Thursday we had been planning to attend a weekly HE get together in some localish woods for den building, bushcraft and stuff. We’ll only ever be able to make it fortnightly as it’s on Thursdays which I work every other of but it sounds like a really nice gathering with a good mix of people including interesting adults and similarly natured outdoorsy, adventurous kids.
But Davies had woken still feeling rough (strongly suspect he had too much sun and not enough to drink on Wednesday) so we’d cancelled that arrangement. After ponderings the previous evening and chatting to various people along with some soul searching I talked to Davies and Scarlett about Candle and with many tears we came to the decision it was right to ask a vet to assist with letting her rest in peace rather than exist in pain and indignity. We had initially agreed to give her one last weekend with us but as Scarlett and I watched Candle struggle to find the litter tray and then collapse in it and have to be helped back to standing Scarlett agreed the time was right and we rang the vets to make an appointment for that afternoon.
I spent some time getting my new sewing machine working and made a couple of bags. Am really pleased with it and have ordered a load of books from work to make some sewing projects. The mood at home was quite strange and all of us were watching the clock a lot.
I’d decided to just let Candle rest but one hour before we were due to leave for the vets she suddenly got up and made her way over towards the sofa we were all sitting on. I suspect she was seeking the patch of sunshine that comes in through the window. I took her onto my lap and she sat, being stroked by all three of us, purring and sitting on my lap in the sunshine for her final hour.
We took her in the car wrapped in a blanket, held by Scarlett and had to park in the road next to the vets and walk round. I was already crying by the time we arrived and the children were comforting me in the waiting room. The vet examined her and agreed she was both old and pretty ill and that euthanasia was the right decision in his opinion. He talked us through how it worked and brought a nurse in to assist. They did shave a patch on her leg but she was so skinny they couldn’t find a vein so in the end they injected into her kidney. The end was peaceful for Candle as she went from half sitting to lying down, to just falling asleep resting on my arm. It was less peaceful for the three of us with Davies holding up well but with tears streaming down his face, Scarlett openly sobbing and me doing much the same.
We had a few minutes alone with her once her heart had stopped beating and we all talked to her about how we had loved having her as our pet. It was just incredibly hard and I was torn in all directions between comforting the children, wanting to bury my face in her fur and feeling dreadful about being the one to make the final decision and sign the paperwork. Yesterday I was feeling sad about losing Candle, today I am feeling more positive about having enjoyed being her owner for 15 years and remembering good things about her long and good life rather than the last few weeks. I read somewhere that cats who get to be old, decrepid, blind and so on are to be celebrated because it goes to show what a long and healthy life they have led to have reached such an old age to be suffering from such ailments when so few cats get that far.
As we left the vets, cradling Candle’s body all wrapped up in the blanket with all three of us tear sodden and devastated we walked straight into the mass exodus from the local school, including several attendees of Chatterbooks. We all kept our heads down and although I recognised several children they either didn’t spot us in the post-school melee or read that this was not a good time.
We got home and put Candle to rest in the sunshine waiting for Ady to come home. Scarlett was a strange mix of devastated and fascinated and did a rather thorough examination of her body including inside her mouth. Davies confessed he didn’t like looking at her body but felt her soul had left taking all that was good about her life with it and leaving all that was bad, including blindness and pain of illness behind.
The rest of the day passed with plenty more crying and feeling sad. Ady arrived home and dug a grave for Candle next to Malice in a sunny spot in the garden. Davies and Scarlett had another sleepover. Everyone felt very emotionally drained and we were all in bed and asleep way earlier than normal.
Friday Work for me today. Caz was kindly having Davies and Scarlett over to play with Archie and Eliot in the morning so we drove to their house and dropped D&S off before driving back again to the library. Apparently they spent some time on the beach and had icecreams :). Ady collected them at lunchtime and they did a couple of store visits before coming home for tea.
My work day was fine, I did Baby Rhyme Time, at which we had no babies at all but 8 children of various ages between 2 and 5 – some good singing and instrument playing but hardly the intended target audience. I put up a dinosaur display and chatted to the Childrens Librarian about Chatterbooks and the Summer Reading Challenge (space theme this year). I was feeling quite glad to be at work but quite exhausted at the same time. I don’t do pathetic really, I promise this won’t last.
Back home Ady was sorting tea for the children. I had a quick catch up with them and then went and had a lovely long bath. They had a third sleepover (Scarlett back to her own bed tomorrow, they have exhausted the novelty now I think and are getting cross with each other now they are finally tired but are preventing each other from going to sleep).
I made pizzas for dinner and we have sort of watched 2012 although it’s not really holding my attention and Ady keeps dozing off. The special effects are excellent but so good as to be totally unrealistic and there is far too much screaming and shouting for my liking.