I had some very random dreams last night, which meant I was slightly disturbed this morning. Dad and I had a conversation about crofts, Scotland and racism, which although mostly good natured and amicable also left me faintly troubled too.
We headed over to Chris and Julie’s, via Lance to collect the Sharan which passed the MOT (Hurrah!). Julie’s mum was there too and I was quite quiet for the first hour or so. I was cold, my mouth was still sore and the atmosphere at my parents had just gotten to me. It’s a really toxic environment with a heavy feeling and constant bad atmosphere there. Ady is in overdrive making everyone drinks and tidying up all the time, the kids swing between on edge picking up everyone else’s vibes and then slightly crazed playing from having so much space and so many toys and I am just exhausted by the underlying stress of it all. I don’t feel like we’ve properly put the WWOOFing part of the year to bed as we’ve not celebrated it and in many ways this still feels like living with a host. I feel pressured by the thought of Christmas with no money and just the general uncertainty of this period of the whole thing. It’s a real limbo time with no firm date or idea about the croft in Rum, or quite what happens next. Whatever the opposite of grounded is, that is how I feel just now.
Fortunately today was spent with the other side of our family – the Goddards. Where the five cousins all played really well together and Davies and Scarlett are now asleep in Maisie’s room all curled up cosily. Where we have talked about our WWOOFing adventures, plans and dreams for Rum, looked at books from Chris and Julie’s shelves, shared ideas and just had the sort of homecomming I was expecting. A friend, Elaine, who lives across the road saw Willow and my car outside so called round to say Hello and catch up quickly with us which was lovely too.
We had a walk along to Julie’s allotment and then all helped make dinner – veggie stew and bread rolls followed by honey cake and home made ice cream, all delicious. I’ve never had home made ice cream before and it was so easy and so gorgeous, definitely want to have a play with making some of that again.
This evening the kids went off to bed and the four adults sat and chatted and it’s been lovely. Normal chatter with no agenda, no mood swings and no one trying to score points off each other. Ady and I have talked at length about my parents and I think we now have enough planned strategies to get through the next five nights before going away for another couple of nights next week. Plus we’ve had enough positive chats about the move to Rum this week with various people to give us all the enthusiam and excitement we need to get the application and business plan sorted.
So Ady and I are in Willow for the last time before she goes into storage tomorrow. It feels strange, quite sad in some ways, but good to know it’s far from over yet.