Really fed up

today 🙁

We all overslept this morning which meant I had to text Mel at the time we were supposed to be pulling up outside their house to say we were running half an hour late. I am *always* late when we meet Mel – she once told me she now plans to arrive at least 10 minutes later than we arrange anyway 😳 but actually although I am often running late it is something I really hate so that put me at a bad start.

We got to Paradise Park really early – just before 10am and it was really quiet. The woman on the desk was really surly, not giving us enough stickers to get in and then looking like it was my fault when I drew her attention to it and asked for another one. Then she didn’t push the button to let us in so we sort of stood around for a few minutes looking like spare pieces. Just odd, but not annoying enough to actually complain about. Also I noticed there was some sort of treasure hunt type thing but there were no forms to take round and fill in and I didn’t like to ask after the other small incidents.

The children were all in a high state of giddiness and being rowdy and noisy in turns with both Davies and Scarlett deciding to be clingy at the same time every so often and wanting to hang off me. I like cuddles, kisses and strokes but I can’t bear just being crowded and clutched at. There was almost constant debate about which way to walk next and lots of jostling for first goes at pushing various buttons all of which I just found really wearing today. I like Mel a lot – I met her a couple of years ago on netmums but I’d really class her as the mum of the kids’ friends rather than my friend. We always manage to chat easily enough in a catching up on certain topics sort of way (my job, her job, her kids school, my kids HE groups, extra curricular activities, her studing, Ady’s studying – all very safe and not particularly personal or ‘interesting’ chatting – the sort I would imagine is done at school gates a lot) and today that wasn’t easy company to be in where I felt I was making an effort – I’d have been better off alone or with someone close I don’t feel the need to say a lot to other than ‘I feel really blah today’. We ended up having a big conversation about how well the children got on as siblings with me saying D&S are really close and play well together pretty much all the time – which they then totally disproved on the way home by both ending up in tears for pulling each others hair :roll:.

Mel bought the children all an ice cream and us tea and coffee in the cafe there which was nice, but then paid for Liam and Lily to go on a mechanical horse ride each, so I couldn’t really not pay for Davies and Scarlett to go on it. Then I gave D&S the choice of the train (at £2 per person or something it would have meant no bread or milk for the rest of the week at home) or a few tokens each in the amusements which are only 20 pence each. Fortunately they chose the tokens so we headed there and I gave them four tokens each, told them that was all I had money for and to spend them wisely. I was really proud of them (unfortunately only briefly 🙁 ) as they were all pleased and grateful spent ages weighing up what they wanted to spend them on, except Scarlett then made a big fuss (her second already since we arrived) about wanting more 🙄 So we went off to find somewhere to eat lunch, which quietened things down a bit, then we went into a small area they’ve set up as a ‘classroom’ with loads of crayons, pictures of kids tv characters to colour in and plain paper to draw on. That was quite peaceful for a while actually (aside from Ady ringing to say he’d be picking us up around 5pm – it was still only about 130pm by then and I’d already had enough really so started to feel really trapped). They all did loads of colouring and then we made some paper aeroplanes and they spent ages trying to fly them through the rafters in the room. Made me think of wet play at school when we weren’t allowed out in the playground when it was raining and everyone used to get a bit stir crazy in the classrooms.

There was a bit of a gap in the rain then and Liam and Lily wanted to play crazy golf (another quid a go per person), fortunately Scarlett didn’t so as I didn’t have any chance Mel paid for Davies (which I didn’t feel too bad about as she had got in for free on our ticket and we picked them up and took them there). It started to pour with rain while they were playing (and I use the term playing loosely – Liam was getting really, really cross with the ball for not doing what he wanted, the club for not hitting it right, everyone else for laughing at him and the people behind for wanting him to hurry up and have his go so they could get their turn, Lily was picking the ball up and putting it wherever she fancied and then hitting it and Davies was scooping the ball along with the club – I’m not very indulgent of children not doing things right at the best of times (aside from slides of course 😉 ) and today I had no patience for it all, in the rain) so Scarlett and I went back inside for a while. I sat squashed inbetween a row of mothers all shrieking at their children (the only time I almost smiled was when the woman next to me hailed her children with ‘Harmony and Nikita!’), which was the point I rang Ady and begged him to come as soon as he could and rescue me before I went back into the ornamental gardens and found some poisonous leaves to ingest.

The others came back in to join us, Liam and Lily complained they were bored, Davies got stroppy that Liam didn’t want to play with him, Scarlett got stroppy that I didn’t have any more money for the amusements. Mel bought loads of tokens and have some to Davies and Scarlett who then kept coming and asking her for more, despite me telling them not to while I sat and watched some grandparents who had brought their two grandsons out try very hard to control themselves from not smacking their frankly horrid oldest grandson – the rage on the grandad’s face was obvious. Finally Ady rang to say he was mere minutes away so we made out way out to the carpark, running the gauntlet of the gift shop as we went (can I have…..? NOOOOOO!), piled into the car and then listened to four children do their full range of ‘I’m hungry’ ‘I’m thirsty’ ‘are we there yet?’ ‘I’m too hot’ ‘I want the window shut’ be generally horrid to each other, tell knock knock jokes with no punchlines, adapt ‘I know an old lady who swallowed a fly’ to include the words ‘bum’ ‘wee’ ‘poo’ and ‘t rex’ with Liam and Lily giving me a constant middle row of seats running commentary on what dreadful things Davies and Scarlett were doing from the back seat with me initially feigning interest to barely bothering to acknowledge them by the end of the journey.

Once we’d dropped them off I bawled out D&S who were then guilt ridden and have spent the hour since we got home trying to cuddle me and apologise when all I actually want everyone to do (Ady included) is fuck off and leave me alone. And we’ve got no milk for a cup of tea. And yes, I might have my period!