So my whole tent dilemma and another thread on a forum I visit, and some real life chats today has got me thinking about morals and rights and wrongs. Ady and I have been talking about The Law a fair bit recently too, mostly as criminal and civil law, statute and precedence have been things that have come up a lot in his Health & Safety study so we’ve debated and chatted about them.
I’ve been pondering whether children are born with some sort of inherant instinct of what is right and wrong or whether it is all learnt behaviour and regardless of whether it is nature or nurture what is it that holds people back from doing things they know are wrong, or indeed justifying doing them regardless.
My own upbringing, without making myself out to be spawn of the Great Train Robbers was probably a bit shady role model and lessons in right and wrong wise. I was certainly never encouraged to steal myself but I witnessed a fair bit of it, to gtreater and lesser degrees. However I also saw from the other side the impact of being stolen from when my parents house was very comprehensively burgaled. In the manner of most thieves there seemed to be some sort of odd code of conduct about when it was ‘ok’ to take what wasn’t yours and when it was. I confess to never quite getting my head round any of it and being a bit Saffy from Absolutely Fabulous about the whole thing really and sitting in judgement of them rather a bit.
I am certainly not a paragon of virtue and have my own skewed views on some things but I think I’m basically an honest person. I try really hard to be a good role model to Davies and Scarlett and can be pretty harsh about correcting them on rights and wrongs, talking lots about cause and effect, consequences to actions and so on. I think a lot of moral questions and our actual reactions are shades of grey like most things in life but it seems to be a pretty personal sliding scale and what keeps us on the straight and narrow seems equally personal too.
For me, I can probably trace back to one isolated incident my own fear of getting into trouble with authority. I watched in horror someone get caught red handed doing something wrong and the consequences unfold. For me the idea of being arrested by the police for some criminal act and being publically accused and found guilty of a wrongdoing would be the worst consequence. So perhaps it’s not so much as I said earlier that I’m basically honest, perhaps I am simply threatened so I toe the line.
For someone like me perhaps it is as well that we have the criminal justice system to keep me in order, perhaps I need law and order. Julie cited her Christian Upbringing as one of the things that keeps her in check today. I asked if it was as basic as worrying God was watching and she wouldn’t get into Heaven or something more complicated. She confessed to a brief rebellious stage in her youth once she’d gotten over her childish fear of just that but felt that the religious standards she was brought up with gave her a feel for right and wrong. For others there is the more worthy conviction that they would do unto others as they would wish done to them, but what gives them that conscience, what taught them those values? What happens when they are tested, what would be their stance if society crumbled? What if it was only theft and violence that would feed them and their loved ones or can they honestly say they percieve them and their loved ones needs as no greater priority than anyone else and they still would not steal?
I read somewhere, (I think it was a novel, might have been The Kiterunner, might not have been, and I might well be interpreting it differently to how it was written anyway) that stealing is the only crime. Whether you are stealing their belongings, their freedom, their voice, their wife or their life a crime always involves taking something from someone else. Which means to be a crime there must be a victim, so is it empathy for the victim that would stop, should stop the crime and either a lack of empathy or a perception that your need is greater that justifies a crime? When explaining right from wrong to a child we often use that example ‘think how X is feeling as a result of your actions’ as our most effective method of demonstrating why something is wrong.
So are you good? If so, why?
I was raised by parents who had very clearly defined morals. My mum once handed in a wallet we found on a train – a plain leather wallet with nothing in it but ten crisp tenners. We kids watched in dismay as she passed it out of the train window to a guard! We didn’t have much money at that time and she could certainly have used the cash – but it just didn’t occur to her to keep it.
My morailty is based around ‘do as you would be done by’. If asked for a reason why this should be done – as has happened occasionally with children – I have two reasons that are based around self-interest! The first is the simple one that if you treat people well they are more likely to treat you well. The second is that you will be happier if you treat other people well. I believe this to be so because we are social animals and we are mentally more healthy if we develop our skills of empathy.
But it is clear that what is deemed ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ changes hugely over time. That is fascinating for our kids. They were gripped by tales of public torture in Edinburgh of the seventeenth century!
Comment by Allie — 25 April 2007 @ 4:59 pm
I’m like Allie’s mum.
Comment by Roslyn — 25 April 2007 @ 7:07 pm
I’m good. I even ring my suppliers if they send me extra of something by mistake and tell them. I hate the idea of people ripping me off so i wouldn’t do it otherwise… there is the ODD occasion where i have, like the £30 in a card that came to our house with no return address…. but if i can fix, i do.
max once found a wallet with £400+ in it; we were skint at the time and it would have been tempting. He handed it in to a police station and the owner claimed it and sent us £100. I’m so glad we did as i’d have felt horrible keeping the £400 but enjoyed the £100 very much!
Comment by Merry — 25 April 2007 @ 8:32 pm
A couple of months ago in Argos on the floor by the jewellery counter I spotted a beautiful shiny silver (or white gold) ring with a large diamond. I watched it for ages half hoping that Richard would pick it up and put it in his pocket. Eventually I picked it up and handed it over and it was put into lost property. I actually felt good for the rest of the day and had images of the owners delight when they found it had been handed in. However, saying that, I still haven’t contacted anybody with regards to no money being taken for our broadband which we’ve had for about a year now.
Comment by Lucy — 25 April 2007 @ 9:20 pm