One word? When seven would do…

Woke up respectably late this morning having ensured I got my full 7 hours. This meant it was 11 am! 😳

Ady, who I must point out probably also had 7 hours sleep, just a different 7 hours so while I was busy doing late night and very, very early morning hostessing I passed the baton for him for later early morning hosting ;). He made a lovely cooked breakfast (I don’t really like the word brunch although I guess as it was about midday when we ate it probably should count as brunch) for ADULTS only – we had to fight the kids off and eventually they got the leftovers anyway ;).

I dedicated myself to finally sewing up the squares, or rather mostly not-squares, of knitting I’ve been doing for about a year. It was not as much of a job as I’d had been dreading and I just about finished it before they all left but it did mean the lounge floor was strewn with knitting pretty mucn all day. It now looks fabulous though, I am even more pleased with it than I thought I would be and although I still have plenty of wool left to carry on and make it as big as I’d like it to be (it’s about long enough but I’d like it wider) it is now a blanket and I can take it camping next week and have achieved my goal of a camping blanket right at the death of the years camping season :).

The others either played, did some squabbling (third late night in a row had the children flagging a bit by the end but they actually all did very well indeed and had a great time together – I think The Barts are the family who’s kids Davies and Scarlett most look forward to seeing and get on consistently well with. It always seems very easy and we rarely, if ever, have to intervene with any of their time together), watched some more music TV (Lady? Not Lady) and enjoyed spending ages superimposing all of our heads on crazy dancers on a jibjab website which had us all in stitches 😆

The kids had tea and then our guests gathered everything, well nearly everything ;), up and headed off. Ady had already done most of the tidying up so he had a bath while I read the end of to Davies and Scarlett. Scarlett has decided she might quite like to start reading after all so her and I decoded the title of Six Dinner Sid as she knew it said that and knew all the names of the letters but not what sounds they made. I suspect when she gets it she’ll get it quickly.

Davies and Scarlett went to bed, but not to sleep – despite them clearly being tired sleep was elusive. Scarlett decided she was cold – I suspect because she has her eye on my blanket, which she is not having so she made do with multi-layering two of my fleeces and Ady’s jumper. She finally fell asleep while we were eating dinner and I think Davies is now asleep too.

Tomorrow Ady’s working but hopefully not all day and the kids and I may go and visit my parents but I suspect none of us will be up particularly early. 😉

And off to work again for me. I left only Ady up and was starting to feel the effects of a second morning after the night before at work ;).

It was a fairly low key morning thankfully – I did a Back to School display by putting up some black paper and writing on it with chalk (I know, chalk, me, see how I face my demons!) and artfully arranging school related books (I included Spot Starts School, First Term at Malory Towers and I am absolutely too small for school along with everything inbetween I could find). I spent teabreak discussing camping trips and then an hour on the enquiry desk properly In Charge of the library as the senior nipped over to Shoreham to collect something. I was a fairly rubbish in charge person mind you as I just let all the staff go on the internet 😆

I spent the last hour writing a letter to all the reading groups based at the library about the new Reading Groups Charter and trying to organise how we run the groups a bit better. All very productive :).

Back home I had a quick cup of tea and got changed into Nic again and then we all piled into cars and headed to the beach via Asda for supplies (sausages, rolls, marshmallows and readymixed Pimms in tins). The kids did rock clambering and various degrees of entering the sea (both of my two changed into swimsuits and went right in – Scarlett got dressed and then later got changed back into swimsuit and went in again, mad girl!). Ady did barbecueing of sausages on our little portable barbecue which we then all gathered round afterwards and melted marshmallows on.

It was fairly windy and not incredibly warm but nice food, lovely company, impressive kite surfers to watch and happy children so a good couple of hours :). The only slight blot was a dog that seemed to be completely ignored by it’s owners, wherever they were and hung around us in what I found a very menacing way although was probably just after our sausages. It made me very nervous 🙁

We left at about 4ish and Scarlett got stroppy about wanting an icecream so we called back in to Asda to buy a packet which appeased her. Back home again the kids played, Kirsty and I did knitting and we all drank lots of tea. The men and kids wanted to watch Total Wipeout (I have my own name for it which keeps the Total bit…) so Kirsty had a shower and I had a bath to avoid that ;).

There was a brief hiatus which we all searched for a missing chicken which we had to admit defeat over. Sadly the chicken was found this morning – one of the cockerel chicks. It had managed to get itself stuck behind a box,upside down and had died 🙁 Feel a bit bad for not having found it last night although I suspect it may still have been too late even by the time we’d realised it was missing. We were agonising over what to do with the extra cockerel anyway but it is still a horrid way to die :(.

Ady cooked pizza and we had a very funny evening watching virtual music videos on youtube. Our runaway favourite was the Total Eclipse of the Heart one which is a mental video anyway but quite hytserical with the new voiceover 😆

Ady and James went to bed and in honour of it being their last night with us and me not having to get up for work in the morning Kirsty and I stayed up til late o’clock chatting :).

I went to work!

Ady was up and away super early with the intention of being home very early. That didn’t quite happen as he ended up sitting in his car for about 4 hours on a completely stationary M25. He did come home with an amusing tale of some people who tried to get everyone out of their cars and dancing to ‘I’m every woman’ though. I don’t think they had many takers – I’d have joined in ;).

I fed the four children cereal, had a very nice chat with Marcus about the contents of his suitcase, told them all to try and be quiet and headed off to work.

I had a good day at work, really like the new computer system :). I did Baby Rhyme Time which was very small and intimate although I boosted the numbers by persuading Lucy and The Rs to stay when they happened to call in just before it started 😆 My least favourite task at work is shelving – putting returned books back on the shelves in the right place, I just find it rather tedious. Our rota is split into hour long slots so an hour of shelving, particularly if there isn’t actually all that much to do is plain boring to me – like filing really. So I was very happy when the hour I was supposed to be shelving didn’t happen as there was none to do so I got to do some copy typing instead on the basis that noone else is as quick at typing or happy using the computers as me :).

I got home at 5pm, fully expecting Ady to have been home for hours but he actually arrived about 15 minutes after me so thanks hugely to Kirsty and James for their all day long supervisioning :). As far as I’m aware kids did lots of playing, inside and out and enjoyed each others company :).

Another very nice evening with food cooked by me and further name-that-tune-isms moving onto the tv music channels in search of Lady Gaga who I remaine unconvinced does actually have a real title at all.

We had our new friends rescheduled visiting today from Monday.

I’d slept in a funny position so have a stiff neck/back/shoulder although it has eased through the day but it got me up earlier than normal as it was painful lying in bed. So I had a burst of efficiency first thing and replied to lots of emails and sent out details about the Butser trip, washed up and did some random tidying up.

I realised we had very little in the way of lunchtime offerings so we nipped out to the newly opened Asda in Lancing (we did have a Coop and a Somerfield but Coop bought out Somerfield so have revamped the Somerfield store and moved into that and their old unit is now a mini Asda. I’m not a huge fan of loads of supermarkets but given they were already both supermarkets anyway it’s nice to have two decent ones so close – we now have a Sainsburys, Asda and Coop all within about 2 miles of our house.) We picked up bread, crisps, some biscuits and fruit for lunch and the kids noticed Madagascar 2 on dvd for £7 and decided to go halves on buying it with their money (Scarlett had £13 from the week Davies was away, in theory to spend in Winchester and at Marwell but she saved it and has so far spent £3 on a Michael Jackson cd and £2 on a soft toy for Davies, today she spent another £3.50 on her half of the dvd and £1 on buying a kinderegg each for her and Davies. Davies had £8 left over from the £20 pocket money he had at camp and has spent £2 on a bead necklace and now £3.50 on his half of the dvd. It’s good to record it here as I’m losing track! So Tarly has £3.50 left and Davies has £2.50). I bought Davies a comb as he has suddenly started combing his rather long hair in a sort of hippy The Fonz style 😆 Scarlett said she wanted a comb too but I explained the chances of getting a comb through her hair were virtually nil so she settled on a little fold up brush instead.

On the way home we talked about some ‘house rules’ for the visit which included ‘no harm to animals or plants’ when out in the garden (our many plants can get a bit of a battering when kids come over to play, particularly tomatoes and strawberries which get picked to use in games and I’m always worried about other children and the chickens) and shutting all bedroom doors as Candle is on a pooing wherever she can mission in protest of having people over. We also talked about how to ‘enforce the rules and why I couldn’t just tell the boys when they arrived as that would imply to them and their mum that I expected them to need telling not to trash our home and garden and that could cause offence.

Davies suggested playing outside straight away so that when they arrived they would already be outside which seemed like a good plan so I left them out the front and went through to put the shopping away and hang some washing out. E rang me to say she was lost as she was where she thought she should be but the house had a big white VW bus so it couldn’t be our house. I said it was indeed our house and our bus and went out to meet them! 😆 Definitely need that artwork on it so everyone knows it!

They arrived about 1130 and stayed til 430 but actually the time flew. M, the oldest gets on very well with Davies and Scarlett and the three of them played really well together, indoors and outside, both at the front and in short bursts with the chickens. They would have happily stayed with the chickens the whole time and built a ‘chicken playground’ which the chickens tolerated with good grace but I kept it to half an hour or so at a time and then a break so they didn’t get too stressed by the invasion of kids. T, the younger one, who is actually a lot younger than I’d realised and doesn’t turn 6 until shortly before Scarlett turns 7 so there is nearly a whole year between them, is very hard work. E certainly doesn’t deal with him in the same way I would but she seems to have a very effective method of managing to not get herself stressed, which is, I suspect very healthy given I don’t think T’s issues are naughtiness as such. They are clearly behavioural problems but I suspect are more deep rooted than just a lack of discipline, especially as his older brother seems so nice and clearly has the same parenting. So despite some demonstrations of fairly atrocious behaviour I found myself warming to him and wanting to help him see the world around him more positively rather than simply wanting to put him over my knee or shriek at him!

E and I had some very interesting chats and I recommended a couple of books to her that I’ve come across through work which are ‘situational’ books designed to help angry or otherwise special needs kids cope with stuff by way of giving them a story that they can identify with the characters in. We also talked about self esteem in kids, how I’ve often totally over analysed every little personality quirk in Davies and Scarlett from being supersensitive to them having been around them 24 hours a day and come to accept that as humans we are all flawed anyway and I can’t manage every little oddity out of them anyway simply by parenting alone.

It was a nice couple of hours anyway, I enjoy E’s company, Davies and Scarlett like spending time with M and I hope we can all overlook the trials of being with T and maintain a friendship.

They all left, I cooked tea for Davies and Scarlett and then Ady arrived home. Our food shopping order arrived so I spent time putting that away and then prepared the play room for guests, clearing away a load of stuff including the tent which needed putting all back in it’s bag after being aired on the washing line, a pile of clean washing, various toys and paperwork and more. It needs a good clear out in there again but I’m not feeling motivated to do it just now – more of a winter task I think.

Scarlett did some clearing up in her room and then Scarlett and I both helped Davies clear loads of stuff from his bedroom including about 6 cardboard boxes. He is such a womble! Scarlett settled into Davies’ room for a sleepover, Ady and I had baths and I put a curry on for later and set the rice cooker up. Ady made some bombay potatoes and we settled in to wait for Kirsty and James to arrive. They hit some traffic but were with us before 11pm. Scarlett was already asleep, but Davies came down to say hello to Marcus and Alex who were sleeping in Scarlett’s room for the first night. He went back up to bed and we had a lovely curry and enjoyable evening playing ‘name that tune’ with music from the laptop :).

No proper childcare arrangements this morning so Ady took the children with him on store visits til 1130 and then dropped them at the library for the last hour and a half. Fortunately I have plenty of stored employee goodwill and they were well behaved and it was really busy with children in there generally so they just blended in.

It was a mad busy morning too – we had new computer systems fitted on Monday so today was my first experience of them. I was fine, actually a lot easier than before with loads of good new features and twiddly bits so it’s more a case of getting used to what they can do. I spent the first 90 minutes on the counter, then had tea break and then another hour on the enquiry desk. By then Davies and Scarlett had arrived and were hanging out in the junior library and also did their next Questseekers visit each. Scarlett has finished and got certificate and medal and so on. She also got a free dvd voucher but handed that back as ‘my Mummy gets free dvds anyway, thankyou 🙂 ‘. Davies still has one visit to go. The collected big piles of new books and in Scarlett’s case a big of big book as she chose the classroom size edition of Six Dinner Sid, which as I said to her at the time we probably all know well enough now to not even need the book let alone the HUGE one ‘altogether now, Sid lives at number one Aristotle Street. He also lived at number two, three, four, five and six’. The big book is enough of a nusiance at the library, here at home it’s dwarfing the sofa!

We called home so I could get changed and make the kids a speedy sandwich each and then went back out again to the park to meet Lucy and The Rs. Had a nice couple of hours chatting to Lucy while the kids played :).

Back at home Davies and Scarlett played in the garden. I got the washing in before the threatened rain started and collected eggs – another 2 today, steadily climbing again, hurrah! :). The kids came in and looked at books together while listening to Michael Jackson cds that I’d brought home from work. They had tea and Scarlett painted glue on my arm and then peeled it off when it had dried (oh the larks we get up to here!), then I read a fair chunk of which we’ve been enjoying.

Ady came home, the kids went to bed, I’ve spent ages pondering mobile phones, netbooks, internet and digital tv suppliers and more. And now, as Joyce has failed to deliver and Ady is watching something truly dire on telly that I really can’t bear to be in the room with any longer, I’m off to bed!

See I can do educatin’ too!

Seems to be a child in my bed most morning when I wake at the moment. I’m sure they have some sort of ‘says she misses us when she’s not with us ehh?’ type conspiracy going on to try and break me from extremes of ‘don’t ever leave Mummy for a whole week ever again’ hysteria and ‘For crying out loud can I just have five minutes to myself!’ to a middle ground of normalness. They shall not win though. Tomorrow I’m going to teach them about possessive parentalness. (you may wish to read Joyce’s blog first for a while, she’s tending to beat me to it daily and I’m struggling not to reference her!)

So this morning it was Tarly anyway.

I had a bizarre dream which I can’t quite recapture now but was very vivid at the time, came downstairs, sorted breakfast for Davies as Tarly had already eaten, sorted out the chickens (3 eggs today, woohoo!) and packed a picnic.

We were meeting Mel, Liam and Lily at Pulborough Brooks before they go back to school at the end of next week. For once we were on time and arrived at the same time as they did. We parked and were greeted by the volunteers and workers there who all but know Davies and Scarlett by name excitedly telling them about the new rainbow spotter sheets they have. They had 12 colours (rainbow plus black,white, silver, brown and pink) with spaces to write what you had found ‘in nature’ for each colour. And new pens!

It was an interesting start to the walk as we gathered around the pond and Davies and Scarlett were spotting various things like newts and watersnails. Liam, particularly is very competitive and always has to spot the biggest one or tell a story about how he once had an experience with something better. Davies and Scarlett always impress me with their tolerance for this. Davies and Scarlett managed to find stuff for every colour of the rainbow anyway, including elderberries, clover, thistles, feathers. lilypads and more.

Not very far round it suddenly started to rain very heavily for about 10 minutes. Mel, who is far more organised than I am whipped out raincoats for her and her two, I stood ineffectually under a tree and Davies and Scarlett took the opportunity to run around laughing madly and getting soaked. This was much to the bemusement of Liam and Lily and delight of a youngish couple also sheltering under the not very sheltery tree who commended my kids on being ‘proper kids’ 😆 Liam asked me what they were doing and looked at me like I was mad when I said ‘making the best of whats come along and enjoying it’ but it did strike me that both kids have definitely got Ady and my optimistic streak. Coupled of course with a bit of a lunatic streak 😉

The rain stopped and we continued along the trail spotting various things as we went. At one point M,L and L went into one of the hides. Scarlett was on the rowdy side today so I discouraged them from going in as she just annoys people doing proper birdwatching (and rightly so, so I keep her a proper distance away from hides and shush her when she’s in that frame of mind) and while we waited D and S looked for four leaf clovers in a clover patch along the way. When M, L & L came back out they joined in so for about 10 minutes all four children were down on their knees methodically seaching for four leaf clover. No one found one.

We finished the trail, handed in the sheets, Davies and Scarlett each spent a couple of their own pounds in the shop and then we headed to the playarea for a picnic. I guess we got there for 1ish and were still there at 4! We had a really nice time with the four children mostly playing together. They started off creating a Total Wipeout circuit with the play stuff and did that for ages, then they found a ‘secret den’ in the undergrowth and played in that for ages. Mel and I had a really nice long chat and it was all very sunny and lovely.

We chatted a bit about Home Ed as Mel had seen the new and papers of the bubble event. She’d clearly researched it all a bit to find out what we were protesting about and was all indignant and supportive on our behalf 🙂 My spirits are always lifted when a ‘civilian’ is on our side ;).

Finally, after Scarlett went over to see what a cluster of RSPB volunteers were all gathered looking at and came back to ask for the camera to take some photos of the lizard and her babies we were all ready to go and we parted and headed for home. Really nice to see them :).

Once home I did the kids’ tea, made some cookies for afterwards and then Ady arrived home. I read a pile of books (all now ready to go back to work tomorrow) to them and they went off to bed. I cooked dinner (toad in the hole) and having drunk far too much wine and peaked too early I’m off to bed now too.

No idea what happened to the end of yesterdays blog, but my Granny is fine and well.

So, kids needed shoes, I’d cancelled friends coming over incase Davies has a lurgy but he was feeling fine after a hearty breakfast so we headed off to Littlehampton for shoes.

We got Davies some new pretendy crocs, Scarlett wanted yellow though and they only had pink left. We called into Rustington to the other pretendy crocs shop but they also only had pink or blue. Ebay has now come up trumps and she has a pair of yellow ones on the way (and for less money even with postage than the shop was selling them actually!) though.

We got home about 2ish and had a late lunch followed by some debate about what everyone wanted for dinner.Ady and I were having salmon, Davies wanted pizza and Scarlett had been promised french toast for days. So I put the pizza dough on and then afternoon was spent with the kids watching a drumming dvd I’d brought home, playing with the geomags and generally reconnecting. Davies was fine, it must have been a bodily reaction to the week rather than anything more worrying but I think a day at home, just us, was probably the best way to spend the day anyway actually.

The kids had tea, Ady came home, I read them a pile of books, they went to bed. Neither of them went straight to sleep, infact Davies came down again at 930pm to invite us to go and see the amusement arcade he’d set up in his bedroom! He’s back! 😆

And that’s probably it, maybe wordpress cut it for being uninteresting actually ;). Except for upsetting my mother by ringing her to say we didn’t need her on Friday afternoon this week. This is the third week running we’ve not had her looking after the kids while I work – the first because Ady took both kids rather than hang around waiting for her to get here (she always cuts it very fine despite having been told the earlier she can get here the better as Ady has to catch up the mornings hours), last week Scarlett really didn’t want her to look after her without Davies here so Ady took her with him again and this week we had a childcare issue in the morning which has been sorted for the whole day now. She got a bit arsey and said ‘are you trying to tell me something?’ to which the answer is no but if I’m honest she is the kids’ least favourite person to look after them. I wish it weren’t so and I suspect she does try hard to make it a nice afternoon when she’s here but she is so inconsistent with them that they are now at an age where they have made their own minds up about her and it’s not all favourable. We did want my parents to have the children next Wednesday evening though which we asked about when they were here on Sunday and got a very non committal answer so I followed that up with her – it’s from 4pm to about 11pm, so all evening and I really struggled again to get her to say yes. I eventually asked ‘so is that okay then?’ and got a ‘well it will have to be won’t it?! stroppily back in reply. I said ‘no, if it’s not okay we’ll find someone else to have them or not go at all’ and then she was fine. Honestly though is it any wonder the kids would rather not be looked after someone who clearly sees it as a massive chore and imposition of her time? And I shield them from most of this crap :(. Life was much easier in Manchester when we just paid for childcare and were able to dictate dates, times and just hand over an hourly rate to someone who was happy to be doing it…

Sorry Joyce, I left you to cope with it single handed yesterday. In my defense there was a blog post started but it was interrupted by vomit which along with the dog ate it, I had my period and I was at my Granny’s funeral surely qualifies as a proper excuse?

So yesterdat then… we spent some time at our rather neglected allotment. In fairness there are no crops being neglected as such, just general tidiness. I won’t blog about what’s happening up there over here I’ll do it over there instead. To be fair Ady’s was the conscience that was prickling the most and he was motivated more by the excellent view of Shoreham airport from which the annual RAFA airshow was happening this weekend than woe on behalf of the carrots!

We had a fairly slack morning for getting up and finally were ready to go at about 11am. Davies was still sitting on my lap – more about observations Post Camp (PC) later – and decided he wanted to walk up to the allotment, while Scarlett was dressed and raring to go with Ady in the car. In the end we actually left at exactly the same time – them in the car with picnic and us walking. I suspect Davies wanted some one to one time with me. He decided to read every word we came across on the way and surprised me with how good his reading is getting. His spelling is still on the ‘creative’ side but he really seems to have taken to reading. He tells me he did some practising with stuff last week while at camp!

We talked about various things along the walk, which is about half an hour I suppose (nearly 2 miles but we walked quick) and it was nice to have my boy back and still my boy if that makes sense.

Up at the allotment the kids varied between doing stuff on their plots, sitting under umbrellas to shelter from the sun, watching the planes, heading off into the woods and fields a couple of times for ‘adventures’ and making friends with the various wildlife. Ady and I did loads of weed clearing and we all paused to watch the impressive planes coming over every now and then. I managed to get a narrow strip of sunburn in the gap that showed between the top of my jeans and the bottom of my t shirt when I was bent over weeding! 😆

At about 315pm Davies and I headed off to the newly opened Asda to get some meat for a roast dinner. We had £10 and ended up with 8pence change as we got free range chicken, reduced carrots and bread and a notepad and some fancy pens each for the kids from the back to school range. They now each have an ‘Adventure book’ in which they draw, write notes and stick things in from their various adventures :).

We went back to collect Ady and Scarlett from the allotment and ended up going back in to watch the vulcan as it came over before heading for home.

The kids played in the garden doing stuff with their adventure books, Ady cooked dinner and I spent some time with the chickens. I’ve been enjoying watching some old photos on my old laptop recently and whilst I suspect they are already on flickr somewhere they are not in sets or tagged so I re-uploaded some of them at the same time as copying them onto our new external harddrive. So now you can all enjoy walking through memory lane with me just by looking at my flickrstream of when Scarlett and Davies both had short hair and non-grass stained clothes, my hair was longer and my eyes had less lines around them and the backdrops were all northern.

My parents appeared while the children were in the bath and stayed awhile. We did offer to split our dinner but they’d not long eaten. It all seemed fairly sociable but they did beat a rather hasty exit – not sure why really. We had dessert (the crumble S and I made on Friday) and finally the children went to bed. Scarlett took a fair while to get to sleep but Davies really struggled which I was surprised about given the late night on Saturday. He asked me to sit with him for a while at about 11pm which I did and then as Ady went up to bed around midnight he came downstairs complaining of a stomach ache. He was in the loo for ages and then suddenly called me to say he’d been sick.

Thankfully my role was limited to some back rubbing and chucking some bleach down after it – despite being very rarely ill (as in vomit ill) both Davies and Scarlett are very good at self management in that respect and I’ve only ever had to flush toilets or empty bowls, unlike my poor Dad who often had to scrub carpets. My mum is very, very vomit phobic so Dad always had to deal with us being sick when we were little. I suspect her phobia rubbed off actually and made us deny we were feeling sick until it was too late to make it to the bathroom, hence lots of hallway accidents. I’ve always tried to be very relaxed about sick with my kids and they are both fine with it when it does happen, actually probably far better than I am.

Davies was fine afterwards although a bit pale and wobbly and wanted to be with me so we went up to bed. I woke Ady and gave him options about where to sleep (in bed with Davies and I but running the risk of infection / disturbed night, in bed with just Davies although Davies wanted me or taking his pillow and going to Davies’ room which was his best bet for sleep really) – he wisely evacuated our bed for Davies’ and Davies was soon asleep peacefully. He slept right through and is fine today so it must have been too much sun / accumulation of not enough sleep / too much apple and blackberry crumble / something else not very serious.

Today was supposed to be the return visit of our new friends coming to our house but I emailed her last night to say Davies was unwell and even if it proved not to be a contagious bug he was probably best off having a quiet day at home to rest and recover so we’ve rearranged for later in the week.

Davies was actually up fairly bright and early at 8am. I chatted to him awhile and then turned over and went back to sleep for a bit. When I got up and the kids had breakfasted we debated what to do with the day. Davies was fine, happy to go out for a bit and as both of them were claiming to need new crocs

just post a great big 🙂

Well he’s home. I think we’ve covered my feelings about him being away fairly comprehensively and we probably don’t need to go over how I’m feeling to have him back really. 😉

Dad appeared just before we were going to fetch him, I suspect it was deliberate, so he came along to collect him with us. Official pick up time was 11am, we were there by about twenty to and were by no means the last. I saw Davies straight away, skulking near the entrance and heard someone say to him ‘Davies, Davies, your Mummy’s here’. He waved and smiled and then headed back off into the field. He told me afterwards that they’d all been told they had to stay on the camp and carry on with helping strike camp until they were officially discharged.

So we got to watch him being said goodbye to by about 20 different cadets and badgers. He was getting cuddled, high fived, picked up and tossed around and certainly seemed to be popular. There was a whistle blown and all of the campers assembled in a big circle around the flag in the centre of the field. There was no indication from anyone that we could follow them but a few parents started to, so the rest of us joined in. I got to touch him but he was still very much part of the campers and didn’t really talk to us much at that point. Scarlett got quite upset by this, whispered in my ear ‘Davies has changed’ and promptly burst into tears! 🙁

There was a giving back of lost property session (that’s the way to do it, make sure noone leaves until every item’s been claimed) which seemed to provoke hilarity that most of the stuff belonged to one of only about 3 different kids. They then handed out certificates to everyone for ‘surviving the week’ and some of the Badgers (including Davies) got their Active Badger badge, which Davies tells me he has already done before which at least means I don’t need to be sewing it on. There was various prizegiving stuff and thanks to all the staff and then the flag was lowered and camp was over.

Back to the car and I sat between Davies and Scarlett all trying to catch up with each other at once. We came home and after a lengthy cuddle Davies went off to have a shower (he was stinky), I unpacked his bag (just one machine load of washing, not bad!) and Dad left. We all had a proper catch up, the kids had some lunch and then we walked up the hill to our not-swinger friends who were having a garden party.

The food was to the usual very high standard and typically when I could pick and choose and help myself to what I did and didn’t want to eat there was loads of stuff there I found delicious.Their garden is not huge but held the 40 or so people there very well. Ady and Davies mostly sat and chatted to each other and spent some time out the front watching the planes as it is Shoreham air show this weekend and we were treated to fly bys of spitfires, hurricanes, a vulcan and as that is where my plane knowledge swiftly runs out I will have to simply say ‘and lots of other planes too’ 😆 Aswell as all the people there were also five dogs in the garden so Scarlett was in her absolute element. 🙂

I did proper grown up chatting with other grown ups including Kristianne who comes to reading group, Helen who was the senior librarian who employed me but left shortly afterwards, the couple who were at dinner there the first time we went and various other random people that Mike or Rose introduced me to. I felt I held my own well and had to talk Home Ed several times as that seemed to be the USP Mike introduced me with a couple of times. As I say Davies was mostly chatting to Ady but Scarlett was out there doing what she does best and had utterly charmed several people by chatting to them about all sorts. One of the women was at great pains to tell me how lovely she was and how she’d assumed Home Educated children would be difficult socially but Scarlett had changed her mind about that and finished up with ‘she’s a real credit to you.’ which had me feeling very proud and glowy :).

We were there a good three hours and all started to feel ready for home and just the four of us so walked back down the hill again. Scarlett spotted a dragonfly basking in the sun so Ady and I took some photos of it, it was beautiful. I piggybacked Davies as his shoes were rubbing – both kids now have rubbing crocs so must have grown shoe sizes – new shoes on Monday then, which thankfully coincides with payday!

At the bottom of the hill we smelt chips from the chip shop so popped in to get the kids a portion each for their tea and bumped into my boss from work in there. She told Davies what a nightmare I’ve been all week without him and asked Scarlett all about Marwell which was nice :).

Back home we had lots of cuddles, the kids watched Total Wipeout and then went off upstairs armed with a pile of dvds to have a sleepover. Scarlett was desperate and I’d thought Davies might like some space and time alone after a tent with 5 others all week and a very full on social week but he was just as keen :).

So, how did his week go then? He said overall he really enjoyed it and would definitely go again. He had two times when he cried / felt sad. The first was when he rung me and the second was close to the end of the week when one of the boys he’d been hanging out with all week got really arsey with him about Home Ed and claimed he must be lying and when Davies continued to insist he was indeed Home Educated and didn’t go to school headbutted him and punched him in the eye! 😯 Davies said he didn’t report it but suspected some of the other witnesses did and they also took him (Davies) along to the first aid tent. He said everyone else accepted it without much other interest. They parted friends today though and he is one of the lads from Worthing badgers so he’ll learn that Home Ed is true when Scarlett next sees him at Badgers in September ;).

Davies really enjoyed the various day trips – Chessington (he liked it lots, was too small for all of the best looking rides and would like to go again in term time when there are no queues), swimming (very cool pool with wave machines and slides), the kayaking and canoeing. He liked most of the food, said the ‘duties’ they had to do were okay, slept badly without a camping mat and claimed to be cold. His highlights were winning the dancing competition to Michael Jackson’s BAD one night, making friends, the various in jokes and feeling of being part of the group and coming home.

He felt really sorry for the other boy who was homesick the same day as him and rang home for his mum to refuse to come and get him / visit. He said he’d have felt dreadful if I’d not gone to see him on Sunday night. Not that I needed to hear that or indeed there had been any doubt but I’m SO glad I went. His best friend for the week was a cadet aged 11 who he really got on well with. He was given new wrist bands to remember two friends by to add to his collection of assorted tat tied round his arm and also added a purple band from the swimming pool too. He said everyone liked him and lots of the bigger kids said he was cute and funny. He told me about how when a cake was brought out on the last night for the husband and wife who run camp to commemorate it being their tenth year of doing so he started singing ‘Happy ten years of camping’ to the tune of Happy Birthday to you and everyone said ‘awww’ and joined in. He said he missed me loads, loved camp, will definitely go again next year and is very glad to be home!

I’m really proud of him. Really proud he did it and stood alone, so proud that he made that leap without really knowing what he was letting himself in for, got past his wobble when he did realise what it was all about and stayed anyway, enjoyed the activities, was very much part of the group, made friends, held his own about Home Ed, coped when things went wrong, didn’t retaliate with violence, stayed true to who he is and was proud of himself and then came home and sat snuggled up on my lap for a couple of hours afterwards. And best of all, it’s a whole 51 weeks before he does it again! 😆

Last day. I have enjoyed having Scarlett all to myself and she says she has enjoyed having me all to ourself. We both admitted we’d rather have had Davies here though! We do have plans afoot for if he does it all again next year though.

There is no denying I have not coped at all well with this week. I have missed Davies every bit as much, and more, as I was thinking I might. I have HATED the prospect of contact by phone or post but not actually getting any, I have really struggled with the ‘we know best’ attitude of the leaders when even I don’t presume to know best for my kids – the just not knowing has really pushed me to insanity. The week started with a feeling of utter loss, it has lessened slightly to a feeling of incompleteness and low level anxiety but none of it has been a positive experience for me really.

That all said, and I hope I don’t speak too soon, I am incredibly proud of Davies. This was something he decided he wanted to do, thought very hard about, went off and did and he’s done it. This was a massive deal for a child who up until 5 weeks ago had never had a night away from home / me. A whole week, with no one else he’d ever even met before in a place he’d never been before with no idea about what he’d be eating, doing or seeing took immense courage and strength of character. I’ve yet to hear his version of events but from what the leader has said to me he made an instant impression as a mature, sorted, together person. She has described him as helpful, pragmatic, supportive and caring, interested, curious, adventurous and sociable.

Davies turns nine in a few weeks, it hit me the other day that he is halfway to adulthood. He’s come a very long way from the 2 year old that we decided to pull out of nursery because he was so unhappy, a very long way from the 4 year old who couldn’t be left with anyone. This is one of many of his steps towards independance, towards learning how to fly. I’ll probably never know if it was as hard for him as it has been for me but I suspect it was as huge if not even bigger, a true landmark moment in his young life that he’ll remember forever. I hope he’s got everything out of it he hoped for, and more. I hope he’s taken all the highs and lows, new friendships and lessons and experiences and continued along that road to who he is and will become.

I know I have many more small goodbyes ahead of me with my children, leading up to the day when they will one day walk away for good and start calling somewhere else home, but I know I’ll forever remember this week as that first tentative step towards growing up and away.

And of course I say all this, safe in the knowledge that in less than 12 hours he will be back with me again ;).

So, what did Tarly and I do on our last day WD (without Davies)?

We’d arranged to meet Julie, Jack, Maisie and Lorna at PYO at 11am. Scarlett came into our bed in the night (she’s done that a lot this week) and when we got up she decided she wanted me to read her her two books for the Summer Reading Challenge so we could take them back. I think she quite liked the idea of being 2 books ahead of Davies 😆 We read them both and then headed to the library so she could do that. It was a new volunteer who didn’t really have much confidence in what he was doing so I had to help him a bit with what he was supposed to be giving her (bookmark and stickers) and he didn’t really ask her much about the books. We then went into the childrens library so she could choose some more books and I read her a story while we were in there. Several small children gravitated towards us while we were doing that to listen in – never sure if it’s because they recognise me from working there or if small children just can’t resist listening to a story being read aloud! I had a quick chat with colleagues and then we headed off with a new pile of books.

There had been loads of emergency vehicles screaming past our house all morning and when we drove to the library we went past massive queues of stationary traffic so I suspected we may have problems coming back and indeed we did. It looked like a lorry had gone over at the traffic lights junction of the A27 so we were diverted through the village and ended up nearly half an hour late to meet Julie.

She’d written a note to us and left it on her car but we’d not looked at her car so spent an hour half looking for them and half picking stuff before we eventually found them. We’d already picked cooking and eating apples and sweetcorn. Scarlett had bonded with a woman and a baby in a sling and small daughter on the tractor riding round so had gone off with them to pick corn. She came back full of information about them having ‘made friends’ :). We caught up with Julie et al at the raspberries just as they were leaving so Julie helped me pick raspberries while we chatted and the 3 older cousins ran off together for a while. Lorna is now properly walking without holding hands and is very cute toddling along looking all pleased with herself :).

We parted and Scarlett and I came home via the supermarket and pet shop for various bits. We had a very late lunch and she went off to play in her room for a bit before coming back and asking me to ‘do something’ with her. I suggested a couple of ideas and she went for baking.

First we decided to make an apple crumble. Ady had picked some blackberries off the brambles in our garden so we used them up and then decided to pick some more. We ended up with a large amount so topped up the apple and blackberry crumble and got that in the oven then decided to make jam with the raspberries we’d picked today at PYO and the rest of the blackberries. Only enough for one jar of each but both lovely :). Scarlett enjoyed the jam making process very much and while I did the washing up and hot stirring she weighed out the stuff for snickerdoodles, then decided she wanted lavendoodles instead so went to pick some lavender. She chopped that up and did most of the making and mixing and we got those in the oven too.

We were interupted by David the Thankyou neighbour calling over with a letter he’d written to the doctors surgery across the road about their staff and patients parking inconsiderately in our road. It was very poorly written, both in terms of content and grammar and spelling but the jist was all there so I signed it and he popped across again later for Ady to do so too.

Ady came home and Scarlett updated him on all we’d done and brought him samples of crumble, jam and lavendoodles to try. He’d brought home some mask templates I’d got him to print off for a competition to win a trip to Marwell so Scarlett spent some time colouring one of those in, then making a costume to match (cheetah) from a white T shirt and then putting dots and whiskers on her face to match too. She did use pen and nail varnish for this so it took some getting off :rolls:

Scarlett finally went to bed after a HUGE pile of books including and and and more.

And now I’m off to bed…can’t wait for the morning 🙂

Who, so she says, misses it when I don’t blog.

And worries about holes in the internet and stuff (remember that!? :lol:)

Not a lot to say today really. I’ve not heard from Davies and have decided to listen to everyone and assume that no news is good news – and in 36 hours I’ll have him back anyway.

Scarlett went to work with Ady for the day as she really, *really* didn’t want my Mum to look after her this afternoon. That is one of those situations that nothing I can do can improve really so I’m leaving it alone and fortunately Ady was able to take her with him today anyway.

I had a text from him at midday to say ‘having a happy meal and a latte with the greatest girl in the world’ which made me smile for ages afterwards :).

Work was fine, I spent lots of my day on the enquiry desk where I joined up about 15 new members, spoke to a lovely old lady about her husband who died of alcohol poisoning when she came in to photocopy his death certificate. They’d been married for 54 years and he died in June. She said she still cries every day 🙁 She also said she tried so hard to stop him from drinking but couldn’t. She had a very heavy accent and told me she was born and grew up in Spain but has lived here for 3/4 of her life and now Spain doesn’t feel like home anymore. Such a nice lady.

I’m on a one woman mission to get Andy Stanton to somewhere near enough for me to take Davies and Scarlett to see him (author of the Mr Gum books we’ve been loving) so had persuaded one of the librarians to email his agent / publisher. He doesn’t do events for less than 100 people and is booked up til 2010 but she said she’d see if we could arrange a joint event with one of the other bigger libraries so that’s pretty exciting.

I beat Ady and Scarlett home by about half an hour which felt strange although it is becomming a more regular happening for me to be in the house alone and I am slowly getting used to it. Scarlett had spent £3 of her spending money from Marwell on a Michael Jackson cd – Bad. It’s her first cd purchase and will therefore be one she remembers forever and answers on random quizzes for the rest of her life. She is delighted with it :).

I read her a couple of books – which is just lovely, both text and illustrations and then her two reading challenge book choices which I’d already read her once but read her again with the intention of taking her in tomorrow to report back. Both of them came with cds so while I had a bath she sat and listened to them on cd after me reading them. Then she took her Michael Jackson cd with her and went off to bed.

I cooked dinner, we watched a bit of telly and now I am as tired as a very tired person suffering with tiredness.

It’s been a week of full on Mummying really which is odd considering my charges are down by 50% but I always suspected I do 50% of the parenting and the slack is picked up by siblings and it turns out I was right ;).

So today the plan was a quiet morning and then driving to the New Forest to meet up with The Portico and American friends. I’d been looking forward to both seeing Chris & Alison and meeting the online friend (who I know from Feminist Parents) but had been expecting it to be an earlier meet up as I was going out for a meal with friends from work (a leaving do for a colleague, who it now turns out wants to come back anyway) at 7pm so needed to be home for 6pm and the New Forest is 90 minutes drive on a clear run so factoring in traffic I’d need to allow 2 hours – at least.

Scarlett got into bed with me first thing and we had a chat and cuddle before getting up, dressed and breakfasted. I had promised to cast an eye over one of Ady’s workmate’s CV but seem to have deleted it off my computer so wasn’t able to do so. I’d primed Tarly for an hour of self entertainment while I did so though so I used the time to catch up on my blog of the previous couple of days. She didnt last nearly an hour though before demanding my attention. I offered various suggestions but she said what she really wanted to do was walk to Brooklands, get an ice cream and go to the beach.

That all seemed quite fair and would leave us plenty of time for coming home to drive to the New Forest so I agreed and we set off. As usual interesting chats along the way, although I can’t quite recall what about now. There was a big top set up at Brooklands for the circus so we wandered over to see what was happening but it was a 3 day circus school for children, which will end with a performance tomorrow evening. Davies would have loved that…
(dreadful picture of me, I look every single one of my 35 years and more. Clearly this is what worry does to one!)
We got an ice cream each and walked to the beach with them chattering about beach huts (we’d love one but they are too expensive) and private strips of beach (ditto although Scarlett firmly believes the beach should be for all to enjoy and not sectioned into private strips apparently!). We walked along the (very busy) beach for a while and then decided to paddle and see how warm the sea was.

(one of my famous dodgy horizon shots, sorry!)
We walked along to the rocks and I sat while Scarlett paddled, first in jeans and then they came off, then she got her pants wet and finally went right under and came out with soaking wet t shirt and hair! She was very happy though :). At that point Alison sent a text to say they were due to arrive in the New Forest at 2 which would mean us leaving straight away. Predictably Scarlett was very reluctant with even the promise of Lulah and ponies not luring her away (I didn’t even try and tempt her with the beach, given we were already on one!). I toyed with the idea but actually the thought of a good 3 hours driving in my very hot car (my window doesnt’ work) with a child who wasn’t really up for it just didn’t appeal enough to say ‘right, we’re going, come on!’ so I sent an apologising text back. I really am sorry though, it would have been great to see you all and if I’d not needed to get back and could have stayed long enough to justify the driving and stayed later to miss the rush hour traffic we’d definitely have come.

I eventually persuaded Scarlett out of the sea and we walked back up to the promenade where she asked for another ice cream. She so rarely asks for stuff and it seemed like a fair request so I bought her one! I’m not sure who was most surprised 😆

We walked slowly through Lancing, stopping at all the charity shops where Scarlett found a Wallace and Gromit toy for Davies. We nipped into the bakers for a sausage roll and a cake which we sat in the park and ate and then we walked home again the long way round.

Back home we hung some more washing out, spent some time with the chickens and then spent some time looking at snow leopard charities online, emailed Marwell about the one eyed pirahna and looked at Longleat. I emailed Longleat for group prices, contacted Sustainability to confirm our camping booking (if you’re coming and havent’ booked yet do make sure you do!) and got all excited about a Longleat trip in October :).

Scarlett spent some time snuggled up with me while I did all that and then some time looking through her RSPB magazine which had come in the post. We entered a competition for it online and then she decided to make some pictures to send in. All by herself she decided to combine drawing with collage from stuff from the garden and did some ace pictures using leaves, grass, lavender, flowers and a couple of feathers she’d gathered from the garden. Oh and some sticks and some earth! She got the paint and pens out and created some really nice pictures and then put everything away and cleared it all up including wiping down the table, all with very minimal prompting. Interesting how grown up she’s being without Davies around…



Ady came home and while Scarlett had tea (very late as she’d been eating kiwi fruit all afternoon she’d gone and got herself including chopping it all up) I tried on lots of outfits and discarded most of them getting ready to go out for a meal. Finally I found something suitable and Ady and Scarlett dropped me off at the pub in Shoreham. There were 8 of us and it was a nice evening with lots of laughs. Very cheap too as they had a two for a tenner deal which meant we all chose a ‘buddy’ and only paid a fiver each for the meal. Which made the £3.30 I paid for a glass of wine slightly less dreadful – honestly though, you can buy a whole bottle for that! My boss bought me a second one and then instead of a pudding I had a liquer so I still only paid about £12 for the night. Food was good hearty fayre at bargain prices.

I’m a bit wobbly again tonight about Davies as he was off to Chessington today. The leader said she would encourage him to ring me tonight and he hasn’t. I was hoping he’d be having a really good time and feel able to chat to me today or at the very least if he was reluctant then she would ring me instead. I’m now fretting that he isn’t happy enough to feel able to ring without wobbling, that for some reason he can’t work his phone (I’ve sent a few texts which would come through when he turned it on and might confuse him, I hope he’d ask for help but am not sure) or that he is still wobbling and they’ve not let him ring. I’ve sent him post each day but not had anything back despite him saying he would send me stuff. If all of this is because he is simply too busy to think about it then fine but I have a nagging feeling it isn’t 🙁 Obviously I will ring the leader againtomorrow and try really hard to be able to speak to Davies.

I’ve already arranged to work full time including late nights if Scarlett decides to go too in 2 years – there is no way I could spent the week childless and without employment!

It’s been a very funny thing, being without Davies. And being alone with Scarlett. I only had an only child for 2 years (and for most of one of those I was pregnant) and that was Davies. Our lifestyle has meant that time with just one child is rare indeed. For the first two days of Davies being away I truly felt I was suffering grief. Not that I’ve ever known real grief (thankfully) but I was utterly distraught and I suprised myself in that far from taking comfort in Scarlett being around (or indeed Ady for that matter) what I really wanted was to be left alone with my grief. I suspect if Scarlett was more the snuggling up for endless cuddles type I may have sought her out more (as indeed Davies is) but her and Ady found plenty to do on Saturday afternoon and Sunday and I was actually pretty thankful for the space to get on with being bloody miserable and missing Davies in peace.

So it was really good to have some proper ‘treat’ y stuff planned for Monday and Tuesday with Scarlett. I’d planned to take her to Marwell Zoo for the day and we’d toyed with the idea of camping for a night. In the meantime Ali had been interested in joining us at Marwell and then very kindly offered to have us share a family Zoofari deal with her and Freya comprising an overnight stay at the Marwell hotel.

So Scarlett and I got up early on Monday morning, chucked some stuff in a rucksack, made a cup of tea in the flask for me and some cereal in a sandwich bag for her, put her carseat into the front next to me and headed off for Winchester.

We were in Winchester just after 10am but due to not knowing the place at all and needing to drive round several times to find a suitable parking space (long stay as we were meeting Ali and F for lunch later and didn’t want to feel rushed by having to get back to the car, pavement level and open as I hate multistories after having our car broken into in Ireland and all our stuff nicked and was conscious of a bootful of rucksacks and other stuff), then finding somewhere and needing to have cash to pay and display so having to go back into the town to find a cashpoint, taking several very wrong turnings while trying to negotiate the one way system and then finally parking, having to find the nearest shop and buy something to get change and then hurrying back to the carpark again to buy the ticket, it was actually after 11am before we were out of the car.

I’d said Scarlett could have £3 to spend in the shops and we needed to get part of Ali’s birthday present so we did a taking it in turns to decide which shop to go into arrangement. Fortunately we have very similar tastes in shops so it was mostly charity shops, chemists with make up sections, The Body Shop and book stores. 🙂 We spent some time going up and down in the glass lift in a shopping centre trying to find the toilets and then trying to get back to ground level again. We chose several green nail varnishes for Ali (and I bought Scarlett a yellow one) and we just enjoyed wandering about together.

We then decided to go to the park for half an hour or so where Scarlett enjoyed a mad spinning toy and jumping off the platforms in the sand pit. At one point she was playing with a spade in the sandpit when a coupe of girls came over to ask for their spade back. She gave it straight away with a smile and an ‘oh sorry, I didn’t realise it belonged to anyone, I thought it was just for anyone in the park to use’. I’m always really proud of her interactions with strangers like that :).

We met Ali and Freya beside the river and went to go to Pizza Express but hadn’t banked on needing to book a table on a Monday lunchtime. We decided to visit the NT Watermill next door for half an hour or so and then pop back.

The mill was very interesting actually, just the right mix of interactive displays, not too much information and a working watermill with plenty of noise and spray and action. Ali and I did the trail sheet between us when the girls showed no real interest in much other than grinding corn using a stone or a set of millstones. 😆

Ali and I learnt that otters shelters are called holts though so we felt duly educated ;).

Back to Pizza Express which was now all but empty (and indeed by the time we’d finished our meal it was totally empty). This was my birthday present to Ali and definitely not something we’d have done otherwise so it was a nice treat. I don’t think I’ve ever eaten in Pizza Express before. I thought the kids’ meals were very good and the service was excellent. The waitress took a bit of shine to Scarlett (who was on best polite behaviour) and bent the rules to bring her a pasta dish that wasn’t actually on the menu. Unfortunately the pasta was clearly left over from an earlier batch of cooking and had gone a bit crispy so Scarlett didn’t actually eat it but she made do with all of my pizza crusts and had a large ice cream (once again deviating from the set menu because the waitress said she asked so nicely and there was no one in charge around to check!). Ali and I had splashes of liqueur with our icecreams and she said the bottle had slipped while she’d done Ali’s so it was practically swimming in limoncello. I suspect it was more to do with it being Ali’s birthday though :).

We left there incredibly full and went for a walk along the riverside. Scarlett and I played pooh sticks on a couple of the bridges and we discussed how fast the current of the river was. Ali and I felt that at about five miles an hour it was fairly fast when we put a stick in and walked alongside it at the same pace. The girls thought this was not so fast – we decided it was all relative ;). We wandered through some ruins and then slowly back to the car by a rather circuitous route taking in an interactive statue along the way. This was very cool and by texting certain words to it you could change the colours and light patterns. We weren’t sure how much it would cost though so only selected one word to try.

I’d not even thought about bringing satnav or checking routes for the trip – I’ve been past the brown signs for Marwell often enough along the M27 and seen signs for Winchester too that I’d decided we’d just follow them like in the olden days 😆 I’m therefore not at all sure we took the best route from Winchester to Marwell as it seemed very long and convoluted – and I’d forgotten just how crap the road signs are in the UK with them guiding you very well with a sign at every possible junction for ages and then suddenly none at all for ages leaving you to assume it must be straight on then but without any confidence. The actual turning off was really badly signed so I went past it and had to check in the rear view mirror to see if there was another sign telliing me that had been the turning. It had so I did a scary turning round manouvere on a road I wasn’t really sure was wide enough to take my car in one go (it did, I’m sure my screaming helped shorten the length!) and we were there.

I know from previous experience that Freya is not used to long car journeys and doesn’t enjoy being contained and strapped it – it’s certainly very different to being on a train with the freedom to move around. Scarlett and Davies are very good car travellers, having done long journeys by car since birth on a regular basis. Unfortunately Freya’s protests can infect Scarlett or Davies too so I wasn’t looking forward to the driving really, but actually both the girls did really well and for the most part chatted to each other leaving Ali and I to chat which was precisely what I’d hoped might happen in a best case scenario.

We checked into the hotel and the girls went off to explore and adventure while Ali had a bath and I sat down to read the blurb in the folder on the desk (I like reading hotel room blurb :)). It’s a queer mix of really very basic accomodation with incredibly fancy twiddly bits. The room is tiny – I suspect all rooms are the same size and even for a double room it would have been on the small side but having had a bunk bed squeezed in to make it a family room it was very tight. In order to pull the curtains you had to do a roll over the bottom bunk to get to the window and I suspect we could have all held hands while lying in our respective beds. Scarlett and I had the bunks while Ali and Freya shared the double bed. I liked the animal touches of a leopard print chair and tiger and zebra print mugs in the room though :). All the rooms had a fire door onto a fire escape which led down into the grounds which were nice and forest-y so the girls went out that way and once we’d persuaded them that they needed to not wander about on everyone else’s fire escapes peering into rooms they went off to adventure around the grounds happily.

The nice ‘twiddly bits’ included fancy toiletries, shower caps (no sewing kit though, I was disappointed at the lack of sewing kit) and use of the gym, swimming pool, jacuzzi etc. If I’d realised that I’d definitely have brought swimming stuff for S and I, so I wish I’d looked at the website. Also included in our Zoofari was dinner and breakfast.

After I’d also had a bath the girls were hungry so we brought our dinner reservation forward and headed to the restaurant. I really struggled with this – a HUGE lunch followed by an earlier than early dinner. Everyone knows 11pm isn’t unusual for our dinner here, normal is 9pm ish so 630pm was just crazy, particularly when I wasn’t remotely hungry yet. But the food was fantastic, I just wish it could have been about 3 hours later 😆 When we’re away with the kids we usually compromise on a cake or something mid afternoon to keep them going and then dinner at 8pm.

So, a gorgeous meal of chicken liver parfait with toasted brioche and cranberry and orange relish, followed by rump steak with a criss cross tower of chips and pepper sauce (I specifically asked for no mushroom, predictably it came anway) with an amazing creme brulee and shortbread for dessert. It really was very good food :).

We had a bit of a wander round after eating and went to the playarea within the hotel ground which was a large wooden frame with swing bridges etc. Both girls had a soft toy and played very happily making up a story about Scarlett’s bird and Freya’s cat. They told it to us later, it involved bullying at school and a happy ever after of everyone ending up being Home Educated 😆

We sat on a bench while they played until it was nearly dark – about 9pm ish and then we headed back to the room. We’d thought they’d be tired enough to go to sleep really and had a plan to sit out on the fire escape with a bottle of wine I’d brought but it wasn’t quite so relaxing as the girls were resistant to sleep until about 11pm when we decided to go to bed too.

I don’t think any of us slept particularly well, it was very warm and of course all of the additional noises that extra people in the room make keep you on the alert. I had a series of very odd dreams meaning that even though I had slept, I felt worn out from all that dreaming activity.

Scarlett amused me with newfound modesty and insisted on retreating to the bathroom for getting changed each time, so we took it in turns to get dressed and then headed to the restuarant for fancy breakfast.

We were greeted and seated with menus talking us through breakfast which started with ‘Good Morning, we hope you slept well…’ and talked about ‘a Toaster (important capital T) located on the buffet table for your convenience’ which was all quite entertaining. Ali and I went for a can’t beat ’em, join ’em approach to table manners and read the menu in unison along with hand gestures, I had a little dance while waiting for my toast to cook and we both sang along to the music piped into the restaurant at various points :).

Breakfast was to the same very high standard as the evening meal had been, as was the very attentive and polite service from the staff. Aside from the rooms being a little on the small side I thought the whole hotel experience was really very good. I’d certainly recommend it and consider using it again. Sufficiently filled up again we went back to the room to pack up and then checked out. Our room was at the end of a longish corridor with room clusters off of it. As we walked back this time there was jazz being piped through the speakers and Ali and I liked the idea of having different themes for areas within the hotel. We thought Jazz Corridor should have lighting up panes of glass like the interactive statue or even illuminated floor panels like on that Michael Jackson video where the paving slabs light up as he dances along the pavement. We really should be in charge of a hotel, Ali and I. It would be fab 😆

We dumped our stuff in the car and then walked across to the zoo. I have been once before (that I recall, I may well have been as a child but don’t remember it) with Ady and my parents and Davies when he was about a year old. All I really recall from that was that my Mum was in charge of the picnic and she made the most spectacular packed lunch ever (she does do a good picnic my mum) and that Davies had a cold and his nose was all runny and he wasn’t really interested in any of the animals.

I have mixed feelings about zoos really. I like the conservation side of them (although I still slightly agonise about interfering with evolution when things should naturally become extinct, well I think I do, I don’t know really…) but so often the animals look so bloody miserable and nothing like they should do in areas far too small for them being watched and oohed and ahhed and often taunted by us, which I feel very uncomfortable about. I know there is much hypocrisy in this given my level of carnivorousness. Why should it be okay for animals to bred and killed for me to eat, but not okay for them to be kept in cages so I can stand within feet of a tiger and take photos for my enjoyment? IU guess my opinion is that even if we eat meat we should respect it and treat it well. Blah, a difficult one.

I really like safaris and we used to have a season ticket to Knowsley safari park when we lived in Manchester and went there regularly but of course neither of the children really remember that as they were so little then. We also paid several visits to Chester Zoo when we lived near there and I think that was my favourite zoo. We went to Longleat 4 years ago and that was very good too – for some reason safaris seem more like we’re visitors to the animals territory than they are prisoners in our pleasureparks. I think we’ll try and do another Longleat visit soon actually – anyone interested if I try and get a group rate – we only need 12 people and it’s a pretty big saving…

I decided to let Scarlett lead us round Marwell – Ali and F went off to do their own thing and we arranged to meet up again for lunch. We did end up walking round more or less the same route so we collided and spent pockets of time together anyway.

We started with the cheetah, but all the big cats were lazing in the sun sleeping for the first part of the day. Scarlett tells me (and I did know already, but I enjoyed listening to all the little animal facts she regaled me with during the day, she really does know loads :)) that big cats do their hunting at dusk and dawn and spend the rest of the time sleeping off their food or lazing around to restore energy levels.

We looked at rhinos – Scarlett’s fact was that they roll and coat themselves in mud as a sort of sunscreen and paused by the zebras for a while as two of them very being very jostly with each other which was interesting to watch.

We had a look at the leopards, as one was on the prowl and walking right past the glass. Ali has a better picture than me as her’s looked like Scarlett was stroking him. Leopards were the big cat Scarlett was most looking forward to seeing as we’d been reading all about them in her kids National Geographic magazine at the weekend so she was full of leopard facts and very pleased to see both leopards and snow leopards at Marwell (although both were mainly asleep, it has to be said).

We discussed how very smelly a lot of the enclosures were and whether this would bother the animal as it would be normal or whether usually they’d have larger areas to roam. Scarlett felt almost all the enclosures were much too small and particularly didnt’ like the big cats being so confined. Clearly there was no way the cheetah at Marwell will ever have enough space to hit 70mph. We also debated the not giving them live prey and whether enrichment in the forms of the posters around the place about hiding food and dangling it from strings was sufficient to recreate hunting.

We enjoyed spotting the red pandas, both way high up in a huge tree peering down at us.

We liked looking at the antelope, oryx and addax and chatted about how very fast gazelles are (one of my Dad’s phrases is ‘with the speed of a thousand gazelles…’ to which I always add ‘and the zest of two hundred lemons!’ so it was nice to see them.) Scarlett commented on how very thin their legs are and we watched how they walk with alternate left legs and right legs together but that they run in a bounding front legs, back legs way, like cats. Since learning about ponies and horses gaits it’s been something Scarlett notices in other animals. They had some 3d pictures on the wall so Scarlett had her photo taken to trick Ady 😆

Then Scarlett fancied a play and kindly suggested I have a sit down 😆 She enjoyed the slide and climbing frame but was clearly missing a sibling 🙁

She also pretended to be an Arabian Sandcat which we’d seen and learnt a bit about.

Then we spent some time in the Tropical World. No pictures from this bit but we really enjoyed it and walked round 3 times. We saw poison tree frogs, bird-eating spiders, horsehead stick insects, dwarf crocodiles, marmosets, piranahs and a variety of interesting snakes and lizards. There were also various tropical plants including pineapples, bananas, vanilla and ginger so we spotted all of those too. Scarlett spotted that one of the pirahnas had a missing eye and was very curious about that. We didn’t see any keepers all day so we’ve emailed them to ask today as she wants to know if it was a birth defect or whether it lost it in a tank brawl ;).

We were planning to head back to meet Ali and F then but spotted them riding the train. Scarlett ran alongside it keeping pace for a while (I lagged a long way behind ;)) but the driver was very concerned about her despite her being very sensible and keeping a good distance away and watching ahead to check when it was diverting direction so she ran back to me. We decided they’d be a bit late meeting us for lunch so had a quick look in the Australian Bushtrail bit. There were several wallabies and as we walked in two of them started mating. Scarlett was very interested in this and even more interested when another male came over to try and break up the mating. The male pulled out and the second male got splashed with sperm then a fight broke out. Both males were attempting to mate with the female and growling and lashing out at each other and then a third came along and joined in. The female seemed fairly unflustered by the whole business and just waited around ready for whoever won.

There was a sort of congo-style chase around the area and the first male came back and started mating with her again. Didn’t look particularly restful and I think the crowd of people spectating were the least of their distraction worries!

Scarlett was very interested in the whole business and the difference between chickens and wallabies mating – she was reporting back to Ady how the male was lifting the female up onto himself rather than crushing her beneath him like the chickens to. I’m guessing it’s only a matter of time before she starts asking about human positions…

We walked round the rest of the trail and saw another trio of wallabies playing out the same thing and then went through a walk through aviary where there were kookaburras including one sitting boldly on the fence. It was very happy to be photographed but Scarlett was a bit nervous of it’s sharp looking beak and didn’t want to get close enough for me to get a good shot of her with it.

I had serious camera envy at all the nikons clicking around me 🙁

By then we were a good 10minutes later than we’d arranged to meet Ali and Freya and my phone had no signal. It was just a dip in the park we seemed to be in though as a voicemail and several texts all came through together as we walked up the hill.

Lunch was typical day out price (very expensive) and quality (fairly poor) and unfortunately there were loads of wasps buzzing around and landing on us and our food. We ate fairly speedily, Scarlett got upset first about the wasps and then about me having squished one and lectured me about being at a zoo and so theoretically liking animals but then killing one! 😆 So we didn’t linger and instead arranged to meet up again for a keeper talk at the penguins and headed off to see the things we’d not yet visited.

For us that was the snow leopard, pygmy hippos, owls and gift shop. We appreciated some of the bronze cast animals that were on display

and enjoyed watching the anteater for a while. Scarlett was excellent at identifying all the animals including things like the anteater, warthogs and cabybaras so she isn’t just in it for the cute and cuddly ones ;).

In the shop she had £13 to spend. I’d said she could have £3 to spend in the shops in Winchester but she’d decided to save it for the zoo and add it to the £10 I’d said she could spend there. Way more than I’d usually allow but Davies did get £20 ‘pocket money’ at camp so I felt a tenner was fair for Tarly. I did however impose a strict £5 maximum spend on soft toys out of that, knowing she’d blow the lot on a cuddly tiger if I let her. She spent ages in the shop, including nearly 10 minutes on her own while I nipped to the toilet (a first for her, but she was very fine about it). She was tempted by an area selling Snow Leopard Trust products as she liked the idea of helping a charity with her money but there was nothing in her budget that she liked. We’ve looked at the website today and she is tempted to save up for a cub adoption though. So she ended up buying nothing. I bought a postcard which we sent to Davies on the way home.

Next Scarlett wanted an ice cream and to see the big cats again to see if any of them had woken up. The snow leopard had clearly woken as it was in a different part of it’s enclosure but had then gone back to sleep again. We got ice creams and took them to the tigers area and were very pleased to watch two tigers prowling around. They are so beautiful, quite *my* favourite animal.

We bumped into Ali and Freya then so walked back with them to have last looks at the leopard (he was on his platform), the giraffes and the cheetahs.

We intended to see the penguin feeding and keeper talk but it was heaving and actually Scarlett having done a keeper talk and feeding of penguins herself at Drusillas she decided she didn’t need to watch the one at Marwell. She wanted one last look in the gift shop to confirm to herself there was nothing she wanted – there wasn’t!

On the way out there was a tombola stall raising money for the Cheetah Sprint appeal at 50 pence a go so I gave Scarlett a pound to have a couple of goes so she could get her charity hit. She won on her second go and got a really nice cuddly red squirrel which gave her a lovely end to her lovely day :).

Scarlett had a wonderful day. It was really nice to do something all about her and totally follow her lead. She was a pleasure to be with, really good company, really grateful for everything and I think my favourite moment was just after she’d had a leopard brush against the other side of the glass she was touching when she was just beaming with happiness and had to come and give me a cuddle just to express her joy :). She did the same when we saw seals at Bardsey Island – would so love to take her to dolphins and be responsible for helping her have that feeling again :).

Although the zoo was still open for another couple of hours I think we’d all seen all we wanted to see. Poor Freya was limping with an injured foot and I was conscious of a 3 hour or so drive back to Ali’s and then back again to our house. I decided not to retrace our route from the hotel and to head east instead and pick up the motorway figuring as long as we were heading in the direction of home we’d find the way somehow. It turned out to be a very wise plan and we ended up meeting the M27 even further east than I’d been hoping. Thanks to getting away earlier although we did hit traffic in expected spots (Chichester, Arundel, Worthing) it wasn’t yet too bad and we dropped Ali and Freya off at 6pm, just as I’d hoped would be our earliest possible time.

I’d had half a plan to drive past the camp on the way back from Ali’s and see if I could spot Davies. Having spoken to the camp leader on Monday evening and been reassured he was doing fine and was happy but they weren’t planning on letting him ring me til Wednesday (I did say ‘but if he asks for his phone…?’ and didn’t actually get a reply) I was feeling a bit desperate for information and thought seeing him through the trees running about happily would appease me. I wasn’t sure of the wisdom of this, both from a getting caught and creating problems for Davies / getting accuses of being a paedophile / stalker / bloody weirdo and in the end Scarlett fell asleep in the car so it became a non-possibility anyway.

Ady got home about 10 minutes after us so there was happy reunion and he was made to sit through our pictures and accounts of our trip. Scarlett had eggs on toast for tea (enjoying the symmetry of having had them for breakfast) and a bath (to wash the tiger poo off her feet!) and then was a complete bugger to get to bed / sleep thanks to her nap in the car.

I buckled and rang the camp leader and left a message asking for a call back to see how Davies was doing, which she did. I think she thinks I’m her new best friend actually as she was asking all about Marwell 😆 She said she doesn’t mind at all being rung and assured me Davies was doing fine and she will try and get him to ring me later today. They are at Chessington today which I am a bit wobbly about. Partially because it is something I wanted to do with him and partially because of all the coach trip on motorway / getting lost while there type potential for it to go wrong. I do hope he’s had an amazing day there though as he does love theme parks. And it will be nice to take him again during term time when he won’t have to queue for everything.

Ady had been to see my parents on Monday evening and they’d been praising Davies for going to camp as one of Dad’s concerns is that he is too clingy to me and a ‘bit of a Mummy’s boy’. Interestingly while I was chatting to Ady about how well Davies is getting on with the other lads there (according to the leader) and then speculated that maybe this would spark an interest in trying school Ady said that was one of the things my parents had said. Of couse mine was said with slight dread, their’s apparently with tremendous glee… I hope he’s had a ball and enjoyed all the good side of being with other kids all day long without any of the crappy side of school and realises he’s not missing much and can get all he wants from stuff like this anwyay. Am desperate to hear Davies’ take on all this sort of stuff.

So, a lovely couple of days away. Still madly missing Davies although actually it wasn’t a trip he would have gotten nearly as much out of as Scarlett did and it was cool to enjoy it through her eyes only really. I now feel less like I’ve lost a child and more like I’ve forgotten to turn the gas off or lock the back door. Something is clearly troubling me and making me feel edgy and like I’m missing something but it’s not the all consuming angst that it was during the first couple of days.

Thank you so much to Ali and Freya for their company and generosity 🙂 xxx

Ady and Scarlett went off to a car boot sale this morning. I was awake before they went and debated calling down to them to wait for me and I’d go with them and then I remembered that actually I don’t really like car boot sales. So I didn’t.

Instead I had two cups of tea, did some moping, painted the remaining twiddly bits of the shed, had another cup of tea, moped a bit more and played bejeweled while the paint dried, had another brief mope and then went outside to complete the shed.

Ady and Scarlett returned while I was hammering in the beading to keep the glazing in. The chickens were really pissed off at the whole business. Last night they were mildy annoyed about the the banging on the patio, slightly riled at being put away early and faintly cross about the continued banging after we’d put them to bed. Today they went further through the spectrum beginning with low level outrage at the appearance of a shed in their area overnight (that’d explain the banging) and then I continued to do further noisy stuff with tools. Eventually by the time Ady had spent all afternoon in there removing all their old hutches, installing the shed on paving slabs and we’d put them all away in the new shed under protest they were forming a committee, signing a petition about chickens rights, emailing Hugh Fearnley Whittingstall and planning a bubble blowing flashmob event during a one week egg strike (bubbles – symbol of freedom and liberty you know ;)).

Shed construction was my end of the deal, Ady had to do all the actual siting the shed, setting it up and clearing up around it. Scarlett helped and I spent most of the day played bejeweled, cooking a roast dinner and a bit more light moping. Oh and I made brownies too.

At about 3pm I decided to write to Davies and did a quick note then nipped out to try and find one of the postboxes that has a Sunday collection. Except there aren’t any 🙁 I tried the main ;post office in Lancing which has Saturday midday as it’s last time. So I drove into Worthing which also has Saturday lunchtime. Ah well, I tried.

I had to pull over while driving though to take a phone call from Ady who was ringing to say Davies had rung home and was talking to Scarlett. I was too far away to get home so said I’d ring Davies back shortly and did so. He was really buoyant and happy, very upbeat, telling me all about what he’d had for dinner (chicken curry and rice – would NEVER have tried that at home), the names of all the other boys in his tent, a night walk they’d been on last night followed by hot chocolate, that he’d not slept well as they are straight on the tent floor rather than on air beds, that he’d had a huge breakfast, nice lunch and bought sweets from the tuck shop. He told me about the activties they’d been doing today and various other stuff and was very happy. I felt about a million times better and came home to find Ady feeling the same.

We had dinner and sat and chatted about leaving home and growing up and other landmark stuff. Scarlett had a shower and I had just poured a glass of wine and was halfway through taking my nail varnish off and repainting my nails before reading Scarlett a story when the phone rang. It was Davies and his voice broke as he said ‘hello’. He said ‘Mummy I want you…’ I asked if he wanted me to come and get him and he said ‘yes’ so I said I’d be there in 20 minutes, hung up and grabbed the car keys. All a total overreaction of course and I should have handed the phone to Ady so he could carry on talking to him while I drove, except of course deep down I was only too happy to go and get him.

Ady rang me on the way so I pulled over and he said the camp leader had rung straight back to say don’t come, he’ll be fine but if you come he’ll only want to come home. That of course made me even more determined to go to him so I carried on driving. I arrived to be greeted at the gate by two leaders who really, really didn’t want me to go in at all. They said it would cause problems with all the other homesick children who they’d not let ring home and Davies had only been allowed to ring because they thought he was fine. I insisted that I had full intentions of persuading him to stay but I needed to see him as I’d promised if he rang and said he wanted me I’d be there.

Reluctantly they let me in and brought him out to me. Their aim was for him to have a quick cuddle and then go back in, they had no intention of letting me talk to him alone and I could feel the vibes of ‘come on, sod off home again!’ coming off them. They did start to lead him off again after a brief cuddle but I called him back as I was not happy he wasn’t just doing as he felt he was under pressure to do so we had another huge cuddle and he sobbed on my shoulder. I asked him in a low voice if anything had happened or he needed to tell me anything and he said no. He looked incredibly tired. I explained, as much for the leaders’ benefit as his that it was his call; if he wanted to come home now that was fine and I’d take him home but if he wanted to stay that was also fine but it was 100% his decision. He said he wanted to do both so I said that wasn’t possible and he tearfully but firmly decided he wanted to stay. He perked up, we agreed that tomorrow I wouldnt be able to come to him but Daddy would and that he’d ring me tomorrow after canoeing. Eventually, a lot happier he headed back for hot chocolate and bedtime.

I stood for nearly another hour chatting to the overall leader. She said she’d been really impressed with Davies today; he’d been really interested and participating in everything. She said he’d been great with a couple of the homesick children, so much so that one of them had requested to sleep in Davies’ tent and they’d moved him in so he could be with Davies. She couldn’t believe I’d let him make the decision about staying or the thought process he’d gone through to decide to stay. I said that was always the way we did things and decisions like that should always be his and he should always be listened to. I agreed his phonecall had probably been a wobble and a knee jerk moment rather than a considered and thought out decision but that I would always trust him to know better than anyone else what was best for him and what he wanted.

We chatted at length about Home Ed which she was very interested in and hopefully she will respect any further things Davies does or says. She rang me shortly after I got home to tell me he was fast asleep and that either they or he would ring me tomorrow afternoon for an update. I’m very hopeful it will be Davies who rings.

I suspect that will be his sole wobble. He needed to know I was true to my word – if he asked me to come, I would come and of course I did. One of the reasons we were all okay (ish) about this camp was that it was just down the road so that if he needed to do this he could. I’m glad it happened; I’m glad he did miss me and home as it made me feel like he was still being Davies rather than some strange child who suddenly had stacks of bravado, I hope it bolstered his resolve that he is in the place he wants to be through active choice and of course it did mean I got a cuddle!

It’s all being a bit of a rollercoaster and I’m utterly exhausted.

Saturday I worked in the morning. I spent quite a bit of time on the enquiry desk. I’d been deliberately kept away from the Summer Reading Challenge as Abi was worried I’d ignore children wanting to talk to me about books they’d read in favour of cross examining them about whether they thought 8 year olds should run off to camp and leave their poor mothers for a whole week! 😆

I talked to a retired lady about the local U3A which has really taken off and I think is an amazing and inspirational thing. I confessed I was looking forward to being old if there was all this on offer :). I also helped an elderly couple who were changing bank accounts and really struggling to find addresses for all the places that paid money into their account to change the details. They were very vague and I really hope I did give them all the correct addresses for companies. I’m sure their own bank could provide such details but he was very cagey about asking them, I think assuming they would be unhelpful as he was closing that account. It was very quiet in the libarary and I was glad not to be working all day as I suspect it would have really dragged.

I had an interesting chat with a new colleague about Home Ed – the usual questions but she seemed genuinely interested. I’m always shocked at the surprise people show at parents actually wanting to spend time with their children though. I also chatted to the Saturday assistant at teabreak. She is 17 and has just come back from two weeks staying with her brother and his family in America.

Back home the countdown was in full swing and we did final packing up of stuff, I ran through once again with Davies how he could come home any time, he wasn’t to be made to feel he had to do anything he didn’t want to do, by adults or other children and that he was going to have fun and enjoy not endure the week. Really struggled to find the balance between openly listing all the things I am privately fretting about and therefore turning him off the whole idea and not feeling like I’d sufficiently prepared him to deal with anything bad happening should it do so.

Finally it was 230 and time to head off. We arrived at the camp dead on 3pm and joined the queue of people checking in. Davies was issued with a programme for the week, name badge and camp t shirt. We handed in his mobile phone and his pocket money for the week and then took him to his tent to settle in. He’s in a tent of 6 boys – 3 Badgers (so other 8-10 year olds) and 3 cadets (10-16 year olds). The other 2 Badgers are twins, one of whom he does know from his Badgers in Worthing after he joined Worthing earlier this year. His twin still goes to Littlehampton Badgers where they live but D was being bullied there so moved across to Worthing. Their Dad is one of the parents I chat to each week and they arrived as we left. Davies doesn’t really have much to do with D I don’t think normally but at least it is the only other person from Badgers he knows in his tent (They are the only two from Davies’ Badgers there this week). Two of the three cadets were already there – the Tent Leader, a large lad dressed in a pink cardidan and with a pink suitcase (can;t decide if I like the idea of him being with someone so obviously quirky or whether this worries me) and a very stroppy and quite hard looking lad of about 13 who barely acknowledged us.

I had a quick look through the programme, helped Davies put his sleeping bag out and then as we were clearly in the way we left. I gave Davies a hug and felt like I was utterly abandoning him despite all the ‘he’ll be fine’s echoing around from various people. He looked rather shell-shocked and I think it had started to sink in with him just what a huge thing this was he was doing.

I managed to hold it together all the way off the field until we were in the car when Scarlett suddenly looked at me and said ‘mummy, you’re crying!’ at which point I gave in to sobbing 🙁

This whole thing is just so huge. Davies only had his first ever night away from home last month and that was for 12 hours with someone he knows and loves in a house he’s very comfortable in with people I trust 100% to look after him and care about him. This is plonking him in a field with over 100 people none of whom either he or I have ever met before. He might hate the food, not be able to wash the shampoo out of his hair properly, not manage to work his mobile phone even if he wants to ring me, get bullied for being short / home educated / not able to read very well / having an odd name / me calling him ‘Baby’ when I put his sleeping bag out for him / any of the 3 million other things that make him Davies. He might get hurt / scared / lonely and I won’t be there to know that and give him a cuddle / touch his hair as he walks past me / just notice he’s being a bit quiet / any of the other small, inconsequential things I do probably 100s of times each day without even thinking about and he probably relies on me to do without even thinking about either.
They are going on several day trips – this involves coach trips (one of them on motorways), being out in public places where he could get lost / have to cross roads.

Davies went off, proudly wearing his ‘I can’t go to school, I’m autodidactic’ tshirt. When I was at school being different was the worst possible thing to be. I was short, freckly, ginger haired, had well off parents and was quite bright – some of these I could, and did, hide. Others I was less able to secrete but I knew that blending in and being like everyone else as much as possible was the key to survival. Neither of my children are any good at being like anyone else or blending in. They are proud of the differences that make them individuals and I have fostered that knowing that in adulthood being proud of who you are rather than how like other people you are is a great skill.

My problem is that I haven’t done my job properly at all in preparing Davies for any of this. I’ve been focussing on honing and developing and nurturing all the things that I believe he’ll need in adulthood, when he is independant and off on his own. If he’d gone to school I’d have focussed on skills for surviving school but he isn’t so I’ve not bothered. I’m now worried that in ignoring all of that he won’t be ready for this experience.

And all of that is quite aside from the fact that I, personally, selfishly, am missing him like crazy. Because quite apart from dedicating the last nine years to being Davies’ mother and now feeling really rather lost without him around to need mothering aswell as loving Davies I really quite like him a lot too. He is a nice person to be round, I enjoy his company. He makes me laugh, entertains me, holds engaging conversations with me and is very intuitive and thoughtful of how I’m doing. And I get all this from him for about 14 hours a day or more, most days. So I have this great big Davies shaped hole next to me, an empty hand where normally I’d be holding his.

If I was utterly confident he was off having a wonderful time,if all my fears about what could go wrong could be allayed and I was just having to get over my own feelings of missing him I think I could cope with this a lot better. On that basis I suspect when he next goes off, as I know he will, I will be far better able to deal with all this. I am just feeling the massive implications from knowing that whatever happens this week nothing will ever quite be the same again. Hopefully this will all be for the good in the same way that with your toddlers first steps you are thrilled whilst knowing it’s the end of dependancy on you to move them about and you’ll have to start being more careful about where you leave stuff. Or when a teen leaves home and you are so excited for them off on the beginning of their life journey but at the same time feeling the emptiness of not having them resident in your home any more.

So we went to Sainsburys for a few bits and obviously in my wobbly and tear stained state we bumped into someone I know – a local HEor that I’ve not seen for ages but had only been talking about earlier this week to someone. Nice to see her though.

Back home again I continued to feel sorry for myself so decided to put together the new chicken shed. I rang my Dad to ask for a loan of his tools and he came over to help. We struggled with it a bit and it got dark before we completely finished but it was an ideal distraction therapy.

My Mum came over too and we had dinner, all the while with me watching the screensaver on my laptop of photos, most of which of course featured Davies from tiny baby up to recently. Not sure whether that helped or not really…

I was exhausted so went off to bed fairly early.

A work all day day for me today. Thanks to various rota based jiggery pokery I worked with NC again today. In a team of just 4 or 5 people having to work with one I struggle with so much really taints the day.

It was mostly fine though – I did Baby Rhyme time and then went out at lunchtime to buy stamps, writing paper and envelopes for Davies to take to camp with him.

Our resident elderly gentleman with altzheimers was around all afternoon. He said he’d forgotten his glasses when he first came in, then proceeded to come back to the desk no less than 4 times to ask whether his glasses had been handed in. At one point I assured him they were at home and he got very suspicious and narrowed his eyes at me and said ‘How do you know that?’.

I had a long phone conversation with someone who wanted to order a novel in in Spanish as he felt the translated version was rubbish and wanted to engage me in discussions about books in foreign languages. My only real knowledge in this area comes from my Tricolore French text book when I was 13 and possibly The Giants and The Joneses which has much referencing of IgglyPlops. I am perhaps not the best person to chat to about such things 😆

I then spent ages looking at fantasticfiction and ordering all the upcoming chicklit books to ensure I am high on the waiting list and therefore get brand new copies.

Ady took Davies and Scarlett to work with him all day today. He was doing price surveys which is sort of Mystery Shopper style work which doesn’t involve him having to actually talk to anyway and the children actually assist in a cover of him wandering round garden centres, especially in school holidays. They had a nice day although Scarlett said she missed me and had drawn me a little picture of her crying looking at a picture of her and I together :(. Much though I am going to miss Davies (about as much as if someone cut my arm off I suspect) I am quite looking forward to the one to one time with Tarly.

They all got home about five minutes after I did. Davies had taken his mobile phone out with him for the day so I’d had various text messages from him throughout the day which was very sweet and slightly unnerving. I hope he is equally as communicative next week ;).

Scarlett and I nipped out again to Sainsburys for a couple of things and to B&Q for some paintbrushes and some wood treatment. We also had a quick look round the aquatics shop next door to Sainsburys where Scarlett chatted to the man who worked there about lobsters and rays.

Back home again and the kids and I painted our new mini shed with green wood preserver. It’s a water damaged B&Q bargain of a ‘lads shed’ which is going to be our new chicken house.

Was quite tempted to pick up on our chicken song curriculum by painting our left knees green but decided Davies turning up at camp with a green knee might mark him out as different ;).

The kids had their tea and then came out to join me for the last panel of painting and then we came back inside and played one game of a Very Hungry Caterpillar board game Davies wanted to play before they got into pjs and I read them which was very lovely.

I’m very torn between not wanting tomorrow to come and wanting it to bloody hurry up and get here so we can move on past it as quick as possible. Davies is very excited and that is making me feel much better, if he was having reservations it would be much harder to put on a brave face and convince him, as it is I am quite capable of being happy for him and excited on his behalf whilst knowing its perfectly okay to be feeling sad about missing him.

We went to Fishbourne Roman Palace today as they have ‘Funtime Thursdays’ running throughout the Summer holidays.

We tend to go at least once most years and as if you can declare gift aid you get a pass valid for a year. I was trying to jog Davies and Scarlett’s memories about the place this morning and eventually Davies said ‘do you mean that place we’ve been to with Elinor a couple of times?’ – clearly it’s all about the company! 😆

We got up and ready late so were already nearly 40 minutes later than my initial plan to collect Tasha and co. The traffic was bad so it was nearly midday before we actually arrived. It was not as good as previous times we’ve visited actually although the activities and crafts were different there was not so many enthusiastic volunteers as usual.

The children did some making little lavender bags

and chatted to the woman running it about how we make lavender shortbread. Davies also correctly identified rosemary when she was showing them various herbs.

Next they did some mosaic making

and then lots of clay stuff. They could make medallions, coil pots or oil lamps. All of the children made all of the things. I think I stood at that table for nearly an hour!

There were a couple of other activities on offer – some using yarn including a Gods Eye on two lolly sticks, which neither of my two wanted to do and some braid making in the same way we’d learnt to do at the Rare Breeds show a few weeks ago so they weren’t interested in that either. There was also a Roman School bit but none of the children wanted to do that either.

They did spend some time at the ‘scribe’ bit with the very enthusiastic American volunteer and wrote their names on wax slates before writing them with ink made from soot and water.

I was explaining to Scarlett about pen strokes and joined up writing and grabbed a pencil and paper to demonstrate which had the woman asking me if I was a teacher. I replied no and then corrected that with ‘but I do Home Educate my children, so I guess I am in a way’ which had her gushing about people she knew back home who HE’d. It’s not the first time I’ve been asked if I’m a teacher just from people overhearing me talking with Davies and Scarlett which makes me curious about what I do differently to other parents given I don’t feel at all teacher-y.

We decided to have lunch and sat out on the grass to eat. The kids had icecreams and then we went back inside for another look around. This time the boys had some time dressing up

Which Scarlett declined. Made me laugh when the volunteer tried to tempt her with ‘you can be a princess!’ – highly unlikely to lure Scarlett to anything! 😆

She and I did a puzzle instead for which she flatly refused to use the clues

We had a quick look outside and then were gathered up by a woman dressed up with a board advertising storytelling. She took us all off to a classroom and told a couple of stories of myths and legends including medusa. My phone rang four times during that 15 minutes so I spent most of the time excusing myself and going outside (I was sat at the back and I did have it on silent so I was disturbing anyone). It was 2 people ringing me twice each I hasten to add, even with my minor celebrity status I’m not that much in demand ;).

The children took forever in the gift shop to spend the £1.50 each which was all I had left in my pocket. Davies bought a crystal, Scarlett spent ages deliberating and even enlisted the help of a random woman who stepped in when my patience for standing around was running out and eventually decided to take the money instead :).

Home via dropping Tasha and co off and taking a quick but pointless peep at the new Asda which has opened in Lancing as it was heaving with all of Lancing and had very empty shelves so we left without purchasing and Ady picked up the few things we needed on the way home instead.

I spent a couple of hours baking – I made meringues and jam tarts thanks to excess pastry and egg whites from making quiche, all of which went down very well. Dinner was quiche with our own eggs, potatoes from the garden and sweetcorn we picked yesterday followed by meringues with our eggs and raspberries and blackberries either from our garden or from PYO yesterday – jam tarts were with my strawberry and chili jam too. I am practically Barbara Goode ;).

Davies and I gathered all his clothing for camp, will pack it up properly tomorrow (sob!) and I read some of The Giants and the Joneses.

I worked this morning. It went fairly quickly but I am feeling fairly uninspired at the moment. The nightmare colleague isn’t helping and she was in today although she wouldn’t normally be so that wrongfooted me. I did snap at her rather too when she annoyed me which actually might be preferable to pussyfooting round her and internalising all about her that winds me up. I’d also snapped at someone who had parked way too close to the edge of my drive in a great big camper van which meant pulling out at a dodgy angle with zero visibility round her big van. We live opposite a doctors surgery which appears to not have sufficient parking so our street gets used as a carpark with no concern or courtesy for us residents.

Julie had Davies and Scarlett so Ady took them there on his way to work and I headed over when I finished at 1pm. Quite nice to be in the car all alone for half an hour or so and listen to what I want on the cdplayer (Deacon Blue this afternoon for anyone interested).

They’d had a lovely morning all playing together out in the garden and it’s lovely to see Lorna becomming part of the dynamic too.I have far more of a relationship with her myself than I did with Jack and Maisie when they were small – although I do have a relationship with both of them now they are older and Maisie will often come for a cuddle and Jack and I laugh at the same things quite a lot it’s been a slow paced thing whereas Lorna is quite happy to have cuddles from me now :).

I arrived and Julie was in a flat spin about totally overcommitting herself for the afternoon so we headed straight out again and we followed her to the stables. I sat in my car parked next to hers watching over a sleeping Lorna while Julie fed and mucked out Honey and the four older children played on the muck heap.

Next we went to her mechanics for a new windscreen to be fitted for her where I completely cocked up driving in and kept going way past the sensible place to turn round and ended up in a car lot with zero manouvering space doing a 23 point turn to get my bus of a car turned round with a nice big audience of blokey mechanics. Davies and Scarlett joined in with my chant of ‘oh bloody bum!’ 😆

Julie then transfered all car seats and children into a courtesy car and we headed off to PYO. We had a very nice couple of hours there picking apples, raspberries and sweetcorn :).

We had a detour home due to a closed road so it was a hasty tea and then a pile of books including some ex-library books I’d picked up to keep: which was gorgeous, I love Colin Thompsons writing and illustrations, for pure silliness and then in response to begging for ‘one more story pleeeeease’ I read which is just fab and we’d really recommend :).

Ady spent some time gathering things like a holdall and a groundsheet that are on Davies’ kit list. He has most things ready now but we need to check he has 7 pairs of trousers to take (they need a change of clothes for each day) and label everything. We also put some credit on a free sim card in one of our old phones so he needs to practise gettiing his sleeping bag in and out of the stuff sack and making phone calls. Way too many landmark moments all at once.

Davies and Scarlett had a sleepover in Davies’ bedroom last night. It’s really strange, I’ve always valued own space and remember as a child feeling very fortunate to have my own bedroom when so many of my friends had to share bedrooms with siblings. It was one of the things I was adamant about before we had children -that they would each have their own bedroom and space to call totally their own. Davies and Scarlett do indeed have that with their bedroom each and they enjoy ownership of their own spaces that they need to grant permission to each other and any friends who come round to enter and can retreat to when they feel the need for their own company and some space and privacy. But in doing so they often crave the sharing of a room that some of their friends have with siblings…

Often after being away camping where they either share a pod with each other or we are all in together, but either way Davies and Scarlett will have gone to sleep sharing a double camping map and lying next to each other until the first falls asleep they will request a ‘sleepover’ at home. This is fairly straightforward as Davies has two mattresses on his bed so it’s a simple case of tugging one off onto the floor and Scarlett bringing her bedding up. They don’t want to share a room all the time but I suspect would like to have sleepovers pretty much every night if we agreed to it.

So they had a late-ish night last night and this morning was a lazy start as a result. We set the radio up in the lounge so we could all listen to Ali, Freya and a few other localish folk we don’t know do a fine job of being interviewed on the radio about Home Ed. While that was on I set to putting together the unnecessarily flatpacked and non-assembled bits of our smoker which Ady had made sufficient hints about me putting together which I’d not picked up until he came right out last night and asked ‘so are you going to put it together or what then? You know I’m no good at that sort of thing!’ 😆

I did various loads of washing and tent airing and we had lunch. Scarlett had been busy with the lego and they’d spent some time playing in Davies’ bedroom while I got on with things.

We then headed over to Elizabeth’s house for the afternoon. Davies and Scarlett met and made friends with Matthew at Forest School – he is just 8 so a little younger than Davies and his brother Thomas is 5 so a shade younger than Scarlett. They’d bonded less with Thomas but liked Matthew so much they’d asked me to speak to his Mum and see if we could arrange to see him again. We met at the park a few weeks ago and had arranged to visit them at their house two weeks ago but then Joyce came so I blew them out in favour of my imaginary friend from 500 miles away and rescheduled for today instead.

We got there about 230 and didn’t end up leaving until 730pm! Davies spent some time playing by himself with their impressive lego collection but was quite content and had just removed himself from a game he wasn’t enjoying and then joined back in again when the rest of them moved on. They have the most wonderful next door neighbours (retired couple) who adore their boys and have put a gate between their gardens and opened their garden out to the children to use too so Davies and Scarlett were in their element playing outside for the whole time pretty much.

I had some really interesting getting to know you chats with Elizabeth who I warmed to lots thanks to all the flattering things she had to say about how great Davies and Scarlett are 🙂 😉

Once home, where Ady had beaten us again the kids had a quick wash and got into pjs then Ady read them some Charlie Small while I got the dinner on and had a bath.

Davies and I had an interesting conversation about how much I’d miss him while he’s away. We decided it was like when I go to work – he’d really rather I didn’t but he knows I get a lot out of it so although he misses me he wouldn’t want to stop me from going as that would be selfish and he appreciates what we all get out of me working. I am going to miss him terribly but that is my issue and all he needs to take from that is to know I love him and to go and have a fantastic time – I can do enough missing for the both of us freeing him up to concentrate on enjoying it and bringing back loads to tell me when he gets home :). I love that he is able to have me flinging myself on him saying ‘Oh Davies, I don’t want you to go!’ without that making him feel bad or guilty, just loved :).

I have however been gauging how slowly this week goes from Saturday to see how it will feel….can’t believe it’s still only Tuesday…

Just incase any of you have missed this on various lists…

There is a plan for a national Not Back to School Picnic event with bubble blowing at 2pm throughout the UK on Wednesday 16th September.

A yahoo group has been set up to coordinate and plan events across the UK and we already have several confirmed planned events in parks across the country.

The plan is to celebrate not going back to school, to create a united front across the country, raise awareness of Home Ed generally and of course continue to protest about the review.

To see if anything has been set up in your area or indeed to start setting one up (‘old hands’ of the Brighton Bubble event around to help with planning/ contacting media etc.) please come and join the group at notbacktoschoolpicnic