Well there you are then…

I am officially a ‘woman in her thirties’. I am two whole minutes into my 31st birthday, which for some odd reason feels more monumental than being 30 🙂

I quite like birthdays actually. More so now I can legitimately celebrate two addional ones as well as my own – I consider the children’s birthdays to be special days to me too, being partly responsible for them having them and all.

Despite my blog habit, in the main I am not that big on soul searching – I am pretty happy with myself and very happy with my life. I think that I probably am as grown up as I’m ever going to get but I am enjoying it as opposed to feeling stifled by it, and this last year has been quite a big one for lots of reasons – none of which probably have anything to do with the whole ’30’ milestone, but I am currently in a place which would surprise many people who have known me through my life – myself included. The biggest surprise is that I am at home full time with the children I was never going to have and if I did have them then I certainly would not be giving up work to stay home with them. And hand on heart I would not want to be anywhere else really. I have seen that teacher recruitment ad they are running on tv atm (the one where they show lots of kids doing kid like stuff and ask whether your workmates do all this) and am feeling very inspired and priviledged to be treading this path along with two amazing small people and learning new stuff every day along with them. They are a huge challenge, but that is all I ever wanted from life really – a challenge! I have a husband who is all I could ask for and more, yep, life is pretty darn good really 🙂

Today we have had Rachel, E and A round and they left us feeling a but shellshocked really. The boys played really well for once with no fighting or bad behaviour – a really creative, team working game using their imagination to turn the storage cupboards in the playroom into caves and hide from dinosaurs. It went on for well over an hour, leaving me and Rachel to have a good old chat.

I’m not entirely sure what triggered it but suddenly E kicked off about something and Davies ended up getting (not seriously) hurt by him, Rachel got cross and took a toy off E which had started it all, he got very very very angry with her, threw a torrent of abuse at her, she tried time out, smacked him, yelled at him, he yelled back, then he grabbed the toy back off her, she grabbed it back and he grabbed the nearest heavy thing and threw it at her. They left very shortly afterwards with him being dragged to the car without shoes or coat as he had not put them on, still howling while Rachel apologised for everything and carried on yelling at him. Can not possibly judge either of them, but it was an ugly scene and quite disturbed me, Davies and Scarlett.

Now I shout a fair old bit, and I think the kids do have a lot of respect for my authority and know when they cannot push me any further, but to witness two people so angry with each other and out of control really shook us all up. My parents used to have quite violent (not in the physical sense) rows when I was young and it always really scared me, hence I have ended up in a relationship where doors do not get slammed, voices do not get raised and no one fears anyone else who lives in this house. Yes, we get angry and yes we all have our limits and ‘moments’ but I don’t think any of us have ever lost it like that with each other. Davies was trying to peacemake (just as I used to with my parents), I heard him going to see E and telling him that if he just came and said sorry to his mummy then it would all be okay, he then came to tell Rachel that he was not hurt anymore so it was all better and okay and E wasn’t in trouble anymore. Scarlett watched the whole thing wide eyed, was very concerned for baby A and kept trying to cuddle E to make him better. Oh it was quite awful 🙁

We talked about it after they left, how all the anger made us feel and whether we thought it could have resolved differently, we cuddled lots and all told each other we loved each other lots too. Which makes us sound very wet and like a cross between some sort of group therapy session and an episode of Friends, but hopefully ykwim. Anyway, I’m sure it’s long since forgotten back at their house but it will certainly stay with me – and probably the kids for a few days yet.

Tomorrow Ady by sheer luck is working from home, so I will get a lie in, my Mum is coming to take me and the kids (and probably Ady now too 🙂 ) out for lunch, then her and Dad are babysitting in the evening so me and Ady can go out for dinner. And we have booked the table for an hour later than we have told them so we can sneak to the pub first too 🙂

So I guess I may well not be blogging tomorrow, see you on Friday everyone, and don’t forget to tell me how I don’t look a day over 29 🙂