Over knives. Well not entirely over knives but it was the subject matter for the fall out.
Tarly loves to eat raw carrots, has done for ever. I keep several whole carrots in the bottom of the fridge and as the children are able to and infact encouraged to help themselves to food and drink whenever (in the main – I might take a stand against youghurts ten minutes before dinnertime) and all the stuff like crisps and chocolate is still kept slightly out of their reach she often goes to the fridge and gets one. In our cutlery drawer are knives, scissors etc and I have never restricted their use or access to them and simply taught them the correct way to carry them / walk with them / use them.
About a month ago Tarly brought in the vegetable peeler, a knife, a bowl for the peelings and a carrot and proceeded to show me how she could peel it, top and tail it herself. We talked about the safe way to use the knife for the topping and tailing and she’s been doing it ever since. Today she was in a slightly beligerant mood and she brought in a carrot, peeler, knife and bowl, carrying the knife in an unsafe manner (A would have had a heart attack – he was at his college course in NEBOSH Health & Safety at the time :oops:) and then tried to cut the carrot in a very unsafe manner. I asked her to get a chopping board and said I’d show her how to do it safely. We argued and she got more and more stroppy until eventually I took the knife away and she just started screaming and trying to lash out. I asked her to calm down or said I would take her to her room. Which was what ended up happening. 🙁
I sat one side of her bedroom door while she sat the other, screaming, banging the door and yelling at me. Eventually she calmed down, I opened the door, we chatted about it and I showed her a little round chopping board in the kitchen which I said could be hers. We brought it into the lounge and I showed her how to chop the carrot safely which she enjoyed so much she sat and chopped the whole thing into bite sized pieces. Safely. 🙂
She does continue to hold a belief that she is somehow beyond or exempt from the rules of the universe, insisting that ‘sharp knives are not dangerous to me!’ which I find slightly worrying.
I’m recording all this, as painful and leaving myself open to criticism as it is partially because I welcome the comments and ideas and (sod it I like the sympathy and the hugs 😉 ) partially because one day I’ll read this back or Tarly herself will read it when I hand over this account of their early years and it will be either reassuring to know that things got better, a great story of how we dealt with it, or the chance to pinpoint where it all went wrong and give her loads of sticks to beat me with when she’s going through her ‘I hate my Mum’ phase ;-).
Well, I sort of take the view that I do have the right to stop them killing themselves, so I’d have done the same 🙂 I just tell Hannah now to write the incidents when I’m a totally crap mother in a notebook, so she doesn’t forget anything when she goes into therapy.
Comment by Joyce — 07 November 2006 @ 9:25 pm
Sounds like the perfect way to handle it, to me. It is your job to keep her safe and if she is doing something dangerous then it is right to stop her. And if that results in a meltdown, then so be it! But yes, it’s wearing! (Isabelle just turned 2, remember!!)
Comment by Joanna — 07 November 2006 @ 10:05 pm
Don’t see what else you could have done there. Brackets though, it’s bloody wearing.
Comment by Alison — 07 November 2006 @ 10:07 pm
Yes, some meltdowns are entirely worth enduring, sounds as though you did exactly the right thing – and it ended up okay, didn’t it? So you came to a happy resolution, which is what counts 🙂
Comment by Sarah — 08 November 2006 @ 8:37 am
Can’t see what you could have done better personally and i bloody wish i had been blogging when Maddy was at her most predictably unpredictable, so i would feel like i imagined the whole thing now!
Comment by Merry — 08 November 2006 @ 2:01 pm
Katy’s noticed a difference between most Africans (as in, in Africa) she bumped into as a child and most Brits. In the UK children have all the possibly dodgy stuff (scissors, knives etc.) taken away as they Might Be Dangerous and risk is a bad thing. In Africa you’re allowed to use knives etc. under appropriate supervision, rather than just left to amuse yourself in front of the TV. Doesn’t stop it being scary at the time, though – you have to fight the impulse to wrap them in cotton wool, which is hard sometimes.
Comment by Bob — 08 November 2006 @ 10:29 pm
Sounds like you did brilliantly. Another passage to add to the parenting book you’ll one day write. I’m useless at returning to things, I’d have fallen down by not going back to finishing cutting up the carrot.
Comment by Lucy — 10 November 2006 @ 7:06 pm