleeping bag she can now get herself out of and woke me to go back to bed – bless him.

Dragged myself out of bed this morning having despatched Monster downstairs after he woke me by leaping into bed with me, putting his face in mine and saying ‘Mummy can you play with me, please Mummy can you play with me now. Mummy, Mummy now can you play with me?’. Got everyone dressed and off to Matalan on our quest for the poncho – which we had no luck in 🙁 but we did get a few bits for me and a couple of outfits for her on buy one get one free so that was worthwhile. Have got The Times which I will plough through later and post links to any worthwhile or thoughtprovoking items.