Of this endless self pity – I am boring myself and I am not by nature a wallower (although I do have the figure for it 🙂 )
Giving myself a shake of the shoulders and a slap round the face and a bucket of cold water over the head and an urge to count my blessings not my whatever the opposite of blessings are? Misfortunes? dunno, anyway… am risking turning into my mother (Dad’s stock impression of her ‘if we didn’t have bad luck we wouldn’t have any luck at all’) am risking making my eternally patient, kind and loving husband running off with someone else who is capable of cracking a smile (well probably not actually but I do have a flair for the over dramatising so I may as well use it), kids only education has been to learn not to bother asking me for anything and to frantically work out how to use the phone so they can dial Childline and get someone to rescue them, I am not a comfort eater by nature and can normally take or leave chocolate but have been troughing tonnes of the stuff and it simply has to stop!
So.
Another truly crap night last night – I am totally sleep deprived and although I don’t have any sort of master plan I do know that we can turn this around somehow – will chat to Ady later about what we are going to do to prevent the nightly rendition of musical beds, ranting mother, hysterical child screaming for a mummy who really just wants to be left alone and is rapidly finding the neediness of said child completely overwhelming – aside from anything else I can’t even see what there is attrative about me to be wanting to spend time with me at all – let alone 24 hours a day. I think we need to install a total bed ban on any children in our bed for now – not saying they can never come in it again but I think we need a ground rule that extreme for now so that in that middle of the night, only been asleep for about half an hour mental wooliness we don’t keep falling into the trap of letting them share our pillows in the silly misguided hope that we and they might get some sleep. I know what a different place the world is the right side of a decent nights sleep and that is the world I want to be seeing.
Back in the loop again today socially too which must surely help – seeing Jenny, Julie and various other HE folk at Jenny’s later (inlcuding cheap book buying opportunities 🙂 ) seeing Rachel tomorrow and have Twinkle Tots and Tumble Tots on Friday. Parents have in theory agreed to the day trip to London next week (not an overnight trip – just me saying I need a whole night where I indulge in sleeping not being Mummy!) and I have decided we are not seeing anyone on Saturday but I might sneak off either alone or with Davies (the worst victim of my mardiness this week, bless him) for a few hours somewhere . And then of course it is Mother’s Day on Sunday – lol what a week to be wishing I wasn’t one eh!
So that’s it. I think far from helping by getting it off my chest my blogging this week has made me feel slightly worse, so sorry to all those who have bothered to read it 🙁 I’m sure it has been dreary and depressing – rather like Eastenders but without the cliffhanger at the end 🙂
Will probably be back later – off to make lunch then off to Jenny’s via a medicinal trip to Boots ( feel the need to stroke cosmetics and either get a quick hit by buying something or a feeling of immense self satifaction for resisting the temptation – win/win situation!) 🙂
I think a ground rule can be helpful. It’s so tempting when you’re really asleep just to not make the effort to put them back, isn’t it? But I do usually find it’s worth it in the long run! Hope you can get it sorted out, you seem to have put up with it pretty well for a long time, but this year it seems to be finally getting to you.
Comment by Alison — 02 March 2005 @ 3:18 pm