One word? When seven would do…

A catalogue of reasons brought our family to our slightly unique situation of not spending any time away from each other. It has never been deliberate but in reaction to various situations along the way Davies, specifically had issues about being left without Ady or I. Because of this Scarlett never was left so she has similar issues now. Because of this, and because I remember all too clearly the traumas of when I did leave Davies I have issues with it all too. I know this isn’t particularly healthy or normal but I don’t think it is particularly damaging either – just slightly wearing and difficult to work round.

Anyway with careful management and lots of baby steps we had reached points where Davies was happy to be left at Beavers round the corner, was happy to be left at Badgers if I was in the car outside, was happy to be left at home with another adult provided he was at home – leaving him elsewhere was still an issue. Scarlett has managed to be left at Badgers with Davies but is still moved to tears at the prospect of staying at Rainbows by herself. We all of us know this is irrational and that she will be fine, it’s just that we went through many months of heartache being told Davies would ‘be fine’ being left at nursery and he wasn’t fine at all. By any stretch of the imagination. And a five year habit at feeling crap for leaving a child knowing that they are struggling with it unless I have a bloody good justification for leaving them is a hard one to break. And we all feed off each others’ anxiety which whips us all up even more.

So this week my couple of hours on Monday leaving them with a whole room full of people they’d never met before in a place they were totally unfamiliar with was a Big Deal. Which meant that today following hot on it’s heels was Another Big Deal in a Very Small Time Frame.

Caz, who I have met precisely five times had offered to look after Davies and Scarlett fortnightly while I work on Wednesday mornings. I’ve been to their house, they’ve been to our house, I’ve met her husband (who was also going to be there) and liked all of them. The children all get on really well. Caz and Bid are teachers so very used to children and all their quirks, they have two boys almost the identical age to Davies and Scarlett, are Home Educating and love our educational philosophy and approach. Caz went to the same school as me, her father used to be our doctor. In short they are qualified in every aspect to be perfect supervisory adults for Davies and Scarlett for what was in effect a four hour playdate at their house. Which most seven and five year olds have been doing for years with their friends.

But of course knowing all this rationally and being utterly comfortable with the prospect of it is one thing; taking two reluctant children at 830 in the morning somewhere after two very upheaval-y days was quite another.

We’d spoken at length about it all, Davies was armed with a list of phone numbers in his pocket and instructions to ask them to ring me or Ady if he wanted to talk to us about anything, they had planned to look after each other and we all three did a very effective job of being bright and fine about it this morning. We drove there, I saw them in, kissed them goodbye, thanked Caz most profusely for what must be about the 7 billionth time for what she assures me she considers a tiny and inconsequential favour and left to go to work.

I returned five hours later to have to practically drag Davies and Scarlett away, full of what a ‘cool’ time they’d had, how they want to go there to play every time I have to go to work, bursting with stories of the games they’d played and generally very happy, grubby and okay with everything children. 🙂

So I guess that could be considered a success really. On all levels. 🙂 And another milestone. We seem to be passing milestones at an astonishing rate this week. 😉

I had had a fairly good morning at work; very busy which helped and I spent my tea break telling Yvonne all about our masterplan to move which she was very enthusiastic and positive about which was nice. It’s funny how people who have come into our lives at different times see us. And how plans which possibly seem utterly out of character and not like us at all to people who have known us a while seem totally sensible and just the sort of thing we’d do. I’m known of at work as a diehard camper, sticking out tenting in all sorts of extreme conditions, pretty hippy and alternative on my outlook, very crafty and artistic with a fairly bohemian lifestyle – I know my own parents certainly wouldn’t recognise me from that description :lol:.

As we drove past my parents house I spotted my Dad in the garden so we drove round the block and went to see him for an hour. Davies and Scarlett got filthy with tree sap which Dad had to get white spirit out to clean off their hands, spotted Fred, Albert and Albert II in the fishpond and were generally wild and grubby. Dad and I chatted, mostly about my childcare nightmare for next week. I’m working Thursday all day and Saturday morning – Dad is doing Thursday afternoon but Ady was planning to do Thursday and Saturday mornings but is away for the night on Wednesday and not back til late Thursday and then up in London all day Saturday and Sunday at QVC. He’s also QVCing both days the following weekend (Mothers Day).

I came home feeling incredibly despondant after various phone conversations with Ady about the increasing number of nights away from home he’s got scheduled in and weekends working over the next few weeks, worried about childcare and not having any family time and wondering how the hell we’re going to coordinate any sort of housesearching with so little free time. And sat and drank endless cups of tea while the childen played with geomags and watched Happily N’ever After.

This evening I’ve managed to sort all my childcare out again for the next month or so and Ady and I have managed a long chat about long term masterplan goals and everything is feeling way more positive again. I will try and post on the other blog the latest plans wrt moving etc. maybe tomorrow as things are shaping up better than I’d hoped really. My Dad and I managed a sensible, calm conversation about the whole thing this afternoon too which made me feel much better. I don’t need his approval but his acceptance means a lot.

So there. It’s been a hell of a week so far, I’m still feeling crappy from my cold, as are D and S and it does feel rather like I’ve lurched from one low emotion to another with rage, worry, despair and general impatience, intolerance and frustration all in there putting in appearances. I couldn’t be anything other than positive and upbeat for very long I don’t think – it’s just too bloody tiring! 😆