that endless daze, that total daze you gave me.
I’m thinking of the daze, I woun’t recall a single day believe me
daze I could be in all my life
daze where I don’t know day from night
I bless the sleep, I bless the sleep you give me…
dedicated to Davies and Scarlett 🙂
Yep, feel like I am wandering round in a perpertual daze really – only broken by occassional low points (several rants coming up) and the odd highlight (some examples if I can think of any!)
Feel really bad complaining really as Ady gave me a full nights sleep last night by attending to any wandering small people – I did wake feeling much better but within an hour of getting up I am feeling like someone has left the cellophane wrapping on me and I am just not working properly. Not helped by the fact I am wearing my glasses today – I have worn all day all night contact lenses for the last 2.5 years so had almost forgotten that I have crap eyesight as there is only the split second between whipping one out to be replaced with a new one once a month when I am not wearing them. Cannot believe how bad my eyesight is without them actually – or how trippy wearing glasses is. I’ve never really worn them before and it feels like being drunk – looking straight ahead is fine but the smallest sideways glance or look down at the keyboard without moving my head aswell makes me go all spinny.
Kids are acting like the ADHD boys in Desperate Housewifes due to neglectful parenting of only giving negative attention, the list of stuff I really should be doing is piling up and I have no motivation to do anything other than eat chocolate really.
Took the kids to Tescos this morning as needed a few bits, Scarlett fell asleep in the trolley which required a lot of odd trolley pushing on my part to keep her head supported by me somehow instead of letting it loll on the metal bar to be walloped every time the trolley went over a bump or collided with an old person’s trolley, spent much more than I should on tat and junk food. Home for lunch and we had a brief period of peace while we all played with geomags. Have snuck off to find something I can do with them which won’t require much brain power, mess or negotiation skills on my part.
Should be doing my online learning course – only one assessment and I have completed the first half – the second half looks much more interesting and is new stuff instead of rehashing bits and pieces I already half knew and covering the theory side of stuff. I also need to be reviewing a website for Boss Lady and thinking as to what I can offer her in terms of workload for a meeting we are supposed to be having in the next couple of weeks. Oh and I need to grovel to my parents to have the kids while I go to said meeting (which will be a trip up to London – so an all day longer babysitting grovel). Also have at least two other businessy things I should be doing – both of which answer all my dream job requitements but also require me to be getting off my arse and doing something about them, and the monthly juggling act of robbing Peter to pay Paul is sitting in my to do pile too.
Kids have won a reprieve from boarding school as even I can see that their behaviour is a reflection of mine, not the cause of it. What I really need is a day pass to freedom – just one day (well and one night too) to be Nic again instead of Mummy. Hopefully the trip to London, the need to wear something other than jeans and the idea that people looking at me wouldn’t necessarily know I had two small children hanging off me for most waking (and sleeping) moments might just be enough to pull me back into where I should be.
So, a rant or two –
I forgot to cancel the church hall we use for group the week we were at Melrose – totally my fault and if you’d asked me whether I had made that phonecall I would probably have assured you that I had – I just didn;t actually do it. Got home from Melrose to a very snotty answerphone message to say someone had waited an hour for me to turn up and they had had the heating on too 🙁 I rang straight away and apologied profusely, explaining it had been a total oversight on my part, nothing to do with the group and that if they fowarded the invoice to me personally I would cover the cost. The woman (who only takes care of the bookings of the church hall and does not actually own it and frankly could do with being a bit friendlier given the fact I am a CUSTOMER as in I am paying money in exchange for goods or services) did not really accept my apology well anyway and today the bill has arrived for the last three weeks and they have charged full price for the hall for that day including use of both halls and the kitchen when the weeks either side of it we only used one hall. So that leaves me £45 out of pocket 🙁 I have sent a cheque from the group for the two weeks we used the hall and a covering letter asking for a revised invoice for the group and one for me personally and very nicely saying that I felt it was slightly excessive to charge for two full hours and for all the halls but if they sent me a new bill I will pay it. Arse! Will not put an anti religious rant although I am sorely tempted to.
So to end on a happy note – while I was on my hands and knees picking up the crayons (for at least the 14th time in the last two days) Scarlett literally leapt on my back yelling ‘Fun. Horsey!’ which had all three of us helpless with laughter. I love them both lots, I would just like the chance to miss them once in a while…
Aw, Nic. TBH, I don’t know how you cope with that night after night. I don’t sleep much, but at least if I can’t sleep, I’m awake without kids, so it has some bonuses.
Comment by Joyce — 01 March 2005 @ 5:45 pm
Trip to London sounds good, especially if you can wangle an overnighter out of it 🙂
Hope you get another good night’s sleep tonight and feel better tomorrow.
Comment by Alison — 01 March 2005 @ 8:56 pm
oh, I would post an anti-religious rant, if I were you. That sort of thing really really bugs me, no wonder churches have a name for being legalistic and judgmental.
Hope you’re asleep already and stay that way until the morning 🙂
Comment by Sarah — 01 March 2005 @ 11:16 pm