2011 was toasted out with Rum, Jools Holland, love, laughter and a firm remembering that actually we end what has been an amazing year for us while moving into what promises to be another one. I’m up to March in my round up of 2011 which is of course when it all got really interesting and I think that will be an excellent exercise to remind me of just why we are currently homeless!
We saw 2011 in with Marcus and Michelle so it was lovely to see it out with them aswell, and even lovelier to have Chloe with us this year. Marcus cooked a delicious dinner, we all watched the fireworks at midnight and then some of us stayed up til nearly 4am watching Glastonbury highlights.
This morning I was woken with a cup of tea and a gentle brush on my cheek by someone who loves me – a great start to any new year :).
After a brunch we went off for a walk round a nearby nature reserve and back again which was perfect, blow away cobwebs, be out in the fresh air and nature. I walked with Davies for a while who was tired and a bit emotional and we talked through a few things. I hate knowing the kids are struggling and he rather is at the moment, possibly from too many conflicting emotions. We so need to be somewhere to give him a home and some stability again.
Back at M&Ms Davies and Scarlett were struggling with each other a bit so I took Tarly off for a chat and she crumpled, so fall out with her to deal with from yesterday too. She felt it was her fault, was worried Granny really meant all the things she said, that we’d never see them again, that she was responsible for me feeling so sad etc. So we sat on Michelle’s bathroom floor and talked it all out. I really don’t want to write my mother off as just mad to the kids, they have a relationship with her and deserve to be allowed to love her and make their own minds up without my feelings and experiences shaping that. Undoubtedly they will be aware of her flaws and of course I do feel the need to protect them from being on the wrong side of her crazier moments but it would be all too easy to abuse their unconditional love for me to persuade them I was right and she was wrong and they should blame her. So we talked about how Granny struggles with life sometimes and she always has, long before she had me and definitely long before I had Scarlett. I reiterated that no one had the right to shout at Scarlett, to make her feel bad about herself and to bully her (which I what I believe my Mum does) but cited the things I felt I did wrong yesterday and that I take full responsibility for them because admitting your mistakes and making efforts to put them right is what I believe is more important than not making them in the first place. Scarlett is very, very resiliant and although it took some talking through she is now fine with it all and I suspect will mentally catalogue this whole incident and do some learning from it. Not sure what but she’ll find something 😉
Further delicious food, good company and an earlier night for some than others 😉
I miss you 🙁