Strike One!

Doing wonders for the reputation of reliability of working mothers everywhere I was late for work this morning 🙁

I woke up before the kids – who predictably on the one morning a week when they actually need to be up by a certain time were both still fast asleep at 8am. I was dressed, had one load of washing hanging out and one load in the machine by the time I woke them up. They were breakfasted and dressed and we were all waiting for Julie to arrive when she rang me at ten to nine to say she was running late anyway and had got stuck in traffic :(. I did a frantic think through of all my alternative options – that would be none then other than taking the children to work with me, gritted my teeth and phoned the library to tell them. She actually got here only slightly after 9am so I was in work just after ten past and everyone was all fine and understanding about it but I felt shit :(. I knew the time would come when I’d have a childcare issue which would make me either absent or late and I guess five months before my first ‘offence’ isn’t too bad but I hate the skin of my teeth feeling that I have every time I get to work successfully on time and manage a whole shift without being phoned to come home due to some emergency. This would be no different if the children were in school either, it’s just the curse of the working mother – and very occassionally father, but far less so, and it sucks :(. I am really happy with the choices I have made, both to have children in the first place and to be at home with them but I hate feeling I am not doing something 100% and I know that however much I’m enjoying the job I am never 100% present with the children always in the back of my mind. Oh for a self-cloning machine 😆

Julie and I had spoken on the phone last night and talked about going to the beach but I had the dentist this afternoon which would have hampered that so in the end we all went to the beach and then I popped back to the dentist leaving D&S with Julie, J&M on the beach. And there lies my other issue, I simply cannot deal with knowing the children are out and about somewhere without me either. When they went out with Lucy the other morning I was visualising car accidents, abductions and other such grim scenarios, today I had left them at the beach with Julie and no escape route if something went wrong. I know, drama queen 🙄 Lucy taking them out the other day was the first time they have been in a car without me or Ady and I only relaxed about that because they can do their own seatbelts up now. I can be so laid back I’m sure people think I’m neglectful when they are in my care but the idea of something happening to them when I am doing something else and someone else is looking after them is just horrid, the idea of someone else kissing them better if they hurt themselves and the thought of something dreadful happening to them when I’m not there is enough to keep me awake at night. At least when Lucy has them I can read a proper account of what they did on her blog, I think Julie and my parents think I’m mad when I still want a minute by minute account of everything they said, ate, drank or produced on the toilet! 😆

Dentist was fine, fifteen minutes of scraping and nearly thirty quid (:shock: that’ll be the whole months budget blown in the last 3 days then, what with that and Legoland) and then I drove back to the beach to find everyone still in one piece. We stayed awhile but Jack and Maisie had had enough really by the time I arrived back (Davies and Scarlett would happily live at the beach and were off ‘adventuring’ with some shells and a stick) so Julie and I managed a bit of a catch up chat before J&M’s cries to ‘go home now’ had to be answered so we packed up and left.

Children are now eating tea and then as Ady is late home (again, sigh) we’re all going to Badgers so I imagine Tarly and I will go for a wander along the beach while Davies does Badger stuff until Ady can come and pick her up. Might be back later 🙂