Hmmm.
A mixed bag really, so lets start with the ranty whingey stuff shall we?
First of all a post or a thread really on a list I am on (and expect most of you are too) which just really fucked me off. It was a whole I am leaving now and will not be coming back due to all these reasons type thing. Maybe I read it wrong, maybe I just have little or no patience for these things and that is why I have read every reply but managed to stop myself from posting anything. BUT I am first of all convinced that the person who posted it has left not only that list at least once before but also at least one other list I am on – for a variety of ‘oh poor me, I have to go, don’t try and stop me, I really am going now, I am’ type reasons. It just so reminds me of several dramatic scene stealing people I know and really irrritates me. If you are going then bloody go quietly and shut the door on your way out!!! Also stop putting your needs on other people and take some responsibility for them yourself. And frankly I could be way off here and could not be bothered to check whether I am right or not but I don’t recall seeing that posted replying to loads of other people’s posts simpering, praising, showing interest or offering help and support so why should everyone else run around and do the same thing eh? EH!? EH! Like I said, probably best I kept that one for here and not anywhere else really! 🙂
Ady and I have also had a falling out today – nearly 2 weeks ago I printed off all the stuff I blogged recently about my planned HE approach and asked him to read it and then we could talk about it. He had not read it, despite several promptings and when I tackled him about it (mid rant about something else) said that it would have been better if I’d spoken to him about it instead of handing it to him as a sheaf of papers – as he doesn’t hand me a memo about his day when he gets home and expect me to read it. Good point, well made. BUT as I said it was not for my benefit – it was something I had put a fair bit of thought into wrt our kids’ future and as such I thought it to be a good starting point for debate and discussion. He did read it and his only comment was that if someone came along and interviewed me how would I demonstrate that I would stick with it as I don’t tend to stick with stuff generally!!!!
In his defense this is true to a point – I have never stayed in one job for more than about 18 months, but each new job was a move upwards, since having the kids I have come up with at least 10 millionaire making schemes for stay at home careers, started them with varying levels of enthusiasm and followed through with none of them. BUT this is not one of my fads, this is not something I am likely to tire of and decide not to bother anymore. There is this perception of me within my family – which has grown to include Ady that I am confident enough to withstand any critcism levelled at me, take it on the chin and deal with it – which is true to a point, but I think that it does require a bit of ‘well done, you are excellent at that’ to balance it. I am quite capable of trumpet blowing on my own behalf and that is more important imho than the approval or praise of others, however it is still nice to hear.
This then moved onto what I know is the concern of everyone who knows me well and has heard me say for years that I was never going to have children and was not maternal. How can it be when I moan about the kids driving me mad all day and he comes home to a house of three pissed off with each other people ready for some serious time off from each other by about Thursday each week that we are going to manage without them being packed off to school asap? Answered two ways really 1) that last few hours of the day is crap. if they were at school then that is all i would have with them and the scene at the end of a long day is not reflective or representational of the whole day 2) frustrations with the kids would still exist whether or not I HE them – infact that is a totally seperate issue and far more to do with me and early years age children than my ability to be a sucessful HEers 3) he still does not really grasp where I am coming from with my whole approach to HE – which is not so surprising given that it has taken me two years to come to this approach and manage to articulate it at all, let alone manage to explain it to someone who not only does not spend all day every day with small children and is still totally entrenched in the school mentality and keeps referring to my role as ‘teacher’. Think we made some headway with that one in the end.
Finally we had the patented Clarke discussion about me spending too much time plugged in and not enough time talking – I do believe he won’t want to be talking again for a while given the level of tears, defensive point making and general stroppiness I have exhibited but we’ll see.
So that was that..
Some good stuff then? First thing Davies and Ady did some gardening and Scarlett and I did some baking (triple chocolate cakes) which necessitated a trip round the shop for chocolate. Scarlett happened to be playing with a magnifying glass so she brought it with us 🙂 We then looked at pretty much everything along the way, stopped to listen to stuff ‘I hear birds Mummy’ and did the sort of chatting you can only do with a 2 year old 🙂 On the way back we did a variety of different walks including giant steps, baby steps, hopping, jumping, not walking on the cracks and going faster and slower. Very nice to spend some time alone with her, I forget how exciting that age can be in terms of discovery, awe and wonder at everything around.
Cakes cooked, Davies came in just in time to lick the bowl clean :-), I made cheese toasties for lunch and then Chris and Julie and the twins arrived. They stayed for a couple of hours. After they left and we had our discussions I cut Davies’ hair and Ady bathed the kids.
We watched some old home videos tonight – we have a massive box of them and three were unlabelled – they were all around the time of Tarly’s birth – she is currently pretty much the exact age that Davies was when she was born so it was very odd to see Davies at the age that she is now and compare how different and similar they are. His speech was far better than I had remembered – we have been thinking that Tarly is way more advanced than he had been but actually they are about level. He comes across as far more grown up than she is and that prompted speculation as to whether it is easier or harder to be a sibling goingf through toddlerhood…
No plans for tomorrow as yet – a few ideas been tossed around of what we could do but none decided, will probably end up seeing Mum and Dad as they go off for three weeks holiday next Saturday (Thailand, Hong Kong and Dubai) over Easter.
So calm restored, stressed unstressed and tears wiped away. Tomorrow will be better and we will both try harder to communicate more about stuff that pisses us off or is important.
my mother also periodically throws the fad thing at me. I do have fads, its true, but FGS, I have had the same job for 12 years, so I might just have an attention span.
I can quite see why you’re pissed off this. You’re going to be great at it. Also on the 5 o clock thing. We usually have some own time at this point cos of SB being tired, and having SO much closeness in the day. oops must nip and feed BB, as she is nuzzling the back of the sofa in an increasingly frantic way!
Anyway, I just don’t blog it, as it is as usual as nappy changing. The non-working parent in our house has always handed over the child for a minimum of 30 mins on arrival of the working spouse.
the good bits sound fun. I will resolutely not ask for a recipe for triple chocolate cake – LOL! my first day of counting points has ended with carrot cake offcuts and a bloomin large glass of wine, so oops!
Always important to sanity to make up before bedtime as well.
have a glass of my wine!
Comment by helen and chris F — 12 March 2005 @ 11:34 pm
oh, and on the list leaver, I also read it as a car crash post. I agree with you 100% Also pissed off at the suggestion lurkers not welcomed.
I don’t feel i have the knowledge to respond to queries on there, as usuall involve older children and badly behaving LEA’s, of which I have no knowledge. nearly de-lurked.
Comment by helen and chris F — 12 March 2005 @ 11:36 pm
Which list? Obviously I’m either not on it or haven’t been paying attention to thread in question. Hate to think I’m missing out on some gossip though!
Anyway. Sorry to hear about the barney, although sounds fairly resolved – hope so. rofl at the patented Clarke discussion part (she says, commenting from laptop, in bed, next to husband who has done all communication for the day and gone to sleep at last)! Thankfully I/we have never had that sort of conflict over home ed, or with our family/friends either – bit of a pig to deal with really. Don’t think you should feel that you have to justify yourself to anyone else, but you do need Ady’s support for it to work for you and your children (I think). I guess it’s just part of the ‘parents’ deschooling programme’, perhaps?
Comment by Sarah — 13 March 2005 @ 12:40 am
the EO list. But saying that, it does intermittantly happen onother lists too.
Comment by H — 13 March 2005 @ 12:55 am