Can’t say it’s been a good day particularly given all the various stuff going on but I feel remarkably unscathed considering.
Woke ridiculously early this morning (before 7!!!) by Ady who was struggling to get himself ready for work and see to Davies who was up early also and in need of love and cuddles. As I was still eating dinner at midnight, blogging at 1am and probably turned off the light and went to sleep well after 2am I am feeling fairly removed from reality anyway 🙁
Sat with Davies doing cuddling and then Tarly came and joined us. Davies requested Green Eggs and Ham so we set that up on Ady’s laptop and they played with that, Polly Pocket and a rare moment of activity brought out their ‘going on holiday’ game which seems to be a favourite currently and has them packing themselves up and travelling up and down the stairs. The suggestion by Davies of playing it was greeted by great joy from Tarly so clearly I am missing some obvious appeal! 😉
I got dressed, sorted out which of the outfits I was going to wear, practised my speech infront of the mirror feeling very loony and did more cuddling duty. Also spent a while on the phone to Jenny while Tarly ‘decorated’ herself with a variety of my make up 🙁
We shared a couple of slices of the very lovely apple pie and then Ady arrived home so I went and got dressed and as Tarly was making a big fuss about coming with me Ady distracted them and I went to wait for Mum, Dad and Frazer in the garden.
I drove us all over to Doreen (John’s partner)’s house and met up with her son and daughter in law and several of John’s friends. We were in the second black funeral car to the crematorium and I have never riden in one before. Astonishing how many looks you get and what people’s reactions are to seeing the procession of cars. I watched one student cross herself, several people catch sight of the cars and their facial expressions change to one of sorrow or reflection and lots of glances full of pity for the mourners contained within.
A bit of background necessary if this next bit is to make any sense – John was married to my Grandmother (Mum’s Mum) from when I was 6 months old to when I was about 12 or so. So he was sort of my Grandad for those early childhood years. He and Granny split up fairly bitterly but drifted in and out of touch over the years and even got back together a couple of times. They saw each other perhaps once a fortnight recently although John was sort of ‘with’ Doreen who he had met through some sort of OAP social dating agency type organisation (I believe they both liked Pina Coladas and getting caught in the rain!). They spent every evening together and went away for weekends but both went home to their own houses each night so their relationship was about companionship rather than any great romance. Granny and Doreen had never met although were aware of each other. My Mum and Granny have a strained relationship anyway and this whole thing has been very awkward as we were invited to Doreens, to go in the funeral cars and back there afterwards. Granny was not.
So she was there, with a friend for support and clearly feeling very excluded from everything and unsure of what to do. Coupled with the fact that she was totally devastated by his death as she truly did love him it was a very difficult day for her today. We all stood for a while and then I went over to see her. Frazer followed and then so did Mum and Dad. She asked who was Doreen so I pointed her out and then I got caught with the vicar doing the service.
There were 20 people attending and we were in a very small chapel. Granny ended up sitting directly behind Doreen and placed her hand on her shoulder and introduced herself and was pretty much blanked in return. Bearing in mind she probably knew all 20 of the people there and some of them would have attended her weddding to John 31 years ago it was very hard that no one spoke to her.
So the service was pretty basic, the vicar read out some words Doreen had relayed to him about who John was and then I said my piece. It was very well recived and jerked lots of tears, and very oddly lots of congratulations afterwards which seemed slightly inappropriate really.
Afterwards there was the same awkwardness with Granny returning to her car and Doreen being surrounded by her family and quite loudly being nasty about her being there and trying to introduce herself. I made a bit of a statement by going over to Granny and giving her the speech so she had the copy of it. I cannot bear the idea that an occassion such as a funeral is turned into anything more than a time of celebrating the life of the person who has died and joining together in your sorrow and mourning. They would both have been feelin dreadful saying their final goodbyes to him so to taint that with schoolgirlish nonsense seems very sad. For once I thought my granny conducted herself with dignity and grace today.
We went back to Doreens for the ‘wake’ where I got tied up with an old man who fought in WW2 and was stationed at all sorts of thrilling places and had been born and grew up in India. Very interesting stories to tell but told in typical ‘old bloke’ fashion of totally losing his thread midway and moving onto a different story. I could hear my Dad and Frazer in near hysterics behind me! The best moment came when he had started a very long and convoluted story and his wife called across to say they needed to leave to catch their train and he said ‘won’t be a minute dear, I’m just telling the tombstone story’ which of course was his punchline!
Mum, Dad and Frazer came back here and Mum has just gone to take Frazer home and get changed before coming back for dinner.
Davies is worse again 🙁 The rash has reappeared with a vengence and he is tired and irritable. He’s been piritoned up again and we’ll see how he’s doing in the morning. Ady, bless him has been doing the glass test, taking his temperature and after me telling him it was an allergic reaction to something rang me on my mobile to say he’d looked it up in a medical book and thought it was definitely hives! 😉
When we got home I made some Halloween mobiles with the children – sticks with ghosts, pumpkins and bats dangling off them which look really good and they really enjoyed making.
I guess I’m glad the day is over really, it has hung over me since before the holiday. Hopefully Davies will be better tomorrow and we can continue with our arranged get together with my friend Lucy at her new house.
Sorry it was like that. seems to be too difficult for some people to just get on when thye have the same things to deal with. I find funerals strange things that rarely manage to achieve what I expect of them. I have mine planned already so hopefully will go right LOL!( I know I know)
Comment by Roslyn — 29 September 2005 @ 8:39 pm
Aw, I’m so sorry for your granny, what a horrible way to behave. Hope Davies gets better v soon.
Comment by Jenny — 29 September 2005 @ 10:07 pm
That’s really crap for your Granny 🙁 At my ex-boyfriend’s funeral, I was the most recent ex, lol, and made sure I went and gave the one before me a hug and was nice, even though I really didn’t like her (it’s her fault I also now hate David Thewlis). Sounded like Doreen was angry at John for still seeing your gran, and it got taken out on her. And well done for your eulogy xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Comment by Alison — 29 September 2005 @ 11:27 pm
aLso v sorry for your granny.how ungracuious.
hugs for u 2
Comment by HelenJ — 30 September 2005 @ 12:30 am
i will have green ‘woodland’ burial with vaughn williams lark ascending
Comment by HelenJ — 30 September 2005 @ 12:32 am
funerals can be so weird, can’t they, especially with relationship undertones like that. Anyway well done for your part in it all.
Really hope Davies’ rash clears up for good today.
Comment by Sarah — 30 September 2005 @ 5:57 am