Today was the monthly Pulborough Brooks Home Ed meet up. We missed last month’s as it was while we were camping so it was good to go along today. Tasha had mentioned that they go to Pulborough Brooks quite often so I’d told her about the monthly meet and offered to give them a lift (she doesnt drive) and she took us up on it. There are many times when I fret about both the size of my car (we bought the Sharan when we were in Manchester and ‘needed’ a second car. We already had a Peugeot 405 and worked seperate hours. Although public transport was great in Manchester it would have been very hassley with childcare aswell and we’d been running two cars for a few years. We’d usually had one decent car and one old banger though, this was the first time we had two decent cars. We decided to go for a people carrier as although we only had Davies we were planning another baby, did the trip back down to Sussex again fairly regularly and wanted something that would enable us to take my parents out with us when they came to visit us too.) and how much I use it. Possibly if we had more money we would have swapped the Sharan in for something newer by now and given Ady also has a people carrier as his company car we’d have gone for something much smaller as our private car but we can’t afford to replace it, we do try to walk if we can although public transport for us already paying to run a car is certainly not a cheaper option and whenever possible I offer lifts to people so my car is full up as much as it can be.
So a picnic of sorts packed up we dashed to their house to collect them and headed over to Pulborough Brooks. The children were pleased to see each other although there seems to be a bit of tension about whether Toby is a friend for them both or just for Davies. Davies and Scarlett both assume, as they do with most children they meet, that he ‘belongs’ to them both and indeed the times we’ve seen them before Scarlett has been more than an equal party to all the playing and hanging out. I suspect Toby is considering Davies more his mate and Tarly his mate’s little sister though. This is quite possibly a ‘school’ thing – I’m guessing playing with girls two years younger than you didn’t happen much in the playground, and may also be a result of the huge age gap between Toby and his baby brother Vinnie whereby he views younger siblings as not hugely playmate-worthy.
To Scarlett’s credit she managed the whole thing well, stepped away when she was getting upset, came and spoke to me, very articulately about what was ‘hurting my feelings’, listened to my explanations and suggestions and then threw herself back into playing again after some time walking along with me. I suspect it may be a recurring problem and know my best course of action will be leaving them to sort it out themselves unless intervention is required due to high levels of upset or nastiness.
Also attending were Katie – who organises the meet up and her 2 children, Katy, Julie’s friend with her 3 children, Elaine, Julie’s friend with her 2 children and Julie, Chris, Maisie, Jack and Lorna. I spent some time walking round with Tasha, some with Chris and Julie, some with Julie and Tasha and some with just Scarlett and I. I liked the way both the children and the adults seemed to keep forming and reforming in groups to chatter as we walked round. It threatened rain a couple of times but never came to anything. We didn’t do a great deal of nature spotting really but it was nice to be outside anyway.
We then sat and had lunch in the playpark, arriving just as a school group was leaving to carry on with their educational pond dipping session. Our group of children nervously circled the school children, who were in turn all looking at them with great curiosity 😆 The children carried on playing, we carried on chatting and eventually left just after 230pm.
We dropped Tasha, Toby and Vinnie home and despite requests from all three children for us to go to their flat for a play (Tasha said it was too messy) or them to come back to our house (I had also left the house rather rapidly and was actually looking forward to sitting down, drinking tea and catching up online from the weekend) we came home. We had some squashy bananas that I made into some banana and chocolate chip cakes and then I did indeed sit down, drink plenty of tea and spend some time online. Davies watched Polar Express (he’s having an early Christmas filmfest at the moment, I think he was watching other Christmas films on the in-car dvd player at the weekend) and Tarly played with her barbies and made potions.
We drew all the names out of a hat (well actually a Barbie bathtub) for NicCamps Secret Santa, I did some washing, cooked a couple of quiches (one for dinner, one for the freezer) and then Ady arrived home.
There was then one of those timewarps where two hours seems to vanish and finally after a couple of bedtime stories the children went to bed. Tomorrow is swimming and weather permitting maybe some time up at the allotment.
We’ve been having the siblings/friends situation here but not quite the same as you. Mine just don’t get why other siblings ‘have’ to play with them. Boo has been quite distressed at times recently when she wants to play with her friends but also has to play with her friends siblings. Sometimes she just wants to play and talk with her peer on their own without the younger ones around and this is surprisingly difficult. twice recently she has elected not to go and play somewhere as she won’t have the option of playing with her friend and the younger one very often spoils the fun. Sometimes she is happy to include the younger ones but she wants the choice to be hers and her friends not the rule. I totally agree with her and would say it has nothing to do with school or age gaps but more the need for doing your thing.
I think it gets harder as they get older – have you found that Ros? I have been having to explain to Ernest this summer why he can’t always hang out with Gwenny and Violet if they have a friend round!
Buttercup & Ernest wouldn’t get it at all though, especially if out and about, not in either house.
Yes I was thinking that. Also D and S are so close that often it is the other friend who ends up left out while they carry on their game. The other problem is that generally the games Davies and Toby are playing are Ben 10 or Doctor Who or similar which is precisely what Scarlett wants to play too – I can understand why she struggles to see Davies off playing a game that he’s been playing with her earlier. There were plenty of other children there, including 5 other little girls aged 4-6 but they were all playing baby or dolly type things which Tarly simply has no interest in.
I guess as they get older they will develop friendships that are more exclusively their own rather than joint ones and this is probably the beginning of that but yes I do think it is do to with school or not having been to school that it seems odd to them. If mine had been in school they would already be used to playing with their ‘own’ friends and wouldn’t spend so much time together and have quite such similar interests.
I agree with you Ros about not making children include their siblings for the sake of it, this just struck me as more an observation of the different mentality of who can and can’t play which I see far less of, generally, in HE kids and far more, generally, in schooled ones.