One word? When seven would do…

I am writing this in a hurried fashion as a) have had a really good day today and want to capture that before the kids wind me up over bedtime and I just do a rant on them instead and b) Teeny is really, really tired as she has not slept at all today but I want to hold her off going to bed for as long as possible as its my turn to get up with the first riser in the morning!
K and B came over to us today after we went to them last week. They were here for about three hours and we set the front room up with three of the kids toy boxes – the blocks, the pretend play (doctors kit and tea set etc) and Teeny’s toys which are cups. shape sorters etc oh and the sticklebricks. Teeny did as she did last week and largely ignored the other two while doing her latest stunt of a tower of five blocks – she could probably go higher but five is as high as her arm reaches! and calmly bashing the hell out of the blocks until they submit into whichever hole on the sorter she is attempting to fit them in! Monster and B played really well and spent a happy half horu or so taking turns to remove pushed in plasticine from the toy dyson with one of the doctors kit implements! We are planning to see them again at the Warrington HE group next week which Ady is probably coming along to as well which will be nice. Its lovely to see Monster playing so well with another child – he really enjoyed having her here. After they went we walked round to the shops to get something for dinner and saw a marble run in the toy shop window reduced from £10.99 to £6.99. I bought Monster a really cheap (£2.99) and very crappy one a few weeks back from Wilkingsons and its rubbish – the plastic is so thin that you can’t get it to stand up and the marbles keep getting stuck – this one is fab – its got about 100 pieces and its really sturdy. I made one run for it which worked really well before Teeny ploughed through the middle of it – it has since been tidied and got back out three times and Monster has built a bizzer (i think its a version of a laser / magic wand) out of some of the bits too. I am planning on building a monster marble run when the kids have gone to bed!!! he he he.
They both ate all their tea and are now playing round my feet. Really feel like we’ve spent a good day together today – infact I was feeling all smug about not having shouted or gotten impatient today until I sat down to do this and Monster started his usual combination of ‘I need a wee wee’, I need a cuddle, you play with me, come in the lounge and general whinging!!

still a bit early to juge how today is going 🙂 but Lynda will be here soon so I will be getting some work done!
Yesterday was a good day – Lynda was here in the morning so I did some work and xmas shopping (well actually clothes shopping for me and Teeny but they were festive clothes!) then in the afternoon we played sea monsters! which basically entailed Teeny being a sea monster and clambering about the place while me and Monster tried to stay on the boat (the sofa) and avoid falling into the sea (the floor!) Great fun and I think safe to tick off physical activity and imaginative play!
Am finding both children quite demanding at the moment – I know why – I am desperately trying to read through all the stuff that has arrived from EO and HEAS and the many, many books I have got from Amazon and the library but the kids just want me to play with them – we need to reach a compromise!
Today I am popping out for a few more bits of shopping then as its a really wet and horrid day I will attempt to find something fun to do in the house with them both after Lynda goes home.

Having quite a good day today so far… Saturday was great – Ady was off and we all walked down into the local town centre – Monster went in his ancient pushchair – ever since we had Teeny he has walked – probably a bit rough on a 2 and a bit year old but he got used to it and w’ve never really thought much of it- but all his little friends are still in pushchairs if they are out and about and it made the whole journey so much easier – not to mention quicker to simply have a pushchair each to push than a toddler dawdling along and asking for a carry! also meant we had twice the space for shopping but we still came back totally loaded up! Got a few bits in Tescos and also got some workbooks for Monster from Wilkingsons. We then sat on a bench and ate hot dogs then went to the library – got about 10 books on parenting stuff and another four story books – two of which are excellent and I may see what sort of price Amazon are doing them for. We then walked home, Monster and I did a bit in one of the writing work books – shapes and following wiggly and straight lines etc for which he ‘earned’ four gold stars and heaps of praise while Daddy and Teeny made mince pies. Not anything out of the ordinary for most people I guess but such a nice ‘family’ day where the four of us all enjoyed being with each other it was worthy of comment! It went a bit wrong when Ady got a phone call from work in the evening, he then spend most of the night on the phone to various people and even had to go in briefly yesterday morning but never mind. Teeny slept while he went into work and Monster and I did some ‘writing’ in the family christmas cards – he can do a recognisable version of his name if I do each letter for him to copy individually. We then did very little for the rest of yesterday! Today Teeny slept for two hours so Monster sat on the worktop while I peeled and chopped all the veg for a beef stew – he knows all about vegetables which is ironic considering he won’t eat them! They are currently playing with the stickle bricks – well Teeny is probably eating them actually but the idea is there! Teeny had an acident this morning in our bedroom. We have an umbrella stand that a friend made for us years ago out of iron. It has got a couple of old fashioned walking sticks with animal heads in it and Monster started playing with them. She then tried to pull one out and as I was looking at her trying to judge if I’d be able to get to her before she pulled it down on top of herself she did just that and I got my answer – I couldn’t!! She cried straight away although she was fairly easily consoled, I put arnica on the lump on her head and she played happily for an hour or so before she wanted her nap. She slept for two hours and I have just brought her down to find its developing into a lovely purple bruise – poor baby!
Today Monster is being Mike which means I am Sully and Teeny is Boo – I think that is about as creative as the rest of the day is going to get. Working tomorrow and Wednesday but aiming to get out with the kids on Thursday somewhere sociable!!

today started low, got worse but has ended pretty much okay. Ady has had a really crap day at work, for a while it looked like he was going to have to work this weekend but luckily he is still off – hurrah! So i have been getting regular updates on his day which probably did not contribute positively to my feelings! I read Joyce’s blog today – am off to read some others in a mo and it made me cry! Her daughter sounds so much like Davies at that age – she also sent her daughter to nursery and she never settled but the happy ending is that she is now a happy and confident child – really the same story so many parents have told me who are a few years ahead of us, that a child who is clingy at three can be a very confident six or seven year old. So I am drawing a line under what has happened, what i might or might not have done, what could have been and am focusing on what is happening now and what will happen in the future! Lynda was in today looking after the kids while I got some work done – which mainly consisted of posting on MP, Fluff, the UKPP newsgroup and sending some emails to friends but I also achieved two business plans so that was good too! Went to Tescos for a bit of retail therapy and have really, really finished all Monster’s christmas shopping now – still want a couple of bits for Teeny and some more things for her birthday – including a bear factory bear but need to drag Ady in there to record the voice box thingy so should get that sorted next week. Supposed to have been filmed today for work but it did not happen as the boss is off sick – hurrah any delay in the inevitable is alright by me!
After Lynda went we went to the park to meet Kate and Joe – Joe is 17 months old and last time we met up he had both my two in tears – today was a different story – mutual territory in the park, him and Monster spent a happy half hour chasing each other round the playground and we left the park hurriedly in the dark worried about flasher and perverts (me) and baddies (Monster!). Teeny is now fast asleep and Monster is having a bedtime story from Ady- the kids have spent the day dressed the same, both in little Pudsey T shirts, dark jeans and red socks and have dragged little cuddly Pudsey bears with them everywhere – got a quick photo of them – they look really cute. So a good day generally at the end of it!

so today i am feeling a bit sad. i have started reading the montessori book and it is making me feel bad about sending Monster to nursery for nine months last year. i knew it was doing neither of us any good but everyone kept reassuring me that he would get used to it. i now feel that actually it has done him a degree of damage and that is another reason why HE appeals – i have no wish to go down that route again and with Dad and to a degree Ady telling me that he would get used to school makes me all the more adamant that a – he won’t and b – why the hell should he. i have no desire to break his spirit and force him to get used to something just cos its the accepted way – lets face it there is a very real alternative, one i know about and am confident i can succeed in – why the hell should i put either of us through something like that again – i have no further need to experiment with my childs happiness and emotional wellbeing.
also feeling that i have let Monster down a bit by always being so protective – he seems to lack the skills to stand up for himself and does not understand some of the basic life skills – this is seeming to be in direct opposition to the above paragraph – i think what i mean to say is he does need to learn to socialise with other children and have the tantrums i have worked so hard to avoid, he does need to learn that the rest of the world behaves differently to mummy, daddy and teeny but he needs to learn it in a safe and secure environment. the answer is very clear to me that we need to start building a social life for all of us in which he meets and makes friends (or enemies!) with other children. this will negate some of the argument about needing school but will also furnish him with the life skills he requires!

have finally done a very early draft of our ed phil – which if it works will be copy and pasted below!!
Educational Philosophy

Written when Davies is three and Scarlett is one. This is an overview of our aims and goals in planning to HE the children. Because the way I aim to do this is intrinsically bound up with the reasons for it I need to include some background on how we got to where we are today which leads to the reasons for us deciding not to send them to school.

HE was a concept I was totally unfamiliar with prior to having children – I do recall children back when I was at school who were not sent to school but ‘hot housed’ generally by a parent and generally focusing on one specific area of study – music and maths being the two I distinctly remember. The notion of simply not sending children to school and educating them at home was an odd one for me to comprehend, until that is I found myself the mother of a child who I feel would be so wrong for the school system and environment that I have looked further into the idea of HE and found it to be more prevailant that I would ever have imagined, more simple to facilitate than I would have dreamed of and something that is such a real possibility I am now taking pride in telling people that this is what we aim to do.

Davies was a clingy baby who grew into a clingy toddler. In retrospect there is probably all sorts of reasons for this but I have no wish for introspection and see no benefit to it anyway. Suffice to say that for the period between his first birthday and 18 months old the clinginess grew to an extent that I felt I needed to take some action. This co-incided with me falling pregnant and me being offered a part time job. It all fell in to place for me that I needed the time away and wanted to take the job for me, I needed to ‘break the bond’ a little or at least loosen it to make room for the new baby, and I felt that at 18 months old the time was right for him to learn new skills and meet other people. I researched all the options and found a nice day nursery for him for two days a week. To this day I cannot fault the nursery in any way but he hated it there. For nine months I dropped him off two mornings a week and left to the sound of him crying. Within half an hour I would ring and be told he was settled but he ran to me every afternoon when I collected him and often if I rang again during the day I would be told that he was unhappy and wanted mummy. He rarely ate anything while he was there and was withdrawn and very insecure for the rest of the time – if he lost sight of me at a toddler group for example he would be inconsolable for ages. The option of leaving him with anyone was impossible – so much so that we planned a home birth for our second child as the thought of leaving Davies to go to hospital caused me great distress knowing that he would be in a state and would probably resent the baby.

So once Scarlett was born I took him out of the nursery and they are both looked after three mornings a week by a middle aged lady who has children of her own and is about the same age as their granny in our own home. Since day one there has never been an issue with me leaving to go to work and he loves the nanny very much – which proved to me that it was less about me leaving him and more about him being left if that makes sense – he is happy in his own surroundings with his own toys etc. Still the issue of him mixing with others needs to be dealt with.

Davies is a bright, articulate child who loves to learn. His speech, thought process, ability to imagine, articulate himself and his feelings and emotions are excellent. In surroundings he is comfortable in he will happily chat away to strangers although he is more at ease with adults than other children. I feel that he shows promise and potential of academic success if he is continued to be nurtured, taught in a way he enjoys and feels that he is having fun. The mantra here is learning is fun and knowledge is power. So far he believes!!

I feel that school will struggle to provide the above for Davies. I fear that he will simply withdraw into himself, become quiet and lack confidence and may well be a target for bullies. So far Davies is adamant that he does not want to go to school.

I have confidence in my own ability to provide the above for Davies and latterly Scarlett too. There is no end of resources available to assist me in doing this from books, websites, support groups both real and virtual, meetings, other social outlets with an emphasis on fun first and learning second where he can interact and make friends with the pressure removed.

I see the way forward as geared towards development of the children as individuals and as a whole person rather than compartmentalising each aspect into stuff to learn at school and stuff to learn at home and stuff to learn elsewhere. I think that Davies will benefit from a fairly structured approach – he enjoys games and challenges and I imagine that as he learns to read and write he will enjoy workbooks and similar. I will feel more confident, certainly in the early years if I can demonstrate very clearly what we have learnt and achieved. I aim to celebrate my children for the people that they are and help them grow and develop into happy, self confident adults with all the necessary skills and knowledge they need in order to achieve what they want out of life. For Davies I think that he may well choose to take exams etc, for Scarlett it is too early to say at this stage. I see our day being structured into a couple of hours clear ‘working’ with maybe one subject covered per day be it Science, Maths, Art, Reading, Writing, History, Geography, Religious Understanding, a language etc then the remainder of our day being spent in our usual manner – playing, going out for walks or to the shops, meeting up with friends or attending groups and clubs. In the same way as we try to find some education in everything we do this will continue. I fully expect this approach to change in response to the childrens’ needs as they grow.

If at any stage in the future either of the children wants to go to school then to school they will go! For now this is about not forcing a child to do something that they clearly do not want to do and I feel opposed to as well. In some aspects of parenting I expect the children to adhere to my rules and they are generally for their own good or for the good of the family as a whole. They are generally things about which there are no viable option – I feel that there is a very viable and real alternative to school and that is the avenue we aim to pursue for now.

yay it did!! guess it just needs some honing now to make it more concise and less of a stream of consciousness ramble!

Very good week so far – Mum and Dad came for the weekend – some pretty heavy discussions on the topic of HE. We first talked about it a few months back when we went down to stay with them and it was still a germ of an idea – I said that it was something I had found out about and was gathering information on with a view to considering – so very much non commital!! Since then of course I have found out loads more and have really got into the idea -so much so that unless something very dramatic happens I have no intention of sending Monster to school at aged five. Mum came up to stay a few weeks ago and I told her that we had pretty much decided this – she asked all the usual questions about socialisation etc and listened to everything I said – she has since mentioned it a couple of times of the phone but has always been clear to state ‘I agree with what you are doing and I support you 100%’ but then she does like the dramatic statements my Mum. She does keep chucking questions at me and saying things like ‘well you will have to do some socialising with Monster otherwise you will have problems with him’ so it is apparant that she is not as behind the idea as she would like to think! Anyway up they came and they have obviously talked about it at home as she was desperate to bring the topic up and have my Dad air his views. Which are in a nutshell that the kids should go to school, it will harm them by not letting them have contact with others, they will be over protected and over mummied, he went to school at 4 with kids aged 4 to 14 and it never did him any harm etc etc etc!’ so we had the long discussion about why we want to do this, why we feel it is best for OUR children, rubbished the ‘is it legal’ questions (although he remained unconvinced despite seeing it in print and his final word on the matter was ‘well why are parents getting jailed for their kids playing truant then?’) talked at great length about how i will ensure they are ‘socialised’ although the argument about that is not really one i agree with anyway. My mum was at her worst – she veered between agreeing with me and then agreeing with Dad, basically putting herself on the side of the person with the last best point – at one point i accused her of not actually having an opinion and asked her point blank ‘do you think Monster should go to school – yes or no?’ she really struggled but ended up saying ‘not at the moment’ and then proceeded to drag Ady into it. He was good and said that ‘it is not something Nic has decided on a whim, she is doing it with the kids best interests at heart, she has looked into it and i agree with her reasons, however if something happened to her and i was alone then the kids would go to school.’ My Dad seconded this and said that if something happened to both of us and they looked after the kids then they would go to school – so bascially i better survive to ensure what i think is best for the kids happens!!!
I asked Dad to read some of the books or leaflets that i have got and said i felt he was arguing from a position of ignorance and i would value his opinion more if he was prepared to be more educated about it but he declined and we agreed to disagree. Having spoken to a couple of people on Muddle Puddle and Fluff I feel that I am no different to anyone else who embarks on HE in that no one seems to get instant support and understanding and at least Dad can see that i am doing what i believe to be best for Monster – and to be honest I am confident that in ten years from now any doubts will be blown away by looking at the happy, confident and succesful teenager i hope to be a mother to!

Took the kids out for lunch before Mum and Dad went home and Monster was child to be proud of in the restaurant – Teeny had a bit of a fit about being in the highchair but once she started eating my spaghetti carbonara she soon cheered up!!

The rest of the week I have worked and Lynda has been in – we did the christmas shopping on Tuesday – lovely to be just me and Ady without kids for a few hours even if we were just shopping for and talking about them! Monster has been doing a fair bit of arty stuff this week and some hama beading too!

Today was great -we went to K’s house (someone I met from Muddle Puddle) and spent a few happy hours with her and her daughter R. R is 5 months younger than Monster but is a really bright little girl and I would say an ideal match for him peer wise. They played nicely together and despite a few tantrums (new for him really, thought i had got away without them – wrong!) and an initial refusing to go in their house he was good, Teeny just sat and mashed up sandwiches and mince pies but seemed happy! So nice to meet someone in the flesh with a child of similar age intending to do the same as us. K is really nice and we have arranged for them to come to us next time. Looking forward to it!

Saturday morning and all is calm for now! Kids are sat infront of the Fimbles eating their lunch – the request was for letters (alphabites) so they both have those and some fishfingers – well it means i don’t have to cook again later!! Mum and Dad are due to arrive in the next hour or so which will be great – have not seen Dad since September although Mum came up for a long weekend about three weeks ago. Looking forward to having some long chats about where our life is going to take us over the next few months – all a bit shaky at the moment – this will make more sense in a month or so but basically we don’t know where we will be living or what we will be doing in six months time – thank god we have already made the decision to HE otherwise worrying about finding a school for Monster would be high on the agenda and would also come into the equation if and when we finally buy another house.
Have been fairly lax about doing anything organised this week – Monster has been alternatively being either Buzz (Lightyear) or Rudolph (the red nosed reindeer) so he has not taken much entertaining other than the occassional agreement for me to be Woody or Mummy Reindeer. Teeny is just exploring everything at the moment – her vocalising seems to increase each day and some very real sounding words are emerging now. Next week I aim to take up all the nice people who offered to talk about their religions and get round to sorting a full list of questions to get us started. I also want to make a scrap book type thing for Monster – partially to start organising what we are doing and building a record of stuff but also as a tidying idea too! We also need to spend some time making a birthday card for Teeny to send to Cbeebies – think I need to practise my skills at drawing Fimbles and Teletubbies – so far I am only good at Brum or Bob!!

Today I worked so Lynda was round to play with the kids. I overheard them talking about which was the odd one out – Lynda was showing Monster groups of blocks where one was a different shape, size or colour and he was picking out the odd one – very impressive and also very reminiscent of one of the bits on Sesame Street where there would be four kids – three leaping around like lunatics and one reading a book or something similar with a catchy little tune about ‘one of these kids is doing his own thing!’. Later they went for a walk around the block and this afternoon Monster carried on playing with the blocks and Teeny clambered around the place and climbed upstairs about three million times. I tried to do some crayoning with her but she just ate them! Monster hijacked the game and did a fairly good replication of writing his name copying my letters. He also drew an excellent circle, great straight lines and crosses and recognisable impressions of squares, triangles and rectangles! He has been ‘Buzz’ today – worn the Buzz outfit everywhere – including their walk! and we have all had to address him as Buzz and be other Toy Story characters – Teeny is Jessie, and Lynda was Zurg – I think I was Rex in the end!! Still it beats the Rudolph obsession – he certainly has no issues with imaginative play!! A new precocious child story from bedtime last night – read him Mr Snow and used the usual line about needing a wee to escape the room. He was having none of it so I elaborated with ‘Mummy really, really needs a wee wee Darling. I need a wee or I will go pop’ He stroked my cheek, looked deep into my eyes and said ‘You are a drama queen Mummy!’

So here we are, the intention to start HEing Monster and Teeny was made about two months ago and I have spent the interim period signing up to countless yahoo groups, asking loads of people about their ideas, opinions etc, spending a fortune on Amazon on all sorts of HE books and generally veering between wonder at what the hell we are thinking about and relief that the dread of Monster starting school in a year or so has now been removed. Oh the joy of saying ‘Okay then you can’ to him when he says ‘ me not want to go to school Mummy, me just stay here with you!’. So our first *real* project is to learn a little about religion – something which interests me anyway and will be a great ongoing project for the future, one to test exactly how we are going to go about this whole HE business and so on… have made a fair few contacts on the Muddle Puddle, EO and Fluff groups who are happy to answer our questions (once we know what they are!) about muslims, jehovahs witnesses and various other religions, some great recommendations for sites to check out, some further reading and of course the possibility of some sort of hama bead related products!!!