One word? When seven would do…

A complete rollercoaster of a 48 hours. 😉 🙂 🙁 😳 😯 etc.

Yesterday morning I woke in pain from my foot – the larger blister on my left foot had burst and was incredibly sore. I patched it up with some plasters and an eye dressing – everyone most amused that by calling it an eye pad we all instantly thought of something else. And a really unsettled emotional feeling. I had not slept well and was feeling faintly guilty about the people I’d not managed to talk to properly the night before – Sarah who had organised it all and Livvy who told me right at the end she had failed her 2nd year of uni and was waiting to hear if she can repeat it or will be kicked off her course – either way a bit of a blow to her dreams – she is training to be a teacher. She has always talked to me lots about teaching, education and alternative philosophies and has asked me for advice about her studies and ambitions and said she was really sorry she’d not got to chat to me because she’d really wanted to, so I felt bad that I’d not been there for her. I gave her my phone number and facebook messaged her when I got home, along with offering a retreat up on Rum if she needs some time and space away from her world for a bit but I hate feeling I have missed a chance to be there for someone 🙁 Not least because I spent the evening chatting to someone I’ve never met before about Earthships – interesting for me and her but not entirely what the meal had been about and arguing with James about opportunities for children on the island. I felt bad that I’d not caught up more with the people who had made an effort to come and see me. I chatted it over with Ady and I’m sure it was more in my own head but left me with a hard to shake feeling of not quite rightness.

We met up with Julie & co as planned and had a nice walk round Highdown Gardens where we have spent lots of time together over the years. The kids ran off and played and we alternately sat (hurrah for my blister) on benches and walked around (boo for my blister). It all felt very symbolic as the last time and Julie and I, probably because Ady has been with us each time, have not really recaptured our closeness the last few times we’ve been together in person (chatting on the phone has been fine). Julie cried when we hugged goodbye and although I’d been cautious about being too enthusiastic about our new life and we’d all focussed on how soon they will be visiting the kids all looked pretty sad to be saying goodbye.

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We went to Sainsburys and collected some stuff to eat in the car for lunch, using up the last reward on our nectar card and a voucher we had – no Sainsburys where we’ll be going. Then we headed into town and I dashed into M&S to buy a couple of bottles of wine with a voucher a friend sent us while we were on the road last year but we’d never spent. Once again, no M&S where we’ll be going so it made sense to cash in all such things now.

Then to Worthing hospital. Place where Davies was born, Scarlett had her chin stitched up, I had my ankle x rayed and my Granny is currently residing with a hernia and ulcer and in a fairly grave state. I have not always seen eye to eye with her but she is my sole living grandparent and the one I have had most contact with (one grandfather died a couple of years ago but I only ever knew him as Frank anyway, met him about 10 times, the other died when I was 2 so I have no real memory of him. My step grandfather died about 8 years ago and I spoke at his funeral. My other grandmother died when I was about 10 but I never knew her other than as an old, old lady). The care in the hospital is crappy on the ward she is on. The nurses appear uncaring and rough and it was hard to see her there defenseless, in pain, rather confused with all of us thinking but not saying that it will probably be the last time we see each other 🙁

Davies and Scarlett spent some time chatting to the woman in the next bed and told her all about us and our adventures and what we’re doing next. She was very and said ‘I think you are marvellous. So brave :)’ – all of the people on the ward ended up listening to the conversation between her and the kids so when we left we were waved off by about 20 people – patients and their visitors. When Mum went in later she was regaled with tales of her daughter and grandchildren 🙂

We stayed for nearly 2 hours, Ady went off to get Granny some polos as she had a horrid taste in her mouth. I offered to go and collect things from her house as she was in a pair of mens hospital pyjamas. I also offered to go and clean up in her house as she was worried about the state it had been left in (she’d been very poorly with sickness and diarrhoea and not made it to the bathroom) but she refused to give me the key. We left promising to see her in Rum. I hope the promises come true, I have no idea if they will.

Back at home Ady cooked roast dinner and we watched some Life After People. That (understandably) failed to cheer any of us from our rather melancholy mood so I read a couple of chapters of Danny Champion of the World (we’ve nearly finished it) before bed. I was exhausted from the last few days and ended up curling up on the bed and falling asleep before the children did.

Which meant I was awake just after 7am this morning – see I’m not lazy, I do just need less sleep and prefer to take it at a later hour than most 😉

I got up first and stuck the kettle on but Ady was up soon after and I woke the kids. We’d all breakfasted and were dressed and ready to go by 8am so were in the curious and most unlike us situation of hanging around waiting to leave the house.

We dropped the kids off at Mum & Dad’s having decided they would probably have a better time with them than hanging around while Ady and I had trailer training. We were so early we had a quick peep at the local car boot sale, looking for dog bowls but found nothing. Most strange to be out just Ady and I, holding only each others hand 🙂

We arrived at Bruce’s and the first job was to change over the locking wheel nuts to some non locking ones that Ady had picked up. The bloke at the breakers was so taken with our story he didn’t charge Ady for them at all :). That was straightforward but the next job wasn’t – the fuse on the side lights and dash lights had blown and kept blowing. Ady had looked online and found lots of people saying the same had happened to them when they had changed the stereo which is one of the things we’d had done. 3 hours later this was proved to be the case as a cable designed to turn the lights on on the stereo when the side lights were turned on had been connected wrong and was shorting it out. Six fuses and lots of swearing later it was all sorted.

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Then it was trailer training time. We hitched up, grabbed some cones and went to one of Bruce’s fields. Ady was first and practised reversing in a straight line, driving forward towing through some cones, reversing back through the cones and then reversing around a corner. I also had a go (and was not as good as Ady and he wasn’t brilliant). It’s way harder than it looks reversing a horse box!
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We reached a stage where we’re confident between the two of us we’ll be fine for the limited amount of towing we’re planning on doing.

Bruce then gave Ady a chainsaw and we had another emotional ‘see you in Scotland’ goodbye.

Then to Mum & Dad’s where they had waited for us to have lunch. Which was nice in one way (we were starving!) but less so in others (it meant Mum didn’t do any dinner which I’d sort of been banking on, particularly as we ended up there until gone 9pm and the kids were vocally hungry). Ah well. We had a mostly nice afternoon with them – see how I gloss over the issues? 😉

We loaded up the horse box – now about half full and CONSIDERABLY heavier to tow, I can feel it even as a passenger!

When we got home – via the late night Co Op for food supplies, Davies had beans, Scarlett had soup, Ady and I had sausages – I had a little cry. Dad had been teary saying goodbye and that had set me off although I’d hidden it there. He’s had a hard week – his best friend’s wife died on Thursday, his MIL is looking fairly gravely ill, another of his friends has a terminal brain tumour and his daughter and grandchildren are moving 600 miles away. I’ve done really well with all the other goodbyes, because really I am thrilled to be going and very excited about our new life but seeing my Dad wipe away tears will get me every time 🙁

The others never quite know what to do when I cry so everyone was very nice to me, tiptoeing around and looking rather shocked. Ady even asked if I still wanted to go!?!

Tomorrow is yet more goodbyes, further loading up the horsebox, the Last Bath, the Last Sleep and frankly the end of our life as we know it. I’ve left this house and Sussex three times now, I reckon this time really will be forever.