I hate labels for children. I understand why they are useful in some instances and I do appreciate that if there is something ‘the matter’ with your child you would likely want to know what it is and whether it can / needs to be treated and what effect it will have on your child’s life but I also think that the risk of a wrong or incorrect label can be damaging and unless there is a definite benefit to doing so I would err away from it wherever possible.
However I have for some time been concerned with a small aspect of Davies’ behaviour and have been reading around it to find out more. I am putting it here to see whether anyone else has experience of similar or any information to share. I may well delete it at a later date and I would prefer it not to be refered to infront of Davies if and when any of you spend time with him as currently it is not an issue nor do I wish it to become one.
About a year ago I started to notice that at times of stress he licks his hands, he seems to do it unconsciously and simply brings his hands to his mouth and licks at his fingers and the sides of his hands. When questioned he says that his hands feel dry. I have gone through periods of ignoring it and periods of nagging him not to do it (not least because as a boy he often has less than hygenic hands which I would really rather he was not licking for fear of germs!). It is a definite nervous thing – he did it a lot at Kessingland when he was excited but nervous and I often notice him doing it at times when he is unfamiliar with his surroundings or the people he is with.
He also chews at his top – he brings it to his mouth and chews at the collar and the chest – at worst he can end up with a really rather damp front of his shirt. It also means his collars are a pain to wash as whatever is around his mouth ends up on his shirt too.
I’ve always been aware of tourettes almost as a bit of a comedy syndrome that means weirdos shout ‘fuck’ or ‘arse’ at inappropriate moments in the extreme cases portrayed in the media but I recently read an article about a woman with tourettes who’s first symptoms were licking as a small child (although she felt the need to lick objects rather than herself) so have looked into a bit a more and it would seem that the licking and the shirt chewing are both fairly common early symptoms.
Ady had several facial tics which are obvious when he is nervous or stressed, but he has a background and childhood to make this almost expected, but research indicates that such conditions can also be genetic or hereditory.
At this stage I have no wish to make any more of it, I am not after getting any sort of diagnosis and am also not sure whether to draw Davies’ attention to it and try and make him conscious of it and help him to break the habits or to ignore it and hope it is something he grows out of and the less that is made of it the more chance he will not be aware and will stop doing it.
no expert on tourettes, but a lot of children [and adults] have reassurance gestures. – thumb sucking, hair sucking and twiddling are so universla that they are barely commented on.
I tend to stroke lower lip with baby finger, and if really stressed, have overwhelming urge to do the arm flapping think like a penguin. As an adult I can restrain this. SB sucks thumb and hair.
I think for now, i wouldn’t be worried, and carry on doing just what you are doing, having an eye on it, but ignoring it, unless it becomes very frequent is actually impinging on how he lives his life [ie ritualistic]
Comment by HelenJ — 23 September 2005 @ 12:25 am
don’t know what to say really, have no experience of anything like that, but I’m sure that as you’re so observant/in tune with him, and approaching it from this very sensible point of view, it will be fine, whichever way you end up going with it.
Comment by Sarah — 23 September 2005 @ 6:42 am
As above :-). Buzz sucks the top of his T shirts all the time! Pea did her cuffs to the point of all her clothes having holes in them for about 3 years. Boo twirls and thumb sucks like crazy.
I stretch my eyes. This did become a huge problem as a child (around 12) as it was just so embarrasing and I wanted to stop but I couldn’t. I also used to wear this braclet that i would twist and turn endlessly. Giving that braclet up was actually really difficult and I was in a bit of a state about it for some time. I still have certain things that I do and I think that to an extent they could be considered ritualistic because I do them in the same way and get great pleasure from it when I am very stressed or feel vulnerable. The sad thing is what it is. I pull at my skin on my chest, scratch my hands and pinch. I know why I do it. Physical pain is much easier to deal with than the stuff in my head so I transfer it. I started doing it as a child at the dentist, pinching the back of my hand takes the pain from my mouth and I am in control of it. The most I leave is a red mark, it is disturbing and really stresses Tony out because I just can’t stop and will deny I am doing it even though I am sitting there doing it!
As to what you can do about Davies I don’t know. ATM I would say as the others have and leave it and watch. At least you are aware that he has these little ways. Thinking abuot it as I type, I feel dry when I’m stressed also, so it could be that he does have this problem so licking it helps, my rubbing helps. My hands feel very dry typing this as it is making me stressed by thinking about my behaviour :-(.
Comment by Roslyn — 23 September 2005 @ 8:51 am
maddy hair twiddles and thumbsucks, she does it less now but it did worry me a lot as i felt she had some need i couldn’t help her fulfill. She used to rip her hair out, but she’s stopped that now. I know an adult who does that compulsively, it can be lived with 🙂
I have a hard patch on one finger as i chew it when worried, often when driving and lost (so quite a lot!) Fran sucks her hair a bit. Amelie drinks juice like its going out of fashion. I list these so you know that you aren’t alone here.
I suspect the thing is very likely a co-incidence with regard to Tourettes – and more likely that when nervous his sensory awareness of hand dryness increases. Maybe you could help him with that rather than try to stop the licking; offer some baby lotion maybe? it might be the same with collars and cuffs; his anxiety makes him more aware of them and he feels compelled to faff with them.
When Maddy was struggling with sensory input we really managed her experience a lot if we knew she was going somewhere difficult she wore a favourite t-shirt, with a rough feel to it – it grounded her somehow and made her aware of herself, she’d have a light fleece which we could whip off as soon as she got anxious. She preferred to be cold than bothered!
There is a good book on this type of thing, the advice in it is more wide ranging than the title suggests and i found useful stuff in it for all my lot. Its The Out of Sync Child – want to borrow it?
Off to read rest of blog now.
Comment by Merry — 23 September 2005 @ 9:50 am
I’ve honestly never noticed.
But would only agree with what the others have said – atm he doesn’t know it’s ‘odd’, so feels no need to control it. As he gets older he almost certainly will, and if not then’s the time to look into it, unles you were considering drugging him up now, which seems unlikely 😉
Poppy was a bit of a chewer too – by the time she was about 6, all her pyjamas had the cuffs cut off as they were so shredded, and she used to chew either the collar of her top, or lift up the bottom and chew that – we’ve had a few things ruined. Gradually, I got her down to just keeping one really ratty top which she could chew if she wanted to, and recently I threw that out as she hadn’t chewed it for ages.
My brother chewed a hole through the collar of his duffel coat when he was about 4, and he’s perfectly normal (ahem …) now 🙂
Met up again with an old friend of my mum’s recently, and he says a kind of “huh” noise at the end of each sentence (and sometimes just randomly) – now that was annoying! Never noticed him doing it before either. People are just weird 😉
Comment by Alison — 23 September 2005 @ 9:51 am
It’s certainly true that tics can be hereditary, and that sometimes, tics and tourettes can be viewed as different points on a continuum. However, it’s also true that most kids learn to self-sooth by doing something orally – thumb sucking, finger sucking, finger chewing, nail biting, hair sucking, clothes sucking, blankey-sucking, finger licking. It doesn’t mean that there is any major trauma that they are trying to soothe either- it just feels nice, or it relaxes them, helps them concentrate, or they do it when they are bored. Hannah still thumb sucks very enthusiastically (and has never caught any yucky germs from it, LOL). Bob scratches his eyes, and pulls at his lower arm hair. Now that DOES annoy me 😉 I’ve got a very sublte neck jerk tic, which manifests itself as a slight nod. I would doubt anyone notices, but I do feel it myself, and tend to do a deliberate nod traight after, so it looks less noticable. I’ve had it most of my life. FWIW, it doesn’t sound to me like its anything to worry about atm. And you really need to stop reading those crappy mags – i read that one too 😉 – though at least she was saved by the love of a good man. Obviously never read Paper Bag Princess, is all I can say 🙂
Comment by Joyce — 23 September 2005 @ 10:27 am
Oh – and as for drawing his attention to it – i don’t know the answer, but my instinct would be not to. At most, I might draw his hands away gently if he’s been doing it for a while, and occupy his hands with somethine else, but I wouldn’t verbally comment on it. But that’s just what I’d do.
Comment by Joyce — 23 September 2005 @ 10:30 am
well that’s it then, we’re all fucking weirdos and he’s just naturally joining in! I almost edited this after I posted it last night actually having realised I had sat and twiddled my hair reading it back which is my ‘thing’. I also have lots of pictures of me standing with a hand on my chest which is because I twiddle with a necklace (and of course there is the nail thing Ros – oh and my eyedrops!) no wonder the poor child is like it.
Will do as you suggest Joyce – if you are not horrified by germ potential then I know *i* can rest easy 😉
Comment by Nic — 23 September 2005 @ 10:51 am
felt i should come back and point out your google ads had brought up lots of helpful links though 😉
Comment by Merry — 23 September 2005 @ 12:27 pm
Emma has just started chewing her collars/soft toys/cuffs and she never chewed anything as a baby. Trying not to tell her about it too often but when you have just spent a fortune on new clothes just so she can chew at them it is a bit annoying. I keep telling her that I will buy her a baby chew which she finds hilarious! xx
Comment by Karen b — 23 September 2005 @ 8:29 pm
Have you seen Gordon Brown’s? Many people seem to have them to a greater or lesser degree. I had a friend who did the “huh” thing all through her teens and sniffed her fingers and blinked excessively but I loved (love) her to bits. She’s now a social worker and a very sorted individual. My flat mate during college was a cuff chewer, seriously pissed me off as we shared all our clothes. So long as he doesn’t chew through anyone else’s stuff he’ll be fine.
Pip’s currently doing this weird little laugh thing EVERY time she says anything and I had to ask her to stop it because it was maddening. I suppose it’s like when you get a tune in your head.
If you look hard enough we can all be diagnosed for all sorts. Sim says Maya suffers from “grandiose delusions” and “oppositional defiance disorder”, we’re hoping she grows out of them 😉
Comment by Heather — 23 September 2005 @ 8:29 pm
Not much left to say but if it is really concerning you then a tip we were given to distract Thomas’ twiddling into something more, well socially acceptable I suppose, was to give him something like a stress ball or some blu tack in his pocket so if he needed to touch he could play with that and it would help. We didn’t get round to doing it, it seemed to ease itself away but it might help? Again though I wouldn’t mention it unless its getting to the point where hes doing physical damage to himself. We are watching Brogans handwashing atm although I suspect for him its the novelty of being allowed to play with the tap 😉 but hes doing that fairly often. Kinsey strokes eyebrows, its how he gets himself to sleep but does it in the day when hes stressed just to add our foibles to the list! I twiddled my hair. I remember reading to my teacher when I was 5 and she mentioned it to me. I tried not to do it again but of course still do now!
Comment by SallyM — 24 September 2005 @ 9:09 am
Yep, most people have these sorts of habits. Both of our kids have had things that have come and gone. The most difficult was a scratching that P did at three/four/five that would leave her arm raw. We used to stick a plaster over, which she would scratch instead. She was very stressed at that age.
My sister had a habit of picking hems undone when she was stressed. When she was a student she completely unhemmed the living room curtains in her shared house!
I like to fiddle with fluff and stroke nice feeling fabric, which I used to do in tandem with finger sucking as a child. Don’t suck fingers any more but sometimes wish I could, as I recall it was really relaxing…
Like everyone else has said – I wouldn’t make a thing of it. It will probably disappear one day without you even noticing. Then there’ll be something else to worry about, probably! Such is parenthood.
Comment by Allie — 25 February 2008 @ 9:03 pm