One word? When seven would do…

No, not a third person warning about me from me, but Ady’s parenting style! I must have heard him say this threat at least 10 times over the last 24 hours and finally snapped tonight. It’s been a bad day behaviour wise and when he got home as we were waving off Liam and Lily he walked in on the tail end of it.

I had had a long chat with Davies yesterday about certain toys which are now set up full time in his new larger bedroom. Basically he always plays with them in the same way which involves trashing them and then leaving them strewn across the floor. Now I know I *could* leave it like that but it’s My House and I don’t expect him to treat either his room or his toys in such a manner. So yesterday as I put it all back together again I warned him that unless it was kept in that manner, or at the very least tidied up by him after being played with then I would confiscate it. Tonight it got confiscated 🙁

He has had a catalogue of misdemeaners today which I listed to Ady and then set off to tidy up while he bathed them. As I walked past the bathroom I overheard him say to them ‘Don’t splash or Mummy will get cross again’. This pisses me off on SO many levels. Firstly good cop bad cop does not work as a parenting style. We need to be consistent, united and have the same acceptable levels of behaviour and expectations of them, sceondly I dislike being demonised in this way. I am not the cross old witch of a mother (well I am actually, but I don’t expect him to acknowledge that to the kids – I don’t want a situation where he is basically siding with them against me) and if I am cross it is for a bloody good reason, not just because I am ‘in a mood’ (again not totally true but he should not be letting the children know that 😉 ) and finally what about giving himself some authority with them? It’s an odd version of ‘wait til your father gets home’ in reverse which I don’t think makes for peaceful relations all round really. How about ‘don’t do that or I will be cross with you.’ or how about simply ‘don’t do that’?

So anyway, he went off to do some gardening while I had a heart to heart with Davies. It must be really hard being 4 1/2 as he seems to be struggling with it 🙁 What makes it worse is that the kids are not out of control. Every time I tell them off they seem genuinely sorry, they both apologise, come over for cuddles, are upset that they are in trouble and put right what they have done wrong. I just can’t seem to get across to them that if they thought about what they were doing before they did it they would realise that it is a bad idea, I am going to get angry, they are going to be in trouble and get upset and it is simply better to not do it in the first place. sigh. He’s promised to try really hard to behave in a way which helps me to praise him instead of tell him off and I’ve promised to work harder at being less cross and more praising. We both acknowledge that we have a part to play so hopefully tomorrow we will manage it. Tarly tends to feed off whatever the general mood of the day is, so if we are being happy, smiley people then she is more likely to behave accordingly. We’ll see.

So rant aside, today has been nice enough. If we get past the ARGHHHH moments it’s been fine really.

This morning we were up and dressed fairly early expecting the friend from my teens and her two children. They were running late – which as ever was probably just as well as we were only just organised when they arrived 🙂 I’d made some playdough on the basis that all children love playdough so my two were already installed with that when they arrived and Tarly answered the door, faced with total strangers who I had thought she had missed all of the previous conversation with, took the two year old girl by the hand and said to her ‘Hello, we’ve got playdough. Come in the lounge’ – what a hostess 🙂 It was tricky trying to catch up on 13 or so years and with four small children in the room too, but we had a bash, touched on a few subjects which I know we will come back to when we meet again and she has not changed at all. I’d forgotten stuff about her character which all came flooding back when I saw her again and was very odd to see in a grown woman having remembered it in a teenager.

They didn’t stay that long – her husband came to pick them up after about an hour and a half but she did apologise for rushing off and seemed keen to meet again so assuming she was not at a loss to understand what on earth she had in common with me outside of the enviromnent of a nightclub around midnight after several diamond whites (:-) ) I think we’ll be getting together again. She did spend a lot of time cradling her wailing 8 week old (did get to have a wee cuddle, babies are quite cute actually aren’t they! Hope Chris and Julie do have more – she’s said I can be a birth partner and it’d be fab to have babies to cuddle who I am sort of related to 🙂 ) and asked me at least three times to assure he it does all get easier 😉 She had an elective c section with sterilisation at the same time so she won’t be having any more herself!

They left and we walked round the shop to buy bread and post letters – brought the letter back with us 😉 Had lunch and then Mel arrived with Liam and Lily.

Pretty chaotic afternoon with 4 kids running around, Davies and Liam spent a fair bit of time upstairs, Lily and Scarlett did some playing with craft bits (beads, sparkles, alphabet beads and wooden sticks), some drawing, some cuddling teddies and babies and huge amounts of using the potty 🙂 Clearly some sort of olympic competitor sport potential there given their performances and ability to squeeze out a wee for a wee each 😉 Fed them all and they had cakes brought over by them for afters and they packed up and left just as Ady arrived home. Mel and I managed a few chats inbetween about HESFES, HE in general, crafts and other activities such as swimming.

Group tomorrow afternoon and I am planning to try and do something engaging with the children in the morning to see if I really can make all the difference to the way the day shapes up by making myself more available to them. In a way I sort of hope it doesn’t as I’m not really up for becoming a surrended mother 😉