Not sure whether I’m writing to anyone other than future me, but as present and past me has enjoyed reading back on old blog posts over the years I am assuming that future me might well do so aswell.
Social media and real life conversations seem to mean I am no longer keeping all my ‘we might do this’ and ‘here is what I’m thinking about that’ type stuff in one place any more like I used to. But I use then all in slightly different ways and so there is an editedness to each of those versions. I’m going to do that here too, to an extent because a lot of my head is filled with political thoughts and philosophical ponderings and activist leanings, none of which are really for anyone other than me and so this is not the place to share them really. But I’m noting that they are there and future me will know what I’m on about!
So, April. That was busy then!
I blogged the Maisie visit already, that went really well. We had The Barts here, another lovely visit with the teens falling into their usual groove and the adults pretending to be teens! As usual Kirsty did a fine job of tarring my wings and giving me stuff to think about. Some of which I have even done (improving etsy listings).
Then Mum & Dad. It was a pretty good visit all things considered. I worry about them. I worry about them coming here- it’s a huge journey. I worry about whether each visit might be their last here. I worry about not being around them and how only seeing them 2 or 3 times a year throws into such sharp relief how they are ageing. Mum is not in a good place at all. As suspected retirement very much is not suiting her. She is probably the ‘busiest’ person I know and so to have lost the directed busyness of a full time job has put her already rather fragile mental health into a worse place. As always I veer between impatient and frustrated with her, which I don’t always hide very well, and worried and caring, which I probably hide better than I should. Sigh. I gave her lots of the sort of constructive advice I would like to be given by someone who cares about me if I were struggling but I know without being around more to support her into some of the things I think she should do, she will founder. Dad is not remotely supportive and infact is often obstructive. Dad is fine, older, more mellow in some ways, more grumpy and intolerant in others. It’s odd to reflect six years in on how far our lives have diverged from theirs living so far apart. I guess it could have been predicted, it has been obvious if I thought about it but it remains a very sad fact of the life we have chosen that we have effectively emigrated to a life so different from that of our families and friends. A relationship of 43 years – my whole life, with my Dad means we are no less close once we are together again but I am ever aware that time with him is finite and if I think about it for any length of time – even typing this – my eyes well up and I know that I am already regretting having spent so much time apart from him knowing one day he won’t be around any more. This has always been and always will be the hardest bit for me of our move here.
Time off Rum – we visited our local friends, for the daughter J’s birthday. It was as all visits there are, nice enough interspersed with large chunks of irritating, annoying or just plain boring. Maybe I’m just a crap friend! Davies and Scarlett felt much the same though, largely enjoyed it but with lots of bitching and OH MY GOD do you remember when they did / said / came out with X once we all got back in the car to drive away again!
A couple of nights in Fort William – Scarlett’s penultimate orthodentist trip – hurrah! She’s got the date at the end of June to have the lot removed and a retainer fitted. She has done so well with it, I am so very, very proud of her and her attitude to the whole thing. I really hope she feels the end result is worth it. I certainly think it is.
The Ireland trip for Scarlett and I which was just fabulous. Marred only by not having Ady and Davies with us I think. We both missed them both a lot and it felt very odd indeed to be doing some of the cool things without them. It was lovely from my point of view to have time just with Scarlett and build some ‘me and her’ memories but it is not our dynamic and took nothing away from how much we love each other to acknowledge missing the other half of our unit. I’ve blogged about Ireland over on the WW Blog so don’t need to talk more. I really want to go back.
Davies and I had some pretty interesting / serious / full on chats, mostly while we were away, as interestingly such talks always seem easier without the Rum bubble around us. Or maybe it’s without usual distractions, or perhaps its like the old car – ed phenomena of old where a change of scenery or no direct eye contact or a drifting mind allows for a different take on stuff. Anyway… we talked about what he might want to do next, careers advice, general life direction type stuff and about leaving / staying / coming back to Rum. Growing up and independence. All of that sort of thing. Mostly about trying to identify what it might be he wanted to do long term and then finding ways which worked towards it in the short term but were enjoyable and interesting for their own sake too, about finding opportunities and about absolutely not feeling under pressure from anyone to do anything / think any way / feel anything. He digested that for a few weeks and then came back to me and we’ve looked at driving theory tests online, done loads of psychometric tests and careers quizzes, also looked at things like political compass tests and talked about lots of debate type issues. The end result of that has been Davies signing up to study with the OU. He starts an access course in October for just 9 hours a week which could lead him to the current degree he is most interested in which is Psychology with Counselling. He’s chatted to the advisor on the phone and with my help compiled an email reply to her. He’s now waiting for the final bit of the enrolment process but basically that is him on the road to where at this stage he thinks he would like to be. If we do spent September off island then I would like him to do an intensive driving course and try and get his licence as that would then mean he could use the little car we have and suddenly his world will explode with possibility. Fucking terrifying for me and Ady obviously, but massively exciting at the same time. I likely have lots more to say about all that but there is the introduction to it at least.
Meanwhile on Rum…. we’re in that lovely bit of Rum life where there are tourists about and people spending money in the shop and animals are breeding and crops are growing. We’re about to take over the tenancy of additional croft land which will almost double what we have and give us an area of woodland too. At the moment we are very much feeling that going off for the winter is right but that we will likely come back in the spring with an improved business plan to try and make Rum more financially viable for us and ways to improve living standards for ourselves. We’re still very open to the idea of something more interesting or better appearing and persuading us otherwise and Rum itself community wise is getting worse rather than better, but it seems that the rest of the world is no less mad, angry or suffering from the wrong people leading things in the wrong direction. Might as well be putting up with that somewhere beautiful with lots of freedom?!
I’m waiting to hear from Jill in Glastonbury whether she has further plans for us for both the house sit in September and the possible work over winter. If September doesn’t happen that is no bad thing, we actually quite like September here anyway. If there is not a place for us over winter there then we need to start planning what we’ll do instead though.