This morning I put away several towering piles of laundry and then we watched Bamzookis on TV. This led to Bamzooki building with geomags – are they the worlds’ most adaptable toy or are my children limiting themselves by almost exclusively playing with them? I sewed on all the Badger badges to their uniforms a whole 2 days before they actually need to wear them and then I made some cheese scones for lunch as we had no bread. I also finished reading my book which I have really enjoyed and has provoked lots of thinking and philosophising for me.
It’s very end of the month-y round here this week til I get paid on Thursday. A minor crisis happened when my kettle seemed to die mid afternoon, even after I changed the fuse. So Ady splashed out £5 on a cheapo kettle only to get home and plug the old one in and it to work. The man has magic celebrity hands I tell you 😆
After lunch we had a quick photo session with the chicks and cleared the newspaper out from the bottom of their box while Candle was outside (she is very interested in the chicks. One of them is very deformed, he has one almost useless leg and the other is sort of in the middle of his body, his wings are over-long and his body seems sort of lopsided. All that said he is thriving and growing and able to get around in a sort of hopping fashion so although we are committed to keeping him hopefully he’ll either be a hen (which is fine) or a cockerel who knows his place and won’t piss off the fiesty one by questionning his authority. I’ve decided to call it Spatchcock! 😆
Some photos of a Rock Chick
A Hot Chick
What happens when you get timing of boiled eggs wrong
and green screen filming for adding in stunt scene backdrops later 😆
(we’ve seen it on Doctor Who Confidential, we know how it works!)
Explaining Rock Chick and Hot Chick to D and S was interesting 😆
We then walked into Lancing. I needed to get some chicken (oh the irony) for dinner so we rounded up some stuff to return to the library and headed off. At the library they both chose three books each they wanted but as I didn’t want to carry them all the way home again we sat and read them there. We got a few strange looks – not sure if that was from people wondering why they weren’t in school or whether people were recognising me from the library and wondering if we had started doing personal storytime sessions :lol:. We left there and popped to a charity shop for a skin coloured valance for some rag dolls we’re planning on making, then got our chicken and some cheese and ice cream.
Davies insisted on carrying all the shopping all the way home. It was actually quite heavy and would have had me shifting the bag from hand to hand but he managed it bless him :).
We had an interesting conversation about bees on the way home about the whole sting you then they die thing and also Scarlett wanted to know how a queen became a queen, was she born that way and how did it get decided. So we googled that and now we all now a fair bit more about bees :). She’s asking lots of ‘world around her’ type questions lately and she has a real knack for thinking things right through, or indeed right back as far as she logically can within her range of knowledge or reasoning before coming to me with the end, very well thought out questions – which I often need to either look up or think very hard about myself. It’s great :).
At home they played (this time with foam 3d blocks and some Primeval characters and an array of Tarly’s toy horses) and then it was time for Beavers. Davies presented me with yet another badge that we’d both forgotten needed sewing on so I did that while he was wearing it and then we walked him round there. I offered Tarly whatever she wanted to do when we came home and suggested the new Barbie film or reading a Magic Kitten book – both activities she wants to do but Davies is less keen on so tend not to happen when he’s around but she wanted to do puzzles so we sat and did an animal puzzle together.
We walked back round to collect Davies and she insisted on taking a cuddle polar bear which is almost as big as her with us :roll:, I insisted if it came she carried it, so we looked like we’d been to a funfair and scored 101 with 6 darts on one of the stalls :lol:.
Davies was sitting outside with the junior leader and my heart sank as she came over to tell me he’d been punched several times in the face by M. She said he’d wanted to come home about 10 minutes previously. I was absolutely furious on every fucking level. 1. This dreadful child (the same one I have blogged about several times) has once again physically abused my son 2. No proper action is being taken to either prevent it from happening or to ensure it doesn’t happen again 3. Davies requests to come home and is kept there. If Davies requests to come I expect someone to phone me imediately . Davies, Scarlett, the oversized cuddly polar bear and I went into the foyer to wait with the other parents so I could speak to K, the leader. I explained in very loud and clear tones to Davies, Scarlett and the polar bear (and consequently every other parent waiting) that I was going to tell them that until the unsavoury little boy (you have no idea how careful I was not to swear – and how bloody fucking difficult it was) left Davies wouldn’t be coming back and ensured Davies was ok with this. Two of the parents asked me if it was their son who had done something wrong and I demanded to know their son’s name before telling them they were in the clear.
The leader is ineffectual, fairly new at the job (she started at the same time as Davies did) and was deeply sorry but helpless. As I said to Ady afterwards it would have been all too easy to take all my anger out on her – and she is certainly not without blame – and wipe the floor with her, but my audience of other children, other parents, my own children and of course the polar bear prevented me from doing so. I expressed how angry I was about M, ensured that this and previous attacks had been unprovoked by Davies – she assured me they were, that Davies is a lovely little boy and for some reason M does seem to pick on him. She explained her new plan of dealing with M along the lines of football red and yelllow card systems, said she was learning from her own mistakes and already felt she had lost two Beavers as a direct result of M. When I said either M went or Davies went she sort of shrugged. M won’t be there next week so I said Davies would be and after that we’d see.
Once home and having discussed it with Davies and Ady we’ve decided Davies will make up some cards with our address and phone number on to give out to the friends there he has made and wants to stay in touch with and then he will leave. I simply do not trust them to keep him safe or listen to his wishes. I am not being hysterical or dramatic but that particular child is totally out of control – I have observed him on various occassions and I believe it is only a matter of time before he seriously hurts someone. He may only be six but I think he is capable of serious violence and if Davies is his target and noone appears to be properly supervising it then I fear he may get injured. There is nowhere I would expect to leave my child and him be at risk of being ‘punched’ and feel that is acceptable. I know there are plenty of places today that is a very real risk but it is not one I am prepared to take.
K did speak about talking to the Cub leader about Davies started cubs earlier as she feels he ‘is ready anyway’ but Davies has already said he doesn’t want to do Cubs anyway and was planning to finish with Scouting at the end of Beavers. He does want to carry on doing something else in a group so we are going to look into various other things he might be interested in. In the meantime I am torn as to whether to take my issues with the Beaver pack further. I know Scouting has hieracrchies that I could go to and whilst it might be something Davies gets no actual benefit from and I am not particularly wanting to make trouble for K I do feel this is a situation that really should be dealt with a hell of a lot more effectively than it has been so far. She told me today that M was kept away from the St Georges Day parade because they knew he would cause trouble. He clearly has issues that are never going to be dealt with at a once a week Beavers group. Will think about that one and chat to Davies about it more I am sure.
A couple of chapters of Famous Five and then bed for Davies and Scarlett. Ady is off during the day tomorrow as he is back up to London in the evening overnight so we’re hoping for nice weather to go somewhere for the day.
Oh poor Davies, that is thoroughly crap. 👿
I thought you said the bratty kid had left, maybe i’m confusing him with someone else.
Good thing that polar bear was around to keep you in check!
Comment by Liza — 22 April 2008 @ 1:17 am
hugs for the Beavers grief- no idea what else you can do really 🙁
Comment by Heather — 22 April 2008 @ 7:00 am
Hmm… if this boy has been consistently causing trouble I don’t see why he’s still there really.
Comment by Simon — 22 April 2008 @ 7:17 am
Or at the very least closely supervised by someone.
Comment by Simon — 22 April 2008 @ 8:05 am
He was ‘suspended’ for one week, I thought at the time he’d been ‘expelled’ but apparently that is the method she was using – any bad behaviour and he wasn’t allowed to come for one week. Oh and how that has worked 🙄
I’ve spoken to her 3 times now about him and got all sorts of crap lines from her about how she thinks he is ADHD but unless she is officially told she can’t act on it and that if he does have ‘special needs’ then yes he requires his own personal supervisor.
I did notice last night he was still there while we were talking and it was late by the time the children, polar bear and I left. Also when we went to the lambing visit (where he was also a little shit) the leader woman brought him and took him in her car leading me to wonder if she is a friend of his parents making it harder for her to ask him to leave. I also wonder if Scouting doesn’t have some sort of inclusion policy where they have to accept all sorts of nonsense in the name of being accessible or something. 🙁
If D was more upset at the prospect of leaving I might think about trying to mount some campaign to get the boy kicked out but I think she would rather D just goes quietly. It’s mental!
Ady has a workmate with a 10 yr old daughter who was being seriously bullied at school inlcuding getting stabbed with a pencil and the school’s suggestion was that she leave rather than exclude the bully 😯
Comment by Nic — 22 April 2008 @ 8:45 am
Well if he does have special needs then they need to be managed. If beavers and his parents/carers don’t have to resources to manage his behaviour appropriately so he can be included without his behaviour affecting other children then it does look like the more sensible solution would be not to allow him to come (at least from the information I have). Have any other children/parents been affected and have there been any complaints (forgive me if you’ve already said in previous threads)?
Comment by Simon — 22 April 2008 @ 9:44 am
Rock Chick / Hot Chick.
A chick on a rock
A chick that is hot
No further explaination needed.
Comment by Simon — 22 April 2008 @ 9:45 am
You could redo the “Hot Chick” with one in the microwave….
Comment by Simon — 22 April 2008 @ 9:46 am
The whole Beavers thing sounds a nightmare. I’m appalled that they didn’t ring you the minute it happened! And it shouldn’t have happened. Whoever is responsible, whether it is K or someone else, is letting a lot of children down, not just D, and M too.
Hope you find something else better for D
Comment by Ali — 22 April 2008 @ 10:54 am
The beavers thing is awful. If Davies really isn’t bothered then I guess it is easiest to just draw a line under the whole thing and leave. But there’s a bit of a principle at stake, isn’t there? I would want to see some justice be served!
Then again, in the leader’s defence I suppose (although not all of last night’s actions are defendable, she should definitely have phoned you asap) it is really really hard to run a group like that when you have ‘difficult’ kids as part of it. Really hard to keep it free from regime, for want of a better word, and yet maintain order. I see it every week at the kids’ club my lot go to. Often there is absolutely no protocol for slightly special needs kids (ADD, ADHD, slightly slow or behaviourally challenged!) in those places, and no extra provision financially, of course, because it’s not school/state run.
But the minute a child hurts other children then imo serious action should be taken, whether or not the kid’s parents are friends with the leader. And to that end I would sort of be inclined to kick up a bit more of a stink, if you can do it in a way that doesn’t offend anyone, because as you say, it might not bother Davies again if he is happy to leave, but what about the next kid that the bully takes a fancy to?
Comment by Sarah — 22 April 2008 @ 3:58 pm
I realise how lucky we were at Guides, that the leader took a zero tolerance policy to bullying, and three strikes (not literally) and you were out. Although I think she only got away with it because she had actually been a guider longer than anyone else in the organisation locally. I know she WAS put under a lot of pressure to have the kid back and “mediate” between her and Hannah.
Comment by Joyce — 22 April 2008 @ 5:32 pm
Nic, I think it’s worth at least sending in a formal complaint to the whatever-it’s-called Scouting association. The leader has been completely useless at dealing with this, and even if I were happy to walk away with my child, I’d not feel at all happy at leaving her there cocking things up for everyone else.
Comment by Alison — 22 April 2008 @ 6:15 pm
Oh that is crap. Especially after all the sewing on of badges. (I can’t abide sewing so that would irk me!).
My friend’s son has aspergers and is always happy to attend events and groups lwith him as she can spot triggers and potential problems before they arise. imo the parent/varer of this child should be asked to make sure they are always present.
Comment by Michelle — 23 April 2008 @ 7:45 am
You are of course all right and I do need to do deal with this properly regardless of whether Davies stays at Beavers or not. I feel sorry for the Beaver leader mostly because I know I couldn’t do it and she is just a volunteer giving freely of her time etc. However she is not doing it properly and is failing people as a result.
I’ve looked at the scouting website today and read about complaints procedures and the first stage is to complain to the Group Scout Leader who happens to be the mother of the junior helper there too. I have an email address for her so I will sort out an email in the next couple of days detailing all the issues and asking what action will be taken.
Comment by Nic — 23 April 2008 @ 9:56 pm
hugs for davies. outrageous not to be called really. we are lucky with a v long serving and canny rainbow leader [and brownies when we get there] when i was parent helper she was v good at ‘organising’ the children to diffuse things before they actually might have happened.
i would def complain. i would also gird up my loins and tell the leader that i had complained and why. she might be a volunteer and unpaid, but she is responsible for the safety and wellbeing of the children left with her.
Comment by HelenHaricot — 23 April 2008 @ 10:36 pm