All has not been well of late. No real idea why, I’ve sat and explored why I’ve not been feeling right for ages and not been able to come up with anything. I know I was utterly exhausted by life in general and really felt like I needed a holiday, I know I didn’t feel like I’d had anything remotely resembling one and I know I came away feeling like I’d failed on several counts (organisational, wife and mother, perpetual good humour, able to get a good bargain of a tent on ebay that actually worked, able to deal with confrontations properly and without resorting to threatening physical violence, you know, those sorts of things 😉 ). We came back and the rain continued, there was the dead chicken saga,hormones and the start of a cold, an afternoon of training at work which utterly failed to set me alight and made me question my long term career plans and a whole lot of internal debating with myself about education generally. In short lots of questionning lots of things but still unable to put my finger right on what was giving me that feeling of general unease that I was feeling in the pit of my stomach. It’s very rare that I poke at myself and discover anything other than basic contentment, sure there are always day to day things to fret or rant about but in the main I enjoy being happy and that’s what I am most of the time.
Yesterday I went back to work and during the day the foggy feeling lifted. Ady was home with the children so they were happy, all my workmates were friendly, had been following the weather reports for where we were camping and talking about it while we were away. They had even been debating whether we’d stick it out or come home (and had all decided I was a stick it out sort of girl :)), all loved my hair and kept saying how nice it looked. The younger girl who works practically full time and has been trying to get another job ever since I started there finally got a phonecall to offer her one so she handed in her notice and although she knew I wouldn’t be able to accept it, my boss immediately and seriously offered me a full time job. I came home with a big pile of music Ady had wanted, films the children had wanted and books for me which had Ady and the children enthusing about the perks of my job.
I made three chocolate cakes to sandwich together with strawberries and cream whipped with cocoa and sugar creating a very lovely tripled chocolate birthday cake which we ate still warm. My Granny, Mum, Dad and Frazer arrived and for once there were no tensions, everyone was relaxed and happy. We had cake, the children made us all laugh, Granny left and we got an indian takeaway for dinner. The children stayed up til about 10pm so they went straight to sleep when we eventually sent them to bed, we all drank lots, there was much hilarious banter about whether Frazer’s black wool Versace garment was a cardigan or not and they all left at a fairly decent hour.
In short I had a really nice day, surrounded by people I like and love, busy doing things I enjoy (working to earn money, baking to applause, laughing) and I’ve woken up this morning feeling back to normal; happy, content and ready for what life throws at me next. This is good 🙂
My Mum on the other hand has woken feeling very much the worse for wear for what was for her an unusal amount of drinking and has had to retire back to bed which probably means that our day out isn’t going to happen. Which is a great shame, but I guess the morning after your 60th birthday probably deserves a hangover. 🙂
Good 🙂
Comment by Alison — 06 July 2007 @ 12:39 pm
yup – glad you’re feeling back to normal.
Comment by Kirsty — 06 July 2007 @ 3:20 pm
glad you’ve shaken off the blues. And I think hang overs are definitely allowed after birthdays!
Comment by t-bird — 06 July 2007 @ 8:18 pm
glad you are feeling back to normal. sounds like a lovely evening with your mum and family. cake sounds scrummy
Comment by HelenHaricot — 06 July 2007 @ 8:19 pm
Just a belated hug and a “glad it lifted” from here 🙂 It’s good to be back in 🙂
Comment by Merry — 11 July 2007 @ 10:38 pm