My third and final offering…

I know, I know, but the other two were therapy, this one is a genuine blog of the day’s events 🙂

This morning didn’t really get going ’til about 10am – not sure why really. Dad appeared at 11 ish, he’d been rained off work so he came and had lunch with us, sat with the kids while I went round the shop for more bread and was generally a very good Grandad 🙂 When we left to go to ill fated HE group he left too and as we waved him off Scarlett said ‘ I love Grandad’, I replied ‘I love Grandad too’ swiftly followed by Davies saying ‘And I love Grandad three’ which made us all laugh a lot 🙂

HE group we will skirt over as I’ve already said my piece on that. Sadly I then sat hugely depressed about it and decided to check on line to see whether any decision had been made about our planning permission appeal to extend the house. It had and it was not good 🙁 It’s been refused again which means its a total no. Or even if it isn’t it is time to call it a day as far as we’re concerned 🙁

I sat with the kids feeling very glad I had watched Supernanny last night. I don’t always watch it unless it capture me in a positive way (infact Ady and I had a discussion about it last night as to whether it is a purely gratuitous show or if it has actual merit). Last night’s episode had me feeling real empathy for the mother. She loved her kids, but she felt spiralled out of control and ended up acting on their level instead of remaining the grown up. I have never dragged my child down the stairs by their ankles (and not sure she would have really done it!) but have been tempted 🙂 . Today I just sat with my precious babies and cuddled them close, told them how much I loved them and knew that little or nothing mattered all the time I could do that.

I had rung Ady at 4pm and he said he was just leaving the London store he was working in today and would not be too late.

At 6pm I cursed him.

At 7pm I put the dinner in and started getting the kids ready for bed.

At 8pm as I put a sleeping Scarlett into bed and shooed Davies into his and decided that I wouldn’t be seeing Ady again and the police would be arriving soon at the door saying ‘Mrs Goddard? It’s about your husband….’

At 8.10 he arrived home….

He hadn’t rung incase he disturbed the kids and I had not rung him cos I play this weird little game with myself that all the time I have not rung his mobile he is fine, but if I ring it and get no reply then I *know* something awful has happened. I hate his job – he travels an average of 150 miles per day on motorways, A roads and through town and city centres. He has been doing it for nearly a year, and frankly it is just as well I do not believe or practise any religion because the amount of ‘please God don’t let him have a crash’ each day and ‘thank God he is home safe’ each evening would wear out even the most omnipotent of worship figures.

Anyway once home he sorted all my day’s crap out for me and then we watched Grand Designs and walked about the house talking about knocking walls down, making ‘space’ and so on. I’m never sure whether we are naive in wanting to stay in this house we are so emotionally attached to (we bought it as a 2 bedroomed bungalow when we had only been together for 6 months – we spent our first valentines day as a couple sat in our own home, we built up and made it a four bedroomed house (although we don’t use it as such) and now we want to expand it again to fit our bigger family and HE plans. We have video footage of the first time we viewed the place as a very young, very excited (and in my case very skinny!) couple, it holds all of our memories of being a couple before children, bringing home our first child, moving away and then coming ‘home’ with our second child etc etc etc) and trying to keep it growing with us, or whether we should kiss it goodbye and
move on. We have a few more ideas to toss around to get the sort of living space and garden we need and it will still probably be cheaper to do that work to this house and stay here than it would to try and find such a house with all that already somewhere else. Although the pull of being with puddlers in Sheffield is strong I think these bricks and mortar have an even greater hold – for now 🙂