Further to something going on over on Jax’s blog is something I have been considering of late too.
It seems that the whole ‘three’s a crowd’ thing can relate to a mother and her two children at times.
I am very aware that although I quite categorically do not have a favourite child at any given time there is perhaps a favoured one. My relationship with them both is clear and seperate – while I might refer to them here as ‘the children’ they are quite definitely people in their own right and I have a relationship with them each as well as being their mother.
Now the dynamics of these relationships should probably never even be compared and contrasted. Aside from anything else there are so many differences in them – gender, age, birth order, temprement and so on. One of them is very like me, so I can recognise and relate to traits in their personaility and either enjoy and like them, or clash horribly with them. One is very like Ady, so again the aspects of his personality which I find very attractive, I enjoy in them, the ones which make me want to throttle him also bring out the worst in me when exhibited by a small person too.
It does seem that if one is being lovely then the other is being horrid to compensate. Despite the fact they are close and also close in age they do have different needs and both are very good at asserting those needs and demanding that they get their one to one attention – this is good in some respects – bad when they are being assertive at the same time 🙂 As yet we have found very few activities which the three of us really can enjoy together – they are either too advanced for Scarlett, too babyish for Davies or simply require my attention to two children simultaneously which I can’t do (makes you wonder how teachers manage eh? No? Oh yeah, that’s right – they don’t 🙂 )
I like to think I am pretty evenly matched in terms of showing preference to one or the other at times, I do not consistantly support either one of them all the time. I appreciate and understand Davies’ frustration at having an often annoying younger sibling as I once had (and still do have 🙂 ) one myself. So I know how much it pisses you off to make up a big train track and have someone tramp through the middle of it, or run off with your crayons while you are drawing or noisily demand attention the instant you get some books down and ask to learn some letters.
I also know that at Scarlett’s age Davies had me all to himself for hours at a time to sit and do jigsaws, read books, have cuddles, learn colours and so on. There was undivided attention from two adults a lot of the time and he enjoyed being the very centre of our universe for over two years.
There are immense benefits to being a sibling too. I have been watching them this week, playing together and really enjoying each other’s company and know that they are so important to each other and I love that. I once heard someone say that every parent has a favourite child, whether they admit it of not. From moment to moment I guess there are times when I do have a preference for which one I’d rather be locked in a small room with, but in the main I really can say I don’t feel I do have a favourite but I do go through periods of getting on with one better than the other.
This is late and rather wine fuelled. I am sitting with the Christmas tree looking all festive, watching the clock tick round to Christmas Eve and anticipating the looks on their faces over the next couple of days.
Something i consider over and over. If i am honest, i do have favourites but they change and much like i have about 10 “best friends” i can manage about 4 “best children” – its hard though.
Comment by Merry — 24 December 2004 @ 12:45 am
MERRY CHRISTMAS 🙂
xxxx
Comment by Jules — 24 December 2004 @ 7:50 am