A different life…

It’s a beautiful winters morning here again today. It’s been a really cold and frosty night so everything is twinkling in the sunshine as it melts, the sky is deep blue, the remaining leaves on the trees and bushes are beautiful burgandy, burnt orange and red hues, glossy red berries have sprung up on the holly (and other plants I don’t know the names of!), the grass is bright green and there is that air of excitement and anticipation that this time of year puts in the pit of my stomach. I once read somewhere that you tend to favour the season you were born in – which sort of makes sense as when you were a child I guess looking forward to your birthday made you like that season most. For me, born in January all of my Christmasses and Birthdays, New Years Eves and so on came together in the space of a fortnight so it *was* the most wonderful time of the year (ironically I have associations in December and Januray for both children now as Tarly was born in Decemeber and I found out I was pregnant with Davies in early January). There is always that new year, new start mentality anyway and for us at the moment there are all sorts of possibilities and outcomes as to how our life might pan out next year. Some of them might be painful but all of them will involve growth, change and ultimately positivity.

I’ve just been gazing out of the window daydreaming about living different lives and then Ady rang to chat while he was driving to a meeting so we talked about wild and wacky things to do. Sometimes the scariest thing is when there is nothing to stop you going and grabbing a dream… Might blog about this more, or somewhere else or might just keep it to bring out and play with myself for a bit 🙂

So far this morning we’ve watched some TV together (Big Cook Little Cook, which I cannot watch without getting giggly now thanks to Richard Herring, Backyardigans (which I confess to not actually watching and checking my emails instead!) and Dora. Ady finally found the lead for the portable dvd player so Davies has been selecting a pile of DVDs for the journey to The Beans later today. We’ve done some puzzles – Davies did a market stall one by himself and Tarly did a house one with some matching colours and textures pairs despite protesting that she couldn’t do it by herself – she did!

Davies then did a world map one (100 piece ELC) with what felt like a lot of assistance but probably wasn’t really – he finally seemed to click on some sort of process of tackling it, which is one of Davies’ biggest things to overcome – once he finds a system he can tackle anything but finding that system often seems to elude him for far longer than it should. I think reading is the same for him actually. He is like a detective, he needs to crack the code of doing something and then it seems to unlock something in his brain, all the pieces fit together and he is capable of flashes of genuis. Maybe I’ve just described the way we all do stuff but somehow it seems so much more *obvious* when observing him that that is how he does everything. He is very reluctant to invest time or energy in something unless he is confident of the outcome i advance. I’m guessing he won’t make much of a gambler 😉 Safe, steady and slow – he would probably pack a flask and some sandwiches with a first aid kit to walk to the local shops if I allowed him to – so his father’s son! Also reminded that I meant to blog about Davies’ mood yesterday. He tends to have times every so often (usually before or after he’s been ill or when he is very tired) when nothing seems to go his way, he gets really stroppy at the slightest little thing and I would probably best describe as moody. He huffs and puffs, sighs and stamps his feet and sulks for ages. My Mum is like this and so is my brother; both of whom have been treated for depression. I recall my Mum spending ages cajoling Frazer out of his sulks with all sorts of bribes, treats and silly behaviours and he is still like it now at nearly 30. Aside from not being one for having much time for other people’s fragile egos I really want Davies to be able to be responsible for his own happiness and able to pull himself together without me fawning all over him. I offer cuddles and keep Tarly away from him to give him his space to work his way out of his stroppiness himself. While he’s feeling like it what he wants and expects is the world to revolve around him and me to pander to his every whim – when he comes out of the other side (he was fine by the end of yesterday and perfectly happy, sunny and back to himself again to day) he will tell you himself that he’s been stroppy or was ‘having a moment’. I was talking to Julie about it yesterday as she commented on him being a bit miserable so explained and she said that as someone married to a man who is still like that and still expects everyone else to try and make his day better when its going wrong she wishes his mother had done the same with him (although of course Chris’ mother who is also Ady’s mother stuck them in a children’s home instead while she had her own mental breakdowns so I guess she couldn’t be accused of molly coddling him!). Anyway, it feels slightly heartless but I think I’m dealing with it in the right way for now.

Back to processes, Tarly on the other hand is much more into her leaps of faith, haphazzard doing stuff without thinking it through and working out what she’s going to do next as she goes along. I’ll let you complete the rest of this paragraph for yourselves! 😉 She has also been doing some fuzzy felt pictures and when I came down from getting dressed she’d made a really good tap a shape person picture complete with legs in two pieces so they could bend at the knee.

They are now eating their fourth bowl of cereal each while looking at the world map puzzle and talking about the North Pole and the compass which is pictured on the bottom of it.

My Granny is due to visit this morning, I’ve got my CVs to do, I need to pack for the weekend and the floor is covered in fuzzy felt. Also have more daydreaming planning to be done…