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Or whoever else might be reading this….

I’m missing the regularity of honest blogging. The WW blog needs to be slightly sanitised, well OK a lot sanitised and so much new stuff is happening these days it’s odd not to be spewing it all out somewhere.

So -  a quick catch up on what happened since I last blogged in October when we had decided to leave Rum for the winter and head to Glastonbury first…

We spent the last few weeks on Rum saying goodbye – privately to animals, to the croft and to our favourite places on the island and more publically to friends on Rum and in the wider community. It was exciting, daunting and slightly odd because we didn’t really know how long we were going for or precisely where.

We left Rum on 16th November. We’d had a proper goodbye party in the hall the weekend before and various people came to wave us off at the ferry on the day we left. Lesley cried, Jed looked very sad. It was quite a tough day. I sniffled a bit in the loo having watched the people left on the island get tinier and tinier as the ferry moved away. The kids sat downstairs, Ady and I sat with Steve the Man upstairs chatting. A massive cloud of rain chased us across the sea and as we pulled into Mallaig so there was a huge rainbow. It felt a bit symbolic!

We spent the first night in Fort William. Ady and I had a meal in the pub below the Travelodge and Bad Neil came along for a drink too which was good as I’d not said goodbye to him before we left. The next morning we all had dentist appointments and then finally we were on our way to Sussex. It was a really long day – it was already dark before we’d left Scotland. I think we arrived at my parents around 1am. Mad!

We had the weekend there with them and saw Frazer, Kat & Robin before heading down to Glastonbury on the Monday.

Glastonbury was everything we expected it might be. We had a lovely cottage, worked ridiculously hard and had very little time to ourselves. Jill and Johnny were both incredibly generous, very demanding  and both easy and tricky to be with. We got to know the new staff, reacquainted ourselves with the old ones and it was a full on but overall good few weeks. We were there for Scarlett’s birthday and had a day at Bristol zoo for that which was ace. I went to Bath Spa with Jill, we got treated to so many lunches and dinners out I lost count. We were there for the staff Christmas party, the Christmas open house, a late night shopping farm shop opening event… we celebrated the Solstice with Sam-next-door in his garden and a bonfire. We all got ill with a cold. We went to a zombie flashmob, the Frost fayre, Christmas shopping, a pub decorated as a gingerbread house, the poshest houseparty I’ve ever been to, a pub beer garden in the freezing cold. We never went swimming! Ady and Scarlett had horse riding lessons.

We had Paul & Carol over for lunch, Steve & Sarah for lunch, Heather & Derek for dinner, Jim to stay the night, Mum & Dad visited for a weekend, Naomi Lock & her kids came over several times. We went to Heather & Derek’s for dinner and met all their friends at their local pub.

We went back to Sussex for Christmas & new year. We visited Osborne Drive, met the tenants, got our old roof box back. Saw loads of Frazer, Kat & Robin, had a visit from my step-grandmother, met a friend Helen, saw Jay & Maisie, Saw Ali & Freya, had dinner at Mike & Rose’s, got an Alexa! Spent hours and hours in Sainsburys! Went to Worthing town centre and did Christmas shopping, enjoyed queuing in Argos! Went out for lunches and dinners. Got really into the darts championship. Dashed up to the top of the hill across the road to watch the new years fireworks, made my parents repeat their wedding vows to each other. Had a very lovely chat with my Dad which I’ll remember and treasure forever about how important we are to each other.

Left Sussex and went to Manchester for a few hours with Lynda and Stuart. Spent a night in Holyhead followed by a ridiculously long and super stressful day and night of travelling across the sea and down Ireland thanks to disrupted ferries from storm Eleanor.

Arrived here in Ireland. If I’m honest slightly disappointed at the house. It has masses of quirky charm, is definitely better than a caravan in January but is not quite the cosy winter hideout I had hoped for. It is lacking in furniture and furnishings, it is not super warm, the internet is getting used up way quicker than I anticipated. I could compile a list of things I’d change but that would be dwelling on the negatives rather than accentuating the positives…. 😉 There is much here to fall in love with, there is much here to learn, there is much here to look back on.

We’ve been to Galway, to Sligo, to Castlebar. We spend a lot of time in Claremorris which definitely now feels like home. We have a loyalty card for Supervalu the local supermarket. We know where to get rid of rubbish and recycling and snaffle free wifi. We know what time to go to Tesco for reduced to clear, we know many people called Joe and someone called Eamon.

We’ve had seaweed baths and drunk (yes, we know now you are not supposed to!) holy water at Knock Shrine. We drove at speed through Tuam and were ripped off for ten euro at the tip. If we don’t lose a tyre to the dreadful potholes in the roads round here we’ll be doing bloody well.

Clare and Elinor visited, next weekend we’re off to visit them and spend some time in Northern Ireland. We had a few places and experiences left on our list of things to do here which we should tick off before we go.

We’ve decided to leave early although we’ve not told the landlords. We are supposed to be here til the end of March. For various reasons – them not being fantastic landlords, the house not being quite what we expected included, along with having decided we’re going back to Rum and wanting to get back and start getting on with things, we are going back at the end of February. This does mean breaking our contract and we may lose our desposit in lieu of the last months rent which we’ll not be paying as we’ll not be here. We will see what happens with that but while I hope we get at least some of it back I am also accepting of us not doing so should the landlord be arsey with us.

Davies and I are continuing to study. We are still slightly ahead. In our first assessments Davies got 50%, well over the pass mark of 40% and I got 79%. I was marked down for getting one question only partly right, Davies got one wrong. We have already submitted our second assessments and are hoping for improvements on our first scores. We’re both enjoying the subject matter. Davies finds the assessments trickier which is understandable having never done anything like it before ever, but he has a good relationship with his tutor and is really interested in the psychology and child psychology modules of the unit so is still thinking he will continue and start a degree in that area. I am undecided about further study for myself. I can think of many better uses of my time but am also finding doing well quite enjoyable and curious to know how I would do with further study so am still looking at further courses to see if anything captures my interest.

Davies’ current plan is to finish his access course, sign up for the first bit of a degree course and carry on with that. He wants to pass his driving test this year, plan some travel for next year and look at part time job opportunities on Rum to earn some money and get some work experience. I miss the little boy he used to be. I love the young man he has become.

Scarlett is steadfastly refusing to move any further with literacy. This worries Ady and mostly does not bother me. She navigates her way through any literacy challenges she faces with her usual capable manner and mix of tricks to find ways round things. I am mostly of the opinion that this is a more admirable and useful skill than the reading and writing! She is very close to her Irish friend E, speaking to her daily. This is a good thing for her as she has not managed to stay so close to previous friends as their interests and lifestyles have moved far away from hers and the common threads have stretched too fine to keep them in touch. I hope this friendship endures and grows but even if it does not she is getting so much from it. She is wanting to expand on her cake making and decorating this year. She could do with some attention from me I think, must find a way to make that happen.

Well that’s a bit of a catch up. A starting point at least. I’ll see how I get on with coming back for more.

Hello, it’s been a while hasn’t it?! Stuff has happened and been decided and new things have occurred.

We’re heading off of Rum, at least for the winter, maybe for longer. Off to Glastonbury to stay at Middlewick from mid November til Christmas. Not sure just yet quite what we’ll be doing but I do know where we’ll be staying and it will be lovely and bigger than a caravan with a bath and a washing machine and stuff.

Christmas with Mum and Dad, and Frazer, Kat & Robin which will also be lovely. And challenging. But hopefully mostly lovely.

Access to all the joys and delights and trappings of the mainland – shops, cinema, junk food, people, opportunities, friends….

We’ll either come back running and screaming for our lives here on Rum or stay forever. Either will involve readjustment and compromise and much discussion. Interesting times are ahead.

Meanwhile Davies has signed up for and started an access course with the OU. People, work and Society. I’ve also started it – partially so I can assist, partially cos I thought I might be envious if he did it as it’s also *my* subject area and partially to see if I might want to embark on further education myself. So far (and it is very, very early days) it’s going really well. We’ve finished the introduction and unit one and are stuck into unit two already. We’re ahead as actually it doesn’f officially start until this weekend and we are already well into the second week’s worth of study but it’s been good to get a flavour and a head start and think / talk about how it might all pan out. We have different tutors for it which should be good and we’re currently working through it together with me guiding Davies and helping him interpret the material and understand what is being asked of him. We paused at the end of the first unit to reflect on how it was going and he said that he felt he would have struggled without me but can see already that he is starting to better grasp what is being asked of him which is what I’ve been helping to de-code. If it carries on like this then I think it will go well and he may well continue with further study.

I’m sure I have much more to say to catch up, but this is a start and I’ll try hard to come back soon.

Not sure whether I’m writing to anyone other than future me, but as present and past me has enjoyed reading back on old blog posts over the years I am assuming that future me might well do so aswell.

Social media and real life conversations seem to mean I am no longer keeping all my ‘we might do this’ and ‘here is what I’m thinking about that’ type stuff in one place any more like I used to. But I use then all in slightly different ways and so there is an editedness to each of those versions. I’m going to do that here too, to an extent because a lot of my head is filled with political thoughts and philosophical ponderings and activist leanings, none of which are really for anyone other than me and so this is not the place to share them really. But I’m noting that they are there and future me will know what I’m on about!

So, April. That was busy then!

I blogged the Maisie visit already, that went really well. We had The Barts here, another lovely visit with the teens falling into their usual groove and the adults pretending to be teens! As usual Kirsty did a fine job of tarring my wings and giving me stuff to think about. Some of which I have even done (improving etsy listings).

Then Mum & Dad. It was a pretty good visit all things considered. I worry about them. I worry about them coming here- it’s a huge journey. I worry about whether each visit might be their last here. I worry about not being around them and how only seeing them 2 or 3 times a year throws into such sharp relief how they are ageing. Mum is not in a good place at all. As suspected retirement very much is not suiting her. She is probably the ‘busiest’ person I know and so to have lost the directed busyness of a full time job has put her already rather fragile mental health into a worse place. As always I veer between impatient and frustrated with her, which I don’t always hide very well, and worried and caring, which I probably hide better than I should. Sigh. I gave her lots of the sort of constructive advice I would like to be given by someone who cares about me if I were struggling but I know without being around more to support her into some of the things I think she should do, she will founder. Dad is not remotely supportive and infact is often obstructive. Dad is fine, older, more mellow in some ways, more grumpy and intolerant in others. It’s odd to reflect six years in on how far our lives have diverged from theirs living so far apart. I guess it could have been predicted, it has been obvious if I thought about it but it remains a very sad fact of the life we have chosen that we have effectively emigrated to a life so different from that of our families and friends. A relationship of 43 years – my whole life, with my Dad means we are no less close once we are together again but I am ever aware that time with him is finite and if I think about it for any length of time – even typing this – my eyes well up and I know that I am already regretting having spent so much time apart from him knowing one day he won’t be around any more. This has always been and always will be the hardest bit for me of our move here.

Time off Rum – we visited our local friends, for the daughter J’s birthday. It was as all visits there are, nice enough interspersed with large chunks of irritating, annoying or just plain boring. Maybe I’m just a crap friend! Davies and Scarlett felt much the same though, largely enjoyed it but with lots of bitching and OH MY GOD do you remember when they did / said / came out with X once we all got back in the car to drive away again!

A couple of nights in Fort William – Scarlett’s penultimate orthodentist trip – hurrah! She’s got the date at the end of June to have the lot removed and a retainer fitted. She has done so well with it, I am so very, very proud of her and her attitude to the whole thing. I really hope she feels the end result is worth it. I certainly think it is.

The Ireland trip for Scarlett and I which was just fabulous. Marred only by not having Ady and Davies with us I think. We both missed them both a lot and it felt very odd indeed to be doing some of the cool things without them. It was lovely from my point of view to have time just with Scarlett and build some ‘me and her’ memories but it is not our dynamic and took nothing away from how much we love each other to acknowledge missing the other half of our unit. I’ve blogged about Ireland over on the WW Blog so don’t need to talk more. I really want to go back.

Davies and I had some pretty interesting / serious / full on chats, mostly while we were away, as interestingly such talks always seem easier without the Rum bubble around us. Or maybe it’s without usual distractions, or perhaps its like the old car – ed phenomena of old where a change of scenery or no direct eye contact or a drifting mind allows for a different take on stuff. Anyway… we talked about what he might want to do next, careers advice, general life direction type stuff and about leaving / staying / coming back to Rum. Growing up and independence. All of that sort of thing. Mostly about trying to identify what it might be he wanted to do long term and then finding ways which worked towards it in the short term but were enjoyable and interesting for their own sake too, about finding opportunities and about absolutely not feeling under pressure from anyone to do anything / think any way / feel anything. He digested that for a few weeks and then came back to me and we’ve looked at driving theory tests online, done loads of psychometric tests and careers quizzes, also looked at things like political compass tests and talked about lots of debate type issues. The end result of that has been Davies signing up to study with the OU. He starts an access course in October for just 9 hours a week which could lead him to the current degree he is most interested in which is Psychology with Counselling. He’s chatted to the advisor on the phone and with my help compiled an email reply to her. He’s now waiting for the final bit of the enrolment process but basically that is him on the road to where at this stage he thinks he would like to be. If we do spent September off island then I would like him to do an intensive driving course and try and get his licence as that would then mean he could use the little car we have and suddenly his world will explode with possibility. Fucking terrifying for me and Ady obviously, but massively exciting at the same time. I likely have lots more to say about all that but there is the introduction to it at least.

Meanwhile on Rum…. we’re in that lovely bit of Rum life where there are tourists about and people spending money in the shop and animals are breeding and crops are growing. We’re about to take over the tenancy of additional croft land which will almost double what we have and give us an area of woodland too. At the moment we are very much feeling that going off for the winter is right but that we will likely come back in the spring with an improved business plan to try and make Rum more financially viable for us and ways to improve living standards for ourselves. We’re still very open to the idea of something more interesting or better appearing and persuading us otherwise and Rum itself community wise is getting worse rather than better, but it seems that the rest of the world is no less mad, angry or suffering from the wrong people leading things in the wrong direction. Might as well be putting up with that somewhere beautiful with lots of freedom?!

I’m waiting to hear from Jill in Glastonbury whether she has further plans for us for both the house sit in September and the possible work over winter. If September doesn’t happen that is no bad thing, we actually quite like September here anyway. If there is not a place for us over winter there then we need to start planning what we’ll do instead though.

She’s still here actually, but only for another day and night, so I think I am safe in blogging it.

I was worried about this visit. 10 days here on Rum, 2 weeks away from Sussex for Maisie with two massive 18 hour coach trips with various changes and hanging about for her. She is ‘only’ 14. I was also, a little selfishly, fretful about how the visit would pan out. Maisie has been through a lot in the last year including a self harming incident, her parents splitting up (still in the middle of a very messy split infact) and a whole load of upheaval quite aside from just being 14 which can quite frankly be a tricky enough time to negotiate ones way through without any external nonsense.

I was worried she would be so much older than Scarlett, that her presence might upset the dynamic here between the four of us and the two siblings. I had a bit of a ‘change bad’ worry about the whole thing.

I needn’t have done. It has been straightforward, easy, natural and a pleasure. She is a delightful young woman, still the girl we have known forever, still an extension of our family, easy company and in the same way as I have found most teenagers to be an interesting, funny, bright and sparky individual to be around. She is different to Davies and Scarlett definitely, you can see very clearly the difference in what they have experienced the last five years or so. Maisie is more streetwise, less capable. More sociable and outgoing, less thoughtful and articulate. Total swings and roundabouts and of course much more a product, person, individual than just having lived on Rum / lived in Sussex, but there is a clear difference which is easy to spot. She reminds me a lot of Clara who was here with us a few years ago who we met on our cob course. Quite vague and scatty and irresponsible but very charming and fun and up for anything.

It’s been fab for Davies, really, really good for Scarlett and also really, really really good for Ady actually who keenly feels the lack of contact to his family, particularly in comparison to mine and of course Maisie is a Goddard, related by blood to him.

In other news – loads of my seedlings are doing well, I’m holding off planting out as the temperature is set to plummet again in the coming week so they will have to stay in the polytunnel a wee while longer before hitting the soil. I’ve cleared a couple of raised beds when weather has allowed for weeding.

I’ve made a load of new hats and some paracord midge keyrings for the shop, determined to use up craft materials and have a good final season the shed.

I put out the last copy of the Rumble – a newsletter for Rum I started way back. It’s monthly and this final issue was number 51, so over 4 years of monthly newsletters. It’s dwindled a lot in terms of contributions in the last year or so and I feel good about letting it go, it’s time was up. Another thing to log as having done, done well and been proud of and known when to end it.

I’ve been exchanging emails with an independent TV producer bloke who is keen to talk to us about a TV documentary. He is even keener to learn we are moving on and thinks that would make a great story. I am not sure but am happy to talk to him.

Ukulele has been shelved a little with company here but I’ve been podcasting like mad listening to all manner of interesting stuff.

We discovered a dead whale washed up on the beach. This might be exciting news, we’re reported it to the relevant bodies.

It’s been a good couple of weeks. Jill (Glastonbury) is sort of on the case coming up with stuff we can maybe do down there for the winter which would be good. She has also asked if we’d be up for housesitting for them in September and we have said we would be. That gives us a deadline for getting rid of all the Croft 3 animals (Bonnie & Kira aside) and a taste of the mainland before coming back in October for 6 weeks or so to properly pack up for the winter. I do like autumn here so would be a bit sorry to miss the final September but of course no bramble picking / jam making and then back for the deer rut anyway might work out just fine.

There appears to be a weird sort of conspiracy of silence thing going on with our leaving not really being talked about apart from by Neil & Lesley. Very strange.

I’ve been listened to some fantastic podcasts, particularly a series on feminism and getting both frustrated at the world and excited at the prospect of being back in a position to start doing my little bit towards making it a better place again back in the world outside the Rum bubble.

Davies and I finished watching Hannibal, really enjoyed both the actual show and the watching something with Davies.

Scarlett and I have been doing lots of baking /cake decorating.

We’ve all been doing lots of talking about next steps and putting together wish lists. It’s sort of starting to be exciting now.

The weekly Sheerwater boat trip we have so loved each week through the summer isn’t happening this year. This is both very sad as we’ll miss it and somehow serves to demonstrate to us that our time here is indeed done as so many of the things we have held dear no longer exist.

A monthly bring and share meal which had added bonus appearances by the Friends of Kinloch Castle Association this Saturday. It was a good Rum night with the usual late nights, stumbling walk home, utter over indulgence and a whisky club, late night singing and proclaiming love for all and sundry. It was a good night, it was also slightly tainted by the knowledge we are now counting down to only a handful of these monthly events and a feeling that as good as they have been it might well be time to move on as there is a smaller and smaller number of people each time and a slightly more obvious feeling of desperation about them and the need to convince ourselves we are having a great time….

I am utterly loving my ukulele. And probably not actually the ukulele but the singing that accompanies it. I am convinced my singing has massively improved as a result of doing it daily and at proper performance level where I can actually hear myself sing instead of along to a track on spotify where I can tail off if I can’t quite hit the note or don’t know the words. This is a good thing and I’m enjoying it. Will definitely find some way of doing something musical once we hit the mainland again.

The wish list making is great for making all four of us ponder further on what happens next. We are about to embark on a mental six weeks of guests here, trips off and the start of the season in turns of tourists and growing stuff. May will likely seem like a breeze in comparison!

As in another two weeks gone by…

What has been missed? Community bring & share meal with a theme of winter leftovers. We took lots of sausages.

A very wet beach clean. I was not entirely cheerful (read utterly grumpy) but did it.

A mainland trip – 3 nights for Davies, Scarlett and I with Ady joining us for 2 nights. Dentist check up for Scarlett, all still well and progressing. Baths, crap TV and 24 hour power and wifi for all. It was a nice break.

The start of spring – sowing seeds, weeding and planting, getting the water hooked up to the polytunnel again.

Telling Rum friends about our plans to head off. At this stage we are only committing to a winter off Rum with the short term plan to return next spring unless something better presents itself. This feels like an achievable approach for all concerned. Now it’s sort of out there we can start to make real plans without fretting about people finding out.

Watching lots of Hannibal with Davies.

More ukulele-ing, definitely my new favourite thing.

Filled with good intentions (the sort the road to hell is paved with….) I have a partially composed post in draft about where D&S are now which has distracted me from the daily / sort of daily blogging and meant nearly 2 weeks have passed.

Two weeks in which we have:

• Spent a day mincing, mixing and sausage stuffing to fill the freezer with 45kg of Blackie sausages. They are delicious, by far the nicest sausages we have ever made. There is much to be said about slow grown meat.
• Invested in a self-basting pot roaster and done lots of research on pressure cookers. The Blackie joints are full of flavour but tough on texture so required a slow roast. The couple I have tried have been delicious tasting but a little on the dry side so we bought a roaster to help with slow cooking them. Our electric slow cooker is one of the kitchen aids I am most looking forward to getting back out and using once we have mainland power again. So far though the roaster is a win.
• Ady has done a few days work with Internet Ian, the Hebnet guy getting cables, towers and other IT related stuff up hills. Some with Bad Neil, some with Sean, all with Ian. He’s come back very cold and very wet but £15 an hour better off and enjoying the challenge.
• Bob Pig is now in with Barbara, BenFogle & Waddles pig. This is going tentatively well with some pig political wrangling still to be ironed out.
• Davies and I have started watching Hannibal together. It’s pretty dark, no actually it’s very dark but it’s also pretty good. We’re enjoying it. Can totally see why it’s an 18.
• Prosecco Mairi came! She arrived on the Saturday morning boat and stayed til Monday afternoon. We had a lovely few days, lots and lots of prosecco drunk, a visit down to the shop to catch up with Rum friends, some late night heart to hearts. All good.
• I’ve done a lot of logistic. The whole of April with spill over into late March and early May is full with people coming to visit, us going off and all the organisation that entails. Car booked on and off Rum, ferries planned, accommodation arranged and contacting various family and friends to confirm, arrange and work out who will be where when. Looking forward to it lots. Also know come the second week in May we will be very ready to breath deeply, sleep in our own beds and not have anyone kipping anywhere else in the caravan!
• Played much ukulele. My new one arrived, a £40 concert uke to replace the tenner soprano one I started on. I actually have callouses on the ends of three of my fingers and they are perpetually numb. I am reliably informed this means progress has been made. I’m getting there with chord changes, strumming patterns, finger picking and even singing while I play. A very steep learning curve but I am really enjoying it.

Which I think brings me up to date and reminds me once again to get back to that draft post….

Not literally, obviously.

Monday – Was mad windy. Boat cancelling, turbine tied up windy. At least some of us went to the village to the freezer but I am not at all sure of which combination of us it was. I must have been outside at some point though because I do remember it being very windy indeed.

Tuesday – We all went down to the village in the morning. Scarlett and I posted her very overdue parcel to her friend in Ireland – a combined Christmas and birthday parcel, then we all went into the hall as Marine Harvest fish farm were over to chat to the community about various fish farm off Rum updates. Interesting, a shame so few people turned up. I like Chris the high up manager bloke, met him quite a few times. He looks a lot like David Cameron and has the same politicians way about him that makes him slightly untrustworthy in that ‘you can trust me’ type way in a business way but I think he’s a generally nice bloke and very good at remembering details about people that have come up in conversation.

Back at home I got venison pie filling cooking and then went out to feed the animals with Ady.

Wednesday – in the morning I spent some time in the walled garden. I planted out garlic, onion sets and some seed potatoes. The soil under the raised beds I have mulched is amazing, really rich and dark, well drained and crumbly. So pleased that I have managed to improve soil, be excellent if I can actually grow something in it this year.

Lots more ukulele-ing and then Crafternoon for me. Had a really good chat with Ali while Fliss was out collecting the girls from school. Nice to reconnect a bit with her. Home for steak and chips for dinner.

Thursday – In the morning Ady and I went down to get some bits from the shop and theoretically collect the post except we managed to collect instead the pre-post delivery of a prescription inhaler for me and a parcel which Derek the postman had already left in the car which we use as our post box, failing to realise until we were practically home again that maybe he had not actually sorted the post at that point. So Davies and Scarlett went back to collect it later.

Ady and I cut down some dead branches from a tree at the bottom of the croft, bought them back up and split them for firewood. More ukulele-ing including finally cracking La Vie En Rose which was one of the two songs I most wanted to learn. Hurrah.

Friday – today – We had made sure we didn’t need to visit the village today. It was a mostly grey day despite the forecast being for sunshine. This morning I made pizza dough, practised ukulele-ing and did the Rum Rumble monthly newsletter. After lunch I spent a couple of hours cutting chicken wire into strips and stapling it onto the wooden path that Ady had built up to the caravan so it doesn’t get slippy when it’s wet or muddy. It turned into a lovely evening so we had our last cup of tea outside, watched the stars appear and the moon rise. I rang my parents and we had pizza for dinner.

This blog is very blah blah blah these days with not much actual talk of Davies & Scarlett and what they are up to. Given it’s fairly select readership I might start writing a bit more about them here so that I have a record for them to read at some future point.

Wednesday – I have no inkling of what I did in the morning. I know Ady finished the path. It now reaches all the way up to the caravan!

In the afternoon I went down to Fliss’ for Crafternoon. I arrived at hers as she was heading off to collect the girls from school so I walked along with her, marching at Fliss pace is tough, particularly while talking too. I was a bit ranty having felt pissed off at the AGM the day before. It’s a funny old balance just now of wanting to remain present until we actually know what we’re doing next while not feeling as invested in Rum as we were before.

Debs and Ali came along too when we got back and it was a nice afternoon if a bit generally ranty about Rum folk.

When I got home we decided that we would do Blackie the following day as looking at the forecast for the week ahead it was the best day for a while. We emailed David who was to be our back up gun man just incase anything went wrong and arranged for him to come up at 930 the next morning.

Thursday – I had not slept at all well. A combination of various things including Blackie on my mind. We went over and our planned getting Blackie out of the pen she shared with Bob went way smoother than expected. Ady then ran out of the bucket of food he had lured her over with and after a bit of hurried chatting we decided to go ahead and try. So he did. Bolt gun didn’t quite take her down and had her staggering but very much in the style of a headless chicken in as much as she was not conscious as such. She then dropped and rolled into the muddiest ditch on the croft. Ady did a second bolt which killed her and then slit her throat. It was fast, respectful and calm. Just as we always insist on it being.

We decided that with David’s help (and we could hear him coming) we would be able to get her out of the ditch so Ady went to get some rope. She was actually far, far heavier than we had assumed and we could not get her out of the ditch at all. We were resigned to making the best of a muddy butchering job but David suggested the winch on the argocat which he had come up to the croft in so he went to get it and it worked. Amazing bit of kit!

We stopped for a cup of tea and fully expected David to head away but he offered to stay and help so while he and Ady skinned and began quartering I whizzed off to the pier to meet the ferry as we were expecting animal feed and diesel to come off, which it did. Back to the croft and three hours later we finally had a butchered pig in various labelled bags. David very kindly ran me and the meat down to the village to put it all in  the freezer while Ady cleared up. Later I did a bit more processing indoors, chopping up steaks and diced meat and packing and labelling that up to take down the following day. So, so much meat! Having tried both a loin and a roasting joint it is very flavourful meat but clearly from a much older animal than we have previously been used to (all of our previous pigs have been well under a year old when we’ve killed them). It is much tougher and is going to need longer cooking times but has a nice flavour. It won’t be suitable for pork chops or stir fries though I don’t think. Lots of slow roasting joints and loads and loads of sausages though! I’ve ordered metres and metres of skins and rusk mix so when that arrives next week we will have a day of mincing and sausage making.

I was utterly knackered by the evening. A day of standing outside in the cold bent over the table cutting had taken its toll along with the bad nights sleep from the night before. I slept very well that night!

Friday – We wheelbarrowed the animal feed up from the day before, pumped the tyre up on the Jeep and I made bread and pizza dough. Then Ady and I went down with the rest of the meat and the laundry to the village. We put the washing on and spent some time sorting out the freezers. We are borrowing a second freezer for the extra pork just now so swapped stuff between the two and organised them a bit better. We put the washing into the dryer and then headed around to the shop as we’d arranged to meet a few folk for Friday night beers. A nice couple of hours chatting to friends and then home for pizza.

Saturday – Ady went to meet the boat as we had petrol coming off and he collected the laundry. Then we went back down in the afternoon to watch the rugby. We had originally planned to meet in the hall but the heating is broken and Jed had said we could use the bunkhouse instead as long as we took pictures as he is wanting to compile an album of all of the bunkhouse in action shots. It was Lesley, Neil, David, volunteer Ben and us although a few others had hijacked the invite the night before none of them ended up coming after all. Davies and Scarlett had thought about coming down too but in the end there was wind turbine power and it was raining so they stayed home instead. I confess to not remotely understanding rugby but was happy to eat pizza, drink cider and hang out with friends anyway!

Home for curry.

Sunday – this morning it was sunny and so I finally got outside and finished planting the last 30 odd trees. There is other stuff I could start to do outside – some weeding, some planting and some sowing but it is so, so muddy and the ground is so cold that it is not a rush to get anything done just yet. Good to be out in the sunshine for an hour or so though. This afternoon Davies and I looked at youtube tutorials for guitar and ukelele and he got out the guitar Mike lent / gave him and learned a few chords. Scarlett has managed to get herself into a nocturnal sleep pattern from staying up all night listening to an audio book then falling asleep on the sofa all afternoon, repeating it the following day and then struggling to sleep last night. So she got up early-ish this morning and spent a couple of hours outside walking briskly around the croft to get fresh air and exercise in an effort to wear herself out and sleep tonight. So far I don’t think she’s managed to fall asleep but I admire her efforts!

Roast pork for dinner and downloaded Let It Shine on iplayer. Which brings me more or less up to date.

Friday and Saturday I had decided to stay in the caravan and continue resting the ankle of doom. I did lots of crochet, tea drinking, online bits and pieces and ukelele-ing. I was having a bit of a crisis of confidence with the ukekele but chatting to various folk online persuaded me to keep at it and five days later with probably an hour most days of practise I actually feel like I have made some proper progress. I still think the bloke on youtube who said the best thing about ukelele is that it’s piss easy was lying but it’s not quite impossible either…

Saturday was a lovely Graham Norton sandwich too with radio in the morning and Let It Shine in the evening. I do love him lots. Watched the downloaded Friday night chat show on Sunday too so a GN filled weekend 🙂

I made a start on a crochet midge to send to Lynda who had asked for a green one to go with the blue one I sent her last year. It just needs wings now. Need to knock out a few more of them actually as there is only 2 in the shed just now.

In the afternoon we did our hour of RSPB birdwatching. Considering we live on a National Nature Reserve we don’t get a lot of birds actually landing here on the croft although obviously things like eagles, herons and ravens are regular spots overhead. We tallied up three hooded crows, a robin, a wagtail and a dunnock in our hour or staring from three windows.

I started learning Creep on the uke. Ady made a very lovely Chinese style curry in honour of Chinese New Year.

Sunday – I decided outsideyness was back on the agenda so headed out with the drill to finally dismantle those cloches. All now done, ripped plastic disposed off, wood stacked up with screws removed for building other things or burning and hoops now secured with bamboo cane stakes. The plastic is down there ready to go on the hoops but I need to weed the strawberry beds first and cover the bare soil with some sort of mulch to inhibit more weed growth. It was so muddy and slippy that I fell over twice in there and decided that weeding in those conditions was ill advised. I did plants a few trees (we have about 30 leftover from the big tree planting) but my dibber snapped off in the ground and then I slipped over again so decided it was lunchtime!

During the welly removal ceremony I managed to slip again and fell on the sporran hurting the backs of both legs, one knee, one hand and in still finding new bruises three days later I appear to have also hurt my lower arm… Arses! So that put an end to my intention to go back outside after lunch and instead I learnt Amazing Grace on the ukelele in an ironic fashion.

Monday – I was very stiff and so Ady did the run to the village for various things but I did chop up a massive load of firewood so felt productive even if I was pretty immobile. More uke-ing and a nice dinner.

Today – was the AGM for the IRCT so after we went to the ferry we headed along to the bunkhouse for that. It was a good turnout and a fairly good meeting although was quite un-dynamic which helps cement the idea that moving on is right. Nothing much is going to change here any time soon and while I passionately believe in being the change you want to see in the world I also don’t believe in imposing your will on others. If so many people (hard to define ‘so many’ when there are barely 20 adults I know) are so obstructive and resistant to change then it is probably best to find somewhere and someone who is more on the same page. That sounds negative and defeatist and was not really the tone of the afternoon, I just know from a bigger picture point of view that our needs not being met current feeling is unlikely to change any time soon.

This afternoon when we got home I did more ukelele-ing. I have very sore fingers but am starting to feel a sense of achievement to to go with them.

After lots and lots of talking the four of us have decided that this will be our last year on Rum. We don’t want to do another winter in the caravan and for various reasons it is no longer meeting all of our needs.

It is not without a certain amount of uncertainty, definitely for Scarlett, who doesn’t want to leave but can also see the downsides of Rum and doesn’t want to be the one stopping us leaving. Davies at the moment is ready to go, wanting things which just aren’t here and while Ady and I don’t feel done with the place yet we also feel tired and ready for challenges of a different sort and for our energies to maybe be directed elsewhere.

It’s all still very new to us as an idea although we have been talking about moving on for a while we are now starting to talk about it properly as a plan rather than vaguely as an abstract notion. We did get in contact with Croftsitter Jen who is in the throes of her own life changing journey this year and could possibly have seen this as a good place to start. We initially offered a sublet of the croft for a fixed term with flexibility in extending it but would also have considered selling the tenancy and all the improvements / caravan / set up / livestock too. It’s a challenge too far for her too though, as tempted as she was which leaves us with options of selling the tenancy and leaving forever with no ties, attempting to sublet the tenancy or applying for an authorised leave of absence from the Crofting Commission. Given our teenage children with no further education or employment opportunities nearby we would be a cert to be granted that, initially for 2 years and then pretty easily for at least a further 2 if we applied for an extension to take both kids to post 18. That would then mean any of the four of us could come back and carry on – maybe all of us, maybe one of the kids, maybe Ady and I as empty nesters. In 2-5 years Rum will definitely have moved on in one or other direction, for good or bad. There may be available housing to rent or buy in the village to make it an easier life, there may be employment opportunities and a bigger more exciting community.  Whatever, the feeling from all four of us that we have invested sufficient in both Croft 3, the island and it’s community in terms of finances, energy and time means we would feel justified in mothballing Croft 3 and returning at a later date. It won’t necessarily be a very popular move with some of the people here but a) we won’t be here b) it won’t be hampering community progress and development in any real quantifiable manner and c) we need to put ourselves and our childrens’ future first all of which may well be for Rum’s long term good anyway.

So that’s Rum and Croft 3. We reckon we could pack up from now to leaving on the ferry in about 6 weeks very comfortably, quicker if needs be, allowing time for dismantling what we’d want to take, closing down and securing what we’d leave behind and rehoming or otherwise dealing with any livestock. We could apply for the leave of absence after we had already left if needs be so that doesn’t need to be dealt with in any hurry. We would inform the IRCT making it clear we fully intend to return once the children are settled.

So where will we go and what will we do next? That is the big question and the one which will take time to work out. We are not in a tearing hurry and infact I particularly want to enjoy the last year of the best bits of Rum aware it’s the last time. I want another spring, another summer and another autumn if possible. Another growing season, another year of Shearwater boat trips, another summer of visitors and daylight at midnight, another year of sales in the shop…which takes us to working back from that and deciding that if November would be the right sort of time to leave then we need to have an idea of where we’re going by August. So six months of research and discussion ahead.

At the moment we have a slightly random wish list: We want power again of some description so we can have always on internet, a fridge and freezer and a washing machine in the same space that we live in. We want a bath. We want a bit more space in the kids bedrooms and somewhere with less condensation! We still want lots of space outside for the cat and dog, we want to at least keep chickens and ducks, preferably larger livestock too, we want enough space to grow some food. We’d like to not have to work full time as employees although a part time job for one or both of us might be an option but we’d rather use the skills we have to do things we love if possible and are prepared to keep our living costs low to enable that. The kids are aware that they will probably need to think about earning some money for some of the extra stuff they might want to do. If there was a possibility of selling produce and crafts at markets, to tourists, to retailers then that would be great. No midges would be good. A better quality of soil to grow crops in would be great. We are not fussed about warmer but maybe less wet and windy would be nice. We’d like to be not too far from a coast and still have wildlife and wild landscapes nearby. All of that starts to paint a geographical picture for us to start looking within.

We would sell Osborne Drive if we found the perfect place, particularly if we could also generate income from a property eg smallholding with possibilities for accommodation / camping / rearing livestock / running courses. But we are cautious of doing so until we are certain we are in the right location so are considering renting or looking for jobs with tied accommodation. The kids don’t want to leave the UK.

If we could pick up what we have here on Rum and transport it to somewhere that had more people and a better dwelling we would want exactly that. We are about 90% to having everything we want but the 10% just now is looming too large and we may end up with a lower percentage of everything we want to meet the greater priority of current needs.

So that’s our news. Not groundbreaking really, I think we’ve all know this was a finite adventure and would likely run it’s course as Davies and Scarlett got older. It’s been, and continues to be, a fabulous adventure in a beautiful place where we have had a wonderful time and learned so very much. I am so pleased with took this opportunity and think this has been an amazing place for the kids to have the latter part of their childhood in. Ady and I have learnt so many skills and in many ways this five years have been the biggest of our whole lives. I’m hoping the next chapter will prove just as exciting and interesting, I don’t think any of the four of us are ready for anything less!

At this stage it’s a bit secret. We don’t want Rum friends to know and we have nothing definite to say anyway other than we are looking for a way not to be here over yet another winter.