Utterly fed up of us all being ill. Struggling with general apatheticness, not a lot of sympatheticness and a huge amount of general patheticness. I still can’t decide if I am actually ill or just hayfever-y, Scarlett seems to be pretty much back to normal (see how just typing that sentence jinxes her health by tomorrow) and Davies has got a killer cough. And of course you all know how I feel about coughs. Sigh.
I’m tired. Tired of being tired, tired of being grumpy, tired of not having Ady around enough – he didn’t make it back in time for Beavers tonight which meant a last minute dash to get Tarly’s coat and shoes on and drag her round with us to drop Davies off. I just feel generally wrung out and weary. I feel like I’ve taken on too much (although I’d struggle to actually list what it is I’ve taken on, but everything feels like such a mammoth effort) and I just want to go and hide somewhere quiet for two days.
I was thinking earlier about that TV show Cheers. I used to love Cheers – I loved Sam (although when Ted Danson did that awful made for TV film Something About Amelia I was rather put off him – bad, bad role to be typecast in that), I loved Diane and I loved Carla, I loved Coach and I loved Woody, I loved Cliff and Norm and I even loved Rebecca. But most of all I loved the theme tune – where everybody knows your name. I used to drink in a bar like that – I’d walk in and the barmen would chorus ‘Nic’ and a bottle of Red Rock (my poison of choice at that time) would be cracked open and sat at my usual place at the bar before I’d even worked my way round to sit there. It was great. 🙂 But today, just for once I wanted to be living the total opposite to that. I wanted to go where nobody knew my name, where noone gave a shit whether I came, I wanted to be where you could see, people were all the same, and because of that nobody even knew my name (plinky piano music to fade). I consider myself a sociable enough person, a caring wife, an engaged and loving mother, a daughter you can call on in a crisis, but today I really wanted to put my hands over my ears, close my eyes, sing ‘lalalalal I’m not listening’ change my name by deed poll to anything but ‘Nic’ or ‘Mummy’ and go somewhere where coughs, home education, parenting, marriage and who’s turn it is to cook dinner had never been invented.
Of course I didn’t do that. What I did instead was take two small children to a clothes shop, then collect another child and an adult and take everyone to a Home Ed group. Where because it was a nice day lots of the people went outside which meant my children wanted to go outside. Except I don’t let them go outside at that Home Ed group for all sorts of various (legitimate) reasons. So instead I found myself justifying that to my children with an audience then slumping over the counter because there were only two bloody stools to sit on while my children passed the baton of neediness between them while trying to find things to do which required the most parental input until eventually I decided that maybe we should all go outside where I could sit and make a daisy chain in a basket weaving, repetitive, requiring no brain power type manner while the children brought me daisies and STAYED IN MY SIGHT AT ALL TIMES! Did I stress that sufficiently? I think I did, but then I thought I did earlier and clearly I didn’t because within moments both children had indeed left my sight heading towards the rusty barbecue with rancid water in full view of the dinnerladies supervising the children in the playground of the school next door to home ed group. And then Davies found some chalk. Which he drew with until his hands and trousers were all chalky and then he came and sat on my lap in all his chalky glory (and just typing the word chalk is giving me goosebumps) and coughed. Lots.
So that was nice.
We left shortly afterwards, with an uneventful drive home where I secured peace by making the children promise not to talk to me or ask me for anything, preempted all their potential needs by aying out drinks, food and the tv remote, drank three cups of tea back to back and watched Shaun the Sheep with them. In silence. It was good.
And I think that’s all I have to say about that.
I’m coughing- am I still welcome?
Comment by Roslyn — 12 March 2007 @ 11:36 pm
oh dear. Hope today is much better for you!
Comment by Sarah — 13 March 2007 @ 7:09 am
Oh dear. I think this is the down side of the “other Nic” or indeed “other Merry” thing – the other side is nice, but when you run out of energy, keeping two of you going is EXTREMELY exhausting.
Even if, at the time, it feels like that isn’t actually the problem.
You have my huge and enormous sympathy. I’ve been feeling like that for about 2 years 😉 It makes me want to howl – and it makes me want to come round, put your feet up, take your children away for a while and leave you in perfect peace. Obviously next week will have limited “perfect peace” but we can work on refilling your glass a lot 🙂
Comment by Merry — 13 March 2007 @ 8:03 am
I felt a bit weird today too, I think it was odd going back to the group after so long away. Did you notice how when I first got into the car we talked to each other in a strangely polite manner for the first 10 minutes or so?
Still, it got better. Anyway, hope you had a good evening and lots of time with no needy people on your lap or in your face.
Comment by Ali — 13 March 2007 @ 8:53 am
Oh dear. Hoping you are feeling better today, sending peaceful (but annonymous) vibes anyway. Let me know if you will be requiring our services on Wednesday morning. Doubt the car will be fixed by then but fingers crossed.
Comment by Lucy — 13 March 2007 @ 1:18 pm
Hope today is going better. I have a stinking cold now – all because I boasted about how well we’ve all been. Serves me right.
Comment by Allie — 13 March 2007 @ 5:01 pm
That was me Allie! Boasting about how we’re never ill, haven’t had a cold in over a year blah blah and now I’ve been coughing for 5 sodding weeks!
Comment by Roslyn — 13 March 2007 @ 7:16 pm