The (festive Nativity) version (of) Merry was visited by the Angel (Fairy Godmother) Alison of Portico all bathed in a shining light.
“You will have a(nother) child” said she from on high (well Reading actually!)
“But those dates just don’t add up” said The Version Merry “I was at Melrose then. How can this be?”
Angel Alison said unto her “This child will be special. Many will await her birth with eager anticipation. When she is born the message will ring throughout the land via text message and blog announcement. She will help spread the word of Home Education and continue the power of the Hama for many years to come”
The Version Merry told her husband, Max and somehow he bought into the story despite the dates not quite adding up!
Later that year, when Merry was heavy with child it came to pass that the evil government wanted to take a register of HomeEducating families. Merry and Max had to travel to Sheffield to be counted, as that is where all the Home Educators seem to come from. They visited Steve Clarke’s Quality Used Donkeys where they chose a suitable beast to aid and assist them on their journey and off they set.
It was a cold and long and tiresome and weary journey. It seemed to be made even longer by the fact they had to constantly blog about whether or not the baby had been born yet! But on they travelled until finally they reached Meltham where they needed to stop for the night, to rest, recuperate and hopefully find somewhere to plug in their laptop for an internet connection.
It was late and dark when they arrived at the ‘Off The Path quality guest house and inn’ and when they knocked on the door. It was answered by the interchangable Inn Keeper Jan-othan (sometimes a man, sometimes a lady depending on which computer they were using)
“Sorry, there’s no room at the inn” said Jan-othan, “we are full to bursting with Home Educators from all around who are here filming a reality TV show. The Berisford and Clarke families also guest staring the Pollards have taken all the rooms along with the camera man, lighting and sound engineer and the producer and director. The only space we have left where you could sleep is in the stables round the back”
Merry and Max and the quality used donkey duly went round the back to the stable. Luckily it had recently been fitted out by Jax and had a fully operational IT section so they were able to blog and let everyone know they had arrived safely. Merry crafted a manger from hama beads while Joyce the chamber maid popped in to ensure the toilet facilities were adequate (and that everyone had washed their hands!) and they settled down to await the arrival of their baby.
Meanwhile out on a hillside a group of Home Educators were having a field trip with their flocks of children. They were learning all about wildlife and camping. Suddenly the sky was filled with a beautful light and singing came from on high and a vision appeared to the families on the hillside of an angel. She was called Karen and she came to send them a sign (Karen knew about signs, she could do ‘milk’, ‘finished’ and ‘play’), but as none of them could do signing she had to tell them verbally:
“A baby will be born this night, in a stable. This will be a special baby who will help to spread the word of Home Education. Aside from anything else visiting a new baby in a stable is pretty good for ticking off lots of educational boxes, and its a bloody sight warmer in the stable than it is on this hillside, so why don’t you all come and have a peep?”
“Oh yeah, and er, do not be afraid too!”
Just as suddenly as she had come the Angel Karen was gone again. The families herded up their children and shepherded them down the hillside to visit the stable. They were quite a tribe – the Wellyboots was their name. There were five of them in a row.
The Wellyboots arrived at the stable just after Kirsty and her family (well she did prefer to get there B4FIAR!) and Barbara who also lived quite nearby. They had been alerted by the musical instruments played by the Scream Team provided by Bonners Music that there was something going on in the stable.
Meanwhile again, far away in the East (well Reading again actually) some wise and pedantic men were travelling. They were Chris, Chris, Tim and Simon (Chris and Tim had been travelling from the north but they didn’t have a map and refused to ask for directions, until finally they met Layla, who was excellent at telling people exactly where to go so she sent them off with Chris and Simon). They needed to follow a star, but there was some disagreement about it. Tim thought they should Follow The Star, Chris argued that as there were more than just the one star they should be follwing a star, Chris was concerned about whether they had brought enough nappy wraps for the new baby and Simon was busy telling Layla where she should go. Eventually they got scared enough of Layla to listen to what she said and off they set, following ‘the brightest fucking star you fuckwits’.
Meanwhile some more, back at the stable the baby had finally been born. Merry tenderly wrapped baby Jo-see in a Hesfes T shirt and a pink cord skirt, while Joyce ensured everyone had washed their hands before touching the baby, angels Alison and Karen flew overhead, the reality TV show people came along to record it all for educational purposes and the wise pedants arrived bearing gifts for the baby of nappy wraps, well taken photos in souvenier wallets of the whole scene and some arnica for bruising and birth trauma. Baby Josie softly cooed knowing that MuddlePuddle was safe for a further 8 years now that she had been born.
Merry Christmas.
ROFPMSL!!! That was so funny – well done Nic!
Comment by Kirsty — 20 December 2004 @ 8:40 am
It does appear to be the season to be jolly…..
What does follwing mean….not something I would say, surely.
Comment by Chris — 20 December 2004 @ 8:59 am
Laughing my socks off this early in the morning, crying and giving a standing ovation – that was brilliant Nic – I told you there are several books in you LOL
Comment by Karen b — 20 December 2004 @ 9:00 am
Giggling helplessly…. oh my, oh my…
(I only had another baby so i could keep MP going, how DID you know?)
And i have to say, the scene fits Jan-athons very well indeed!
Comment by Merry — 20 December 2004 @ 9:05 am
this festivity stuff is spreading isn’t it? I quite enjoyed that start to my day – ta.
Comment by jax — 20 December 2004 @ 9:15 am
Oh no, now I have another contender for ‘outstanding contribution to the MP Blogring in 2004’ !!
That was brilliant, really enjoyed it! Off to ping Steve relentlessly so he can read it too 😉
Comment by Sarah — 20 December 2004 @ 9:19 am
Oh, excellent, definitley a nomination candiate here. Just check your wraps 🙂
Comment by Chris F — 20 December 2004 @ 9:46 am
Brilliant, brilliant, briliant. Not often I litterally do ‘laugh out loud’.
Comment by Barbara — 20 December 2004 @ 10:10 am
It is nice that everyone knows each other so well. Very good!
Comment by Steve — 20 December 2004 @ 10:21 am
Love it! Must admit to sulking as I missed the bit where we are mentioned at first but later found us! I’m ALWAYS the last to know anything!
Comment by Roslyn — 20 December 2004 @ 10:30 am
Absolutely fantastic :0D
Comment by dottyspots — 20 December 2004 @ 12:38 pm
You know Nic I think you are definitely a candidate for putting on a small play/show with the kids at Melrose!
Comment by Karen b — 20 December 2004 @ 4:15 pm
Oh, how did I miss this earlier.I had to sit on the potty (elder stateswoman that I am, mother to you all etc etc), before I could tackle it. In fact, anf more like that, and I’ll be throwing the office chair away, and sitting on a commode ever ready.
Comment by Joyce — 20 December 2004 @ 4:20 pm
Damn, I knew it was a bad idea to do other stuff and not get round the blogring first thing in the morning!
Hilarious Nic – absolutely loved it – i’d just cleaned my glasses, and now I’ve cried so much laughing that I need to clean them again!
Merry Christmas to all of you, you daft bunch 🙂
Comment by Alison — 20 December 2004 @ 4:34 pm
pretty damn good 🙂
Merry Christmas!
Comment by layla — 20 December 2004 @ 5:40 pm
*Giggling like crazy* You mad woman!
Comment by June — 20 December 2004 @ 5:49 pm
Spot on
Comment by Simon — 20 December 2004 @ 5:58 pm
Fab Nic! Cheered up my day!
Comment by Jan — 20 December 2004 @ 7:43 pm
Excellent, if I post from my own laptop I appear as Jan 🙂
BTW the correct spelling is Janathan. OMG, that makes me an honarary pedant
__
Jonathan
Comment by Jan — 20 December 2004 @ 8:23 pm
Lovely 🙂
Comment by Tim — 20 December 2004 @ 11:03 pm