I’m so fretful about the pigs 🙁 I feel so guilty that two animals in our care have died. I can make lots of excuses or justifications and I know that in their name we will be better pigkeepers and learn lessons for the future but it utterly sucks that creatures have died in the name of our learning lessons. I think that they were just too small and thin to make it through this incredibly challenging winter – everyone on Rum is saying it has been the wettest, windiest winter they can ever remember. The wind is just relentless, we have almost gotten used to the walls flexing and the roof rattling it is so commonplace. That makes me feel bad that we did not manage to feed and fatten them sufficiently to give them reserves make it through and that we have failed to house them adequately. I am trying really hard not to get too hung up on this incase we lose any more of them because I don’t need to find sticks to beat myself with.
So this morning we planned to move them. Ady worked on building a new house with a floor while I worked on moving the fence. Except the electric fence wire is so tangled I spent bloody hours untangling rather than actually doing much else. I have now ordered new fence wire and a fancy reel to use so that this never happens again but for today it was grim, bleak and very frustrating. I should have put my waterproofs on but I thought it would be an hours job at most so went out in jeans and a padded shirt without even having had a cup of tea – that’s how optimistic I was. Four hours later, soaked to the skins, teeth chattering, shivering and utterly demoralised I came in having finished but feeling totally defeated. There was no bread because I’d not made any, I was very caffiene deficient, hungry, had not done anything towards the kids Christmas party and was wearing my very last pair of clean pants because the dirty laundry pile has grown to two bags while we hold off using the castle laundry until a) we have tested our washing machine and b) we have enough money to proces laundry at the castle.
So it all got very on top of me and I cried 🙁 Fortunately on the rare occasions when I lose it everyone else steps up. Scarlett came and pushed my hair behind my ears, passed me a tissue and gave me a fantastic pep talk, Davies bought me chocolate from the shop, people at the hall were lovely to me and people on facebook were even lovelier. Ady has been a superstar and now the fire is drying all the wet things (including a couple of pairs of emergency handwashed pants), I’ve had a drink or five, watched a Christmas movie and eaten (and drunk lots of tea) everything seems feasible and manageable again. Still lots to do – turkeys to kill, pluck and oven ready, much laundry to process, pig move to finish and wind turbine to put up – if it ever stops being so bloody windy!!! but we have two more days before we have declared the ‘end of term’ for Christmas break and I have gingerbread houses to construct, mince pies to bake, stockings to help make and snowball to drink – Monday and Tuesday is Family Christmas time regardless of anything else.
Counting down….
love you x x
Comment by hharicot — 22 December 2013 @ 11:32 pm
I can’t get on here from my phone so can’t read often. Hugs and Merry Christmas to the four of you xxxx
Comment by Mich — 23 December 2013 @ 10:31 am